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Is this normal? My husband lies all the time about lots of things (big and small). Does anyone else’s do the same? Why d

Answered 2 years ago

Is this normal? My husband lies all the time about lots of things (big and small). Does anyone else’s do the same? Why does he do it and what I can do to change things?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
OP here, thanks to all the people that responded. The strange thing is that he seems to lie about most things, even really small, trivial things. It’s now at the point where I don’t believe a single thing he says. We have had issues before regarding infidelity on his side so I can somewhat understand why he’d lie if he had something big to cover up, but why does he lie over small things? I.e., he had a headache, I asked if he took panadol he said yes. He later admitted that he hadn’t. Why lie about that? Is it my fault somehow? What can I do? I just feel so lost.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Lying is pretty common human behavior, it normally stems back to the liar wanting to adjust outward reality, hide insecurities, avoid confrontation and a penalty, avoid hurting others, avoid hurting their ego or pride etc. I guess to get to the problem of lying you need to try and figure out why they are doing it, what emotion is behind it or is there a logical reason that they don't feel comfortable communicating to you. It's unlikely if you challenge or call out the behavior you will get a straight answer, because of the tendency for your husband to layer lies (cover lies with another lie) or resist communication as a defensive strategy. In terms of changing things, the approach can be simple or complex depending on why they lied. For example: Lying about a nappy change could be that he feels bad and guilty about making the mistake, or could go deeper. Psychology Today is a great website to read about methods to help a liar. Often most couples make the mistake of accusing, belittling or trying to catch their partner out, when that is not the route that changes liars only makes it worse. I hope this helps a little.

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REPLY
2 years ago
I do agree with you completely and would definitely second Psychology today, BUT i would go deeper and say that it is a form of manipulation at it’s essence(in my personal opinion). Why are they manipulating.. and do you think it is ok that they manipulate you? If not, move on

ANSWER
2 years ago
Lying is also associated with Aspergers - is he very sensitive ? Takes advice / suggestions as criticism? Flares up easily ? Does he have problems following new written and or verbal instructions ? Poor executive function/ planning? working Memory issues? / learning difficulties ? ( speaking from my own experience with spouse and son) it’s not intentional - but you have to be very tactful - they have to feel comfortable telling the truth - This is learned / unaddressed behaviour from childhood . Do a bit of research - also tactically show him research - lying damages your brain / amygdala
Love and kindness ( and a lot of research) will help him change ( if it is aspies) and improve your relationship

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yes my husband is a liar and he does it because he thinks everyone is stupid. I find it disappointing. I think he has got to the point where he believes it.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Not my husband but my ex did. All the time. That's why he's my ex

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REPLY
2 years ago
Same here, cant believe a word out of his mouth.