My step daughter from my previous marriage is turning 17 which I raised since she was 4. My now wife never liked my rela
Answered 4 years ago
My step daughter from my previous marriage is turning 17 which I raised since she was 4. My now wife never liked my relationship with her but she “accepts” her now. For her 15th I didn’t go due to my wife feeling I shouldn’t go based on I needed to put her first. 16th she made plans for us non refundable during her bday, now this year (17) She is doing the same thing again. I’ve been trying to repair my relationship with my step daughter but I can’t with things like this happening over and over. Even tho she is doing something nice to surprise me for my bday my step daughter is never considered, hurts me a lot.
My wife tells me she is willing to call her and explains the situation and we can celebrate her another day, I know she would never do this to her own son and now she doesn’t want me going if I am going to be sad or depressed on the trip. I told her things need to be set right for me to enjoy it. Thing is even tho she says I mean no harm I forgot it was her bday we are missing out on her actual day. Tickets are non refundable again so if I don’t go then I will hurt my wife and we will be in a bad place for a while. Don’t know what to do please help!
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Being part of a “blended” family I have two step kids. I have to be honest I think the whole blended family concept is a load of shit but I would NEVER stop my partner seeing his children and have encouraged more access and overnights when it would be far easier on me to have just said no thanks and left him being a one weekend a fortnight dad (nothing wrong with that if it works for you and your life).
We have an extremely toxic ex to deal with and the kids exhibit many behaviours that make time with them difficult and strained but I have not once ever considered life without them and nor would I want to consider the impact on me pressuring him to exclude them and how it would negatively impact his personal wellbeing let alone our relationship.
I would just communicate that it’s very important to you and explain your reasons why. She doesn’t have to participate in time you have with her, I certainly don’t spend every minute mine spends with his kids together.
Whatever your wife’s issues are SHE needs to be the one to find a way to let you have that time and move forward. Anything else is just selfish.
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Your relationship with your step daughter is also important. Unless you stand up & show your wife what she means to you, then your wife will always book things that are “non-refundable” on your step daughters birthday to make you feel guilty. If you wish to be able to celebrate her birthday now & in the future, you need to say no to your wife & go & see your step daughter.
You have raised this girl from 4years old, seems like you are her only father figure, would your wife do this if it was your bio child?
I also don’t believe the plans are not Refundable considering most things you book lately are due to covid
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You’re the adult, you need to do what is right by the child. Your wife is being manipulative and disrespectful. She needs to get to know the step daughter, not dismiss her.