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Can my relationship with my bf be good again after he cheated?

Answered 1 year ago

I have recently found out my boyfriend of about a year has been cheating on me. I am completely broken and in so much pain. He promised he will never do it again and he wants the relationship to work. He said even though it was so wrong, he now knows he doesn’t want to loose me. He feels terrible and is willing to do anything to make it work. I’m just so hurt though, I’m not sure if I can get over it.


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ANSWER
1 year ago
I absolutely adore my husband but he knows if he ever cheats, I’ll walk away in a heartbeat.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Relationships survive infidelity if you both really want it to work. A really good podcast is Healing Broken Trust and Esther Perel. Really good resources.

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REPLY
1 year ago
Im a licensed marriage and family therapist and second this response. Esther asks an amazing question, why can we accept almost anything in marriage except sex outside of marriage? 97% of the time if a partner is having sex outside the marriage the other partner has a role in pushing them to do it. If you want it to work, go to therapy and begin to wrestle your own demons.

REPLY
1 year ago
Man, if you were my marriage therapist I'd walk out the door. How can you even say that a partner pushed the other partner to cheat? That's ridiculous and hurtful to those who have been cheated on.

REPLY
1 year ago
Ive read one of Perel's books and have listened to her podcasts and TED Talks. I think she has a very balanced approach to infidelity but can't recall seeing anything where she states that the person being cheated on is responsible the majority of the time?

REPLY
1 year ago
Jesus Christ, that's terrible advice! The one being cheated on, in 97% of cases, is the cause? You shouldn't be a relationship counsellor of that's your take.

ANSWER
1 year ago
No, no, no, no. Do not stay with this person. You will be in for a world of pain. He will cheat again and it will destroy your self esteem eventually. Run, don’t walk.

ANSWER
1 year ago
As others have said, you have only been together a year and he has already cheated on you. He is saying the same things that everyone does when they are caught cheating he wants you, he wants to make it work etc. it’s all bullshit. He is only saying it to make you stay. I’d be leaving him, healing your broken heart and finding someone who actually respects you.

ANSWER
1 year ago
In all honesty, no. You've got the chance to leave (easier now with less comitments - marriage, house, kids etc) and start again with someone who truly loves you, and won't take a 'chance' to lose you. Who knows what the next reason or excuse will be. Remember it was a CHOICE he made. It is NOT your fault, at all!

His cheating/ affair will always be on your mind, you'll need to learn to live with it, forever hanging over your head. You'll always doubt him, never fully trusting again.

Hold your head head & walk away .....

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don't believe you could hurt someone like that if you love them. The first time, i forgave and thought there was a chance for us. The second time, it was bye bye byyyyyyye. Once a cheater always a cheater.

ANSWER
1 year ago
YOU found out he didn’t confess! He’s only sorry because he got caught. Next time he cheats on you he’ll know to cover his tracks properly.
One year relationship, no kids, no mortgage. I say help him pack his bags and send him on his merry way, do not even agree to be friends as that will eventually turn into a f**k buddy situation which I’m certain that’s something you don’t want. I’m sorry you’re hurting, you may be able to forgive him down the road to give your inner self peace and the ability to let go and move on but that does not mean you have to continue a relationship with him. He broke your heart, your trust and your self esteem only 1 year in. No second chances in my book. Good luck! Think with your head and eventually your heart will follow.

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REPLY
1 year ago
spot on with the fuckbuddy bit. If you leave dont let him try this.

REPLY
1 year ago
Op to this reply: We’ve all been manipulated into these situations and it’s ugly! Op you’ve got this, take care of you! He had no hesitations taking care of himself and stepping outside of the relationship. Head high and walk away

ANSWER
1 year ago
In short. No.
If you’ve only been together about a year and he’s ALREADY cheated, I don’t think he is long term relationship material.
It’s probably best to move on and find someone that can commit, instead of wasting your life being cheated on then promised the world when you catch him out

ANSWER
1 year ago
You say that you "found out" that he's "been" cheating. So, he didn't confess and 'been cheating' suggests that it wasn't a once-off, drunken night out or something, but an ongoing affair.

I don't think a relationship could survive those, especially since you've only been together a year. He doesn't deserve forgiveness, because he didn't earn it by coming to his senses and confessing.

ANSWER
1 year ago
There's no yes or no answer to these scenarios. It's a case by case circumstance. Just bear in mind that, even though he says he'll do anything, it's you that's going to do the heavy lifting. It's for you to decide if you can spend X amount of your future, trusting and believing him, as it'll likely always be in your mind. You might just find yourself questioning everything he says from now on, wondering if he's lying to you again, or thinking about her (or someone else).

ANSWER
1 year ago
It is saveable if you both truly love each other, however it will take years of work to get over it and part of you never will, you will learn to live with it.

That being said, if you stay and he does it again, leave and never turn back. A second betrayal shows he will always cheat on you, regardless of what he says or feels.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ love to you, look after yourself... Take some time

ANSWER
1 year ago
No. Run girl, don't walk.

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REPLY
1 year ago
This! Don’t waste any more of your energy on him.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I’ve never been in this situation, but if you go SBS online and watch Insight, two episodes ago, there were many who have and their discussion of it. Perhaps look at this

ANSWER
1 year ago
Short answer yes, but it’s complicated.

Many details and factors contribute to if it can survive.
Was it once off? Reoccurring? Drunken? Length of relationship? State of your relationship at the time?commitments to one another?

But many of these sound missing.
I survived it with hubby when we were dating but it was about 4 years in.
It was really hard and I wouldn’t do it for a 12 month relationship.
For me it’s paid of we have kids and a wonderful life and it’s never happened again ( so far)
If it does it won’t be the ruin of me because so much good has come from our life together.
And I would still stand by my choice to stay years ago.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Nope my husband did this from 4 months into our relationship and I stayed for 7 years. It never changes they just wait til you become comfortable again. Don’t stay just go

ANSWER
1 year ago
I am a firm believer that once you allow that sort of behaviour by staying - especially seeing as your not even married - your saying you accept his actions and being treated that way.
I’ve been cheated on. Was married, had two kids ... one very ill at the time. Packed his bags and gave him a big fuck you and never looked back.
You have been with this guy a year! Why would you bother, seriously.