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Hubby wants to quit for a lesser paying job! I seem to have no say!

My partner hates his job, but gets paid the highest rate for his field. He comes home in a bad mood from idiots at work pissing him off and his moron boss micro managing. So he has been talking to a mate about getting a job elsewhere. I have always said I’m up for a job change as long as the income is the same or more. His mate contacted him about a potential job for him and now he has been on edge waiting for a response. I asked him so what’s the details and he has given me basic answers, I asked what’s the pay rate he was vague saying oh it’s a few dollars less an hour but he will get every second weekend off. Now it has always been a pain in his line of work not having weekends free to do stuff with the kids or go to invites ect but I have dealt with it because the money was good we were living in a ok position. I feel like what’s the point of having weekends when we will have no money to do anything or go anywhere. Am I being selfish?


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Answers (21)

Is this a really question

If yes you are being extremely selfish and extremely inconsiderate of your husband .....

Why on earth would you value money over your husbands happiness and subsequently his health.

Yes you are absolutely being selfish. Your husband is not happy where he is. How can you put money over his happiness. You say what’s the point having weekends off if there’s no money to spend on weekends.....well what’s the point working all those hours making all that money if he has no time to enjoy it. Sounds like you want him to work his arse off just so you can enjoy his money. If he keeps working long hours in a job he hates, he will burn out. Maybe become depressed. Maybe kill himself. You want that??? So what you’ll have a bit less money, you’ll also have a happy husband and father. You’ll adjust with less money. You need to listen to your husbands concerns.

 I second this. Being in a job you hate is very stressful, and being micromanaged is about the most destructive thing a highly competent person can go through. Except maybe for being bullied, and micromanaging and bullying are often linked. Being subject to that treatment is very bad for both mental and physical health; that stress causes high cortisol levels, which is one of the causes of putting on belly fat; a recipe for health problems in middle age.
Your husband needs the every second weekend breaks, and it is good for you as a family. If you are concerned about the drop in money, what about seeking employment yourself to fill the gap ?

helpful (2) 

Speaking from experience leave it up to him. My husband changed to a lower paid job he is home earlier every day and much happier. Being home early means he can play with the kids when I cook dinner so I'm less stressed too. We have less to splurge but we have the best version of each other.

 ^this! You can't go wrong with this situation 👍
helpful (1) 

We've just made that switch, hubby is at home more and it's great especially when we have 5 kids. Yeah it sucks we can't just go out what we want but kids remember fun times with mum n dad than the $spent on them, we now plan for family fun weekends 2 weeks inadvance so we can have the money for it. And yes you are being selfish, your husbands happiness should always come before money

Do you want your husband to be happy and have a better quality life?

 She wants her luxurious lifestyle
helpful (0) 

Ok so I’m the original poster, a lot of you have miss read my post. So yes it’s a few dollars less an hour it’s actually $500 a week less. When we have pre established bills to pay. Like rent, medical bills, utilities along with school car payments ect. So were there can we take that from? We in no way live a lavish lifestyle I stay home because we have a special needs child that needs constant care, i don’t ever get holidays or even a night away. I don’t like my situation but hey I can’t quit. Yes my partner doesn’t like his job but so many people don’t, some work several jobs they hate just to support their families. I guess this isn’t a great place to get feedback (except 1 or 2) I bet not one of you would be able to go a day in my shoes and still say the horrible nasty stuff you have said..!

 With him working less, you can get a job. Gives you a break from staying home and contributes to those pre established bills
helpful (4) 
 This post and your original post give two totally different stories. Put all the info in the original post. It made it sound like you were wanting him to work at a job he hated for $50 a week extra
helpful (3) 
 Don't let some of those comments get to you. I think many people get where your coming from but dont know the full situation. My husband has changed jobs a few times because of pay rates. If you can sit down together, work out your outgoings with the wage he's on now and see what your left with. If nothing is set in stone or he doesnt know full details with a new job then you can see the concern. Its not good for his mental health or the family if he hates his job either but maybe looking for a new job that meets in the middle of the issues with finance and happiness can be found. And also if you have a child with additional needs make sure you know what to ask for with NDIS funding so your child is getting the best support including some respite support
helpful (3) 
 You asked for opinions, no? So why get shitty when people say that yes, you are being selfishy? And I bet there are plenty of people here who have special needs kids doing it just as tough, or tougher than you. This post just smacks on sanctimony.
helpful (7) 

I understand how you feel, I have been there and was worried about the pay cut as it will affect you. My husband quit a high paying job to get a low payed job that was shift work. I had to go back to work full time to make ends meet. I had no say either. My husband loved his new job but quickly realised the days of coming home to fed bathed children playing quietly to his dinner on the table were over. He was suddenly expected to help out at home. If it was his day off he had to do school run, if he was home in afternoon he did pick up homework dinner etc. His weekends were either spent working or doing his share of the housework, if he worked on the weekend he had to do his share on his day off. He changed his mind after six months and went back to what he did before.

