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I have gone back to work full time, and am still expected to do all the house work.

I ask for help, dh says yes, he does a tiny bit then is off to play footy. I need tips for actually getting him to do his share.


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Answers (10)

Story of my life!
Working mum with all the sahm responsibilities.
We hired a cleaner because it just wasn't working, even when he helps his standards are very low.

My last resort was only cooking the kids and I meals and not washing his clothes, not packing his lunch, Only lasted 3 days before he started helping properly...and any thing that needed fixing I used to have to beg until I started asking my Dad to come around and do it, Now I ask its done with in a week or so 😝

I did get help from my husband & pretty much always have but after returning back to full time work our weekend were just full of more work, enter my friend who does 2 hours a week & frees us both up for all the other jobs. Just get someone in! The time spent that I was losing trying to do is all is worth much more to me than the $$ spent on a cleaner. Full time works sux enough without your leisure time cut down to nothing.

Yeah stuff that. My husband works full-time in a labour intensive job, I'm a SAHM, and he still helps with dinner, getting the kids to bed, and picking up/tidying the house after he gets home. It's the same on weekends, he helps with whatever needs doing. He is excellent with doing the washing, folding it etc. He understands that he contributes to some of the mess, and he also knows that if he helps it means we both get to spend more time together and with our little ones, as it gets done faster with both of us.

My thoughts are maybe you should just do what is essential to keep you and the kids going, and if he runs out of clean clothes, or hasn't got certain foods he likes in the pantry for example, well he knows where the washing machine and supermarket are

OP Yes I stopped doing things for him, he had to play footy in dirty uniform. He agrees to do things then is too busy or too tired.
helpful (1) 
 His response is just immature. Perhaps he needs to realise he would need to do a lot more if he were single
helpful (3) 
 He wants a new car, part of the reason for me working is him getting a car. He mentioned it last night, I laughed and said he won't be getting one as I'm quitting my job.
helpful (2) 
 Sorry meant to say I don't need the single threat as I've got the car one.
helpful (0) 
 From what you have written here your DH sounds like he calls all the shots in your relationship. Do you get a say in what goes on? Do you want another car? Does your family need it?
Ive worked full time with 2 kids for a period of time. We agreed it was necessary for me to get made permanent- and it was worth it. My DH did 50% of the work. I wouldnt have tolerated being made to do it all.

helpful (0) 

I am a single Mum of 4, working full time and 3 casusal jobs to survive. I am up at 4.45am and get to bed at 11pm. And yep I have to do it all.... cook, clean, taxi runs, dishes, washing, shopping..... list goes on and on and on.
So for those of you who have partners that help or even do a little to help.. you are lucky.

 This is true.... but husbands can make more mess too. It's my husband who is demanding over dinners tbh and has loads of dirty clothes from work and exercise.
helpful (1) 
 I think you are amazing. Single mums can do it tough. I’m one also.
helpful (2) 
 I understand as a single Mum doing it all it is bloody tough...but when you have a partner who adds to the work it is frustrating, annoying and is like having another child in the house.
helpful (4) 
 I've been a single mum before too and it was very difficult, It's also extremely frustrating though when you have a partner and they don't pitch in.
No one's situation discounts another.

helpful (0) 
 Of course you should be admired for everything you do as a single mum, but whats that got to do with OPs partner being a lazy dick? Do you believe its OK for men to walk all over women?
helpful (0) 

Write a list. My husband has rubbish run, feeding cats, washing his work clothes.
I have found ways to make everything easier on myself. I went minimal with my stuff, the kids have a playroom which they clean up, my eldest unpacks the dishwasher, my youngest finds all the clothes for the washing and puts them in the machine. I also keep disinfectant wipes under the sink and in the toilet so I can clean quickly. Most important is I bought a robot vacuum cleaner as a present to myself. It was on sale and cheap so I bought it. It keeps the floor manageable and tidy.

Write a list of all the cleaning jobs. Tell him you're both working now so you can both work at home. You each pick 50% of the chores that will be your responsibility. Play to each other's strengths - I'm a WAHM (minimal hours) so hubby only has 3 jobs but they're laundry, rubbish, and bins out on bin night, because those are the 3 I am hopeless with.

Last resort would be to stay with your parents/friend for a week so he realises how much you actually do.

Sit down with a list of what needs to happen and ask him what he’s going to pick up. Eg. Is he in charge of doing the floors? Groceries? Washing? Consider together too the need or expense of a cleaner. If you have children it’s a good chance for them to get a job or two, even if it’s very small it can help.

OP He always agrees but never actually does anything. I had a cleaner, but she did so little for what I paid it wasn't worth it.
helpful (0) 
 Find a different cleaner. Get recommendations from friends neighbors or fb
helpful (2) 
 Getting a cleaner was the best thing I ever did, and should have done it years before I did. And I have a very helpful partner. But with both of us in time consuming careers we were just slaves to housework on the weekend.
At the very least your other half should be doing all the outside jobs.
Getting the kids to do their share will make your life easier, and its good for them, and their future partners.
Money given to them for task completion is much better than pocket money given for nothing.
There is another thread on here a while ago about what various people expect their kids to do, and at what ages, look it up. Amazing what kids can do if they are required to.

helpful (0) 

Welcome to motherhood and being an adult
Put on your big girl panties and grow up

 You be a troll too
helpful (0) 
 It is not just one persons responsibility to take care of the entire household!
helpful (1) 
 Im a mother, and an adult. And I share responsibilities 50/50 with my husband. Whats your point troll?
helpful (0)