When is enough, enough?
Answered 9 days ago
Partner & I have been together for 6 months. We usually get along great. He admits he can drink excessively. When he does, he can say awful things & he cannot be reasoned with.
Last night he was a bit drunk & said something that made me feel disrespected. I raised it & it just turned into an argument with him eventually shouting ‘f**k off then’ to which I packed my bag & went home…this was at 1am.
This is the 3rd time he has said that to me whilst arguing, each time he’s been intoxicated. I like to leave when things escalate this much as we get nowhere & I feel it’s better to discuss things when the heat is gone. He claims I run away & won’t deal with things.
He has apologised but says that they’re just words & didn’t mean anything by them. He thinks I should just move on. I know he meant nothing by it but can’t help but feel so disrespected. I would never say that to somebody I love.
He thinks his actions show more than words. I agree too but I feel so sad. I’m a big believer that the behaviour you tolerate only teaches people that’s how they should treat you.
I guess I’d like some impartial support. All my friends will just side with me which I disagree with.
NB. We haven’t had a chance to discuss it in person yet for a myriad of reasons.
I do love him but have a strong sense of self respect & I’m unsure if I’m doing myself a disservice.
Without alcohol, he’s a wonderful, thoughtful, giving person.
Thanks for reading & please be kind.
Have an answer?
So you mentioned his drinking. Do you drink/get drunk at all? I only ask because I know if I drink I can definitely become very rude to my partner. We both drink and to blame just him if we have an argument while drinking is not fair.
Nearly everyone thinks they are right if there is an argument.
What exactly did he say that made you feel disrespected? (Before the fuck off comment - which is really awful)
If you are sober, and know that he acts in this manner when drunk then why bring it up in the moment?
You said you rather leave when things are bad. Unless you were also intoxicated which affects your reasoning then why not just leave him/it alone in that moment and create space from him (go to bed or read a book etc) and bring it up while he is sober and able to be reasoned with.
He will be far more likely to be receptive to your feelings about his actions in a sober state.
I don't think what is happening now is enough to leave.
I think the thing that makes his actions a reason to leave would be if he does not respond to you when you address him about your feelings at an appropriate time (not while drinking)
If he doesn't see it or attempt any change at all after you expressing your concerns at a considerate time then perhaps I'd think differently.
There is no perfect relationship. I hope you two can find some happiness and peace together.
Maybe he needs help with the drinking problem. If he doesn't and it's a regular thing he'll break that self esteem you have. Walk away now while you're strong enough. You deserve better x