 Wow so he actually had to be a parent lol

This forum makes me so grateful for my husband sometimes

helpful (8) 
 Yes, after years of me doing everything it was a huge shock. The parenting part he was great at it was the housework that he hated. There was no way I was doing everything he had to do about 40% of it and hated it. I think it made him appreciate how much work goes into running a house, if he didn't iron his shirts the fairies didn't do it like before.
helpful (2) 
 Boo hoo you had to get a job
helpful (0) 
 Hubby is a selfish c**t
helpful (0) 

Are you working? If not maybe you can work some of the weekends he’s off so he can spend time with the kids or get a couple of regular cleaning jobs on Saturday mornings. My friend has a cleaner come while they are at sat morning sports. It’s trashed by Monday but at least it hygienic lol

You will have money for basic entertainment and will be a family
Hope hubby has an affair

 I hope you get a life. Cruel, sad, pathetic person.
helpful (0) 
 3 line troll at it again.
helpful (0) 
 ^yes, their vocabulary and intelligence obviously doesn't expand any further beyond that 😂
helpful (0) 

It’s hard to put all the information in that I wanted too, but yes I can be defensive when people assume I’m with my partner for money so I can live a lavish lifestyle. We do not live beyond our means, I said we were ok not comfortable. And yes there are cheap things or fee things to do on weekends but hey we still need petrol and to buy food to make a packed lunch. It is easy for people to judge me because you are sitting behind a screen. You really shouldn’t say things like my husband should have an affair or he’s going to kill him self because of me. I have had a tough year full of loss and we hit a rough patch with medical bills. We finally have finished paying everything off, I thought yay we can go on the holiday we have been planning and putting off for the past 5 years. And yes there probably are other people doing it tougher than me and I take my hat off to them. But all I was asking was am I being selfish asking my partner to talk to me about the job before he took it. I broke down last night and explained that I felt shut out we are partners and this affects everyone. I told him I’m more than happy to go back to work and he stay home. He said no that the decision we made together 6 years ago when our child was born and needed constant care was still good. I’m sure there are people out there who think go get a job and get someone else to take care of your child but it would mean we would have to get government help which will cost tax payers and take money away from those who do need it, then I’ll have all the ones on my back that we are bludging off of hard working tax payers. So my partner has assured me that he will not be taking the new job if it means he loses more than $200 a week as he said he has worked his a*s off to get paid what he should be paid and he would rather wait for something where they are willing to pay him what he is worth. thank you to the people who actually read my post and had genuine feedback and to those trolls with nothing better to do, will you be happy when someone kills them selves because of horrible shit you say to them! Think how you would feel if I were your child having those things said to them.!

 Please don't look to these sites as a friendly ear. There are some pathetic people who love to stir and hurt. And don't worry about what other people think of your life and the decisions you make, someone always thinks they are worse off than you and just has to make sure you know it. Sounds like you reached a good compromise by talking it out with your partner x
helpful (1) 
 It's the same troll - all those comments were made around the same time. They do this quite regularly - probably someone living in their childhood bedroom who hasn't come off the computer to bathe in a week. Don't worry about it.

helpful (0) 
 Do you frequent this site? If so, then you no doubt realise the person saying your husband is having an affair is stirring shit and nothing more. To get upset by that and take it to heart, I’d say you should step away from the forum.

As for all the other response she you did not like, well when you ask for people’s thoughts you need to be ready to hear opinions you might not like. People assume you come here seeking honesty, and so you get it.

helpful (0) 
 Get a job
helpful (0) 
 Happy wife
Happy wife
Get a job slob

helpful (0) 
 Meant happy life
helpful (0) 
 Every time I post a question, I fully prepare for trolling. Sometimes I get it sometimes I don’t. Getting offended and outraged doesn’t make any difference, what you do is listen to those trying to help, and ignore those who aren’t. Because really, giving the trolls attention is exactly what they want. Teach your kids that, because even though trolling is wrong, it isn’t going away any time soon
helpful (0) 
 Absolutely - imagine them in an enclosure with a sign saying "Do Not Feed The Trolls" ;)

helpful (1) I can understand why a few people are labeling you selfish, but really it's not helpful. If you were just thinking about yourself you wouldn't be asking the question, you would just be telling him to get stuffed.

I have been in a similar position. My husband changed jobs around 6 months ago for a lesser paying job (we are a one income family). I was frustrated, but tried to stay supportive. But we did agree that if we were really struggling financially, he may need to get a second job (lack of hours at the new job was potentially an issue).

Fast forward to today, he is loving his new job, doing really well at it (had already received awards) and is now getting paid more as he is constantly being offered the best hours and opportunities.

So my advice is, if you can make it work, try and be as supportive as you can bear. Possibly negotiate a few conditions like I did (can he get a second job or pick up more hours? Or can you get one afternoon a week to recharge while he takes the kids to the park?). And just vent to family and friends.

Good luck OP

 People arent labeling her selfish. She asked if she was being selfish and people agreed.
helpful (0) 

Do you work? Would you be willing to take on a job or more hours to make up the shortfall?

You said you never go on holidays maybe take out a loan and go on one then let him decide if he changing jobs is what he wants. Yes bills need to be paid but there are always ways to cut back.

 Take out a loan? Madness
helpful (4) 

Let him do it. I was so worried when my husband left the job he hated for one a few dollars less. But then it gave him the courage to find another job after that that ties perfectly in with my work and pays soooooo much better! Life is too short for shit! Let him chase his happiness. Sometimes my husband has these big dream ideas. I sort of just indulge him until he gets bored of it rather than fighting him on it.
Heres an example to make you giggle...
He decided to automate our house with a system you build. He never used it more than twice as he got bored of it.
That time he bought fishing stuff and used it twice but spent the majority of the time playing south park on his phone
The time he told me he was going to grow his own veggies. He planted one plant and was over it.
When he said he was going to get a tattoo and never did.
When he said he was going to grow his hair long and didnt.
When he decided he wanted to enroll to be a barber and never did.
When he decided he wanted to buy a 711 and never did.
When he said he was going to save up and wed live in Russia with family and he never did.
They have big dreams. Indulge him a bit. This ones not so big though.

 Thank goodness he didnt buy the 711...... ! !
helpful (0) 
 I think we might be married to the same person!
helpful (0) 
 This sounds so familiar except in my situation I’m the one like your husband.
helpful (0)