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What you make of this?

Answered 2 years ago

My Husband is not the touchy feely type. Does not hold my hand in public and if I go for a hug public or private, he will push me away. He does not want to have sex with me. The other day, when drunk he said that he does not find me attractive and has never found me attractive. He said he basically just wanted a woman who would have babies for him and thought I would make a good mum. He denied it when sober but said it again at a later date. He has said similar things before that I never took seriously. It has been playing on my mind as I have trying to spice up our nonexistant sex life but am wondering if I should even bother. Should I just ignore what he said as he was drunk? How would you react?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
He’s keeping you around to raise his children and keep his house. As others have said, he will leave you for a younger more attractive woman once the kids are older. Make a plan, make sure you will have access to money, then quietly leave him. You could certainly say that he has emotionally abused you as a reason. What a horrible man. You don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t at least respect you, let alone love you. I’m so sorry this has happened to you 🙁

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2 years ago
I second this, look after yourself & make a plan

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2 years ago
Great advice

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2 years ago
Oh darling. You need to find someone who loves everything about your beautiful self. What an asshole

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2 years ago
Sounds like my hubby (only he has never said he doesn’t find me attractive just shows it through his non actions) and I swear porn is the cause. I wish I had the guts to leave but his a great father and provider and I still consider him my best friend.

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2 years ago
I can relate to this unfortunately:( he does find me attractive enough ro have sex with.. but once that’s done with he doesn’t come near me until the next time he wants a lay 😔

ANSWER
2 years ago
Maybe he is gay?

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2 years ago
I was thinking this too.

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2 years ago
Same

ANSWER
2 years ago
Is this a new behaviour from him or has he always been like this?

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2 years ago
First time he has really come out and said it, but has implied it before. I over heard him saying to a friend "the trouble is you go for the good looking girls, you should do what I did." When shopping I saw a beautiful dress that I liked the look of and he told me that it is a beautiful dress, too good for you. So yes, I think the writing was on the wall, I just refused to see it.

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2 years ago
Wow that's awful. I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else. Plan, financially, study whatever you have to do to support yourself & leave out of the blue. Make friends, join the gym, it's all about you & the kids now. You have the upper hand, use it to your advantage. Good luck.

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2 years ago
Is he Indian or something?

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2 years ago
And you stayed with him after hearing the dress and friend comment because......?

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2 years ago
Bet he’s no oil painting

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2 years ago
Maybe you look like Roseanne Barr in she devil

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2 years ago
Maybe YOU look like Roseanne Barr in the devil

ANSWER
2 years ago
Go with your gut, do you think he loves you? If he doesn't don't waste your life with him.

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2 years ago
He says that he does, but based on his actions lately my gut says no. You are right, I need to trust my gut and stop over thinking things.

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2 years ago
I'd plan it out before counseling if you decide to go down that path. You don't want him making any decisions before your ready...i wish i could help you... I'd come over with a bottle of wine 🥂 & we could sort your new life.

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2 years ago
Being cruel about your looks isn’t love
Buy the dress

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2 years ago
Stop being in denial! You are wasting time on him, that could be better off figuring out who you are, or getting attention from someone who wants to give it to you

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think it's so telling for a man not to want to touch, grab and flirt with his woman.
I have been with a lot of men and never, ever have any of them not wanted affection, sex or my atteniton and they all worked for it.
You are worth so much more! You deserve to be wanted, admired and lusted after.

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2 years ago
I agree with this but I wonder if the length of the relationship could also have an effect.

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2 years ago
I've been with my current husband 15 years and he is still constantly touchy feely

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think he's sending a pretty clear message and I wouldn't be hanging around.

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2 years ago
Thank you for the clarity. I get confused because when he is not drunk he denies it and says that he does find me attractive when his actions clearly say the opposite.

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2 years ago
Yeah, I think alcohol loosens those lips & the truth comes out sadly. I’ve been on the receiving end of this too, not so harsh though, still hurts heaps & I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Big hug lovely xx

ANSWER
2 years ago
Wow, this is not ok. You deserve much better, it sounds as though your husband has very little respect for you and his words and actions will no doubt harm your self esteem. If I were you, I’d start planning my exit from the marriage. Good luck xxx

ANSWER
2 years ago
Leave him. It sounds like he is being a cunt and pushing you too. But having said that he is so arrogant he thinks that you never will. So give him the shock of a life time and fuck off and have a new great life. And enjoy watching him weep and beg for you to come back if he was just being a jerk and regrets it. Either way it's a win win.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Once the babies have grown up he will dump you anyway, for someone younger, and in his eyes prettier.
By then it will be harder for you to find someone who does love you, so you should make the move now.
For women it gets tougher once they are middle aged.
Doesn't seem to affect the middle aged men the same way, because they usually have assets, so are very attractive to young women..
He will also most likely be planning to make sure you do not get a decent share of the assets built up during the marriage.
I wouldn't be hanging around anyway without a decent sex life.

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2 years ago
Leave him, what a nasty man. Go get yourself a real man who’ll love you and cherish you. What an awful thing to say sober or drunk no excuse

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2 years ago
And what comes out of drunk mouths is usually the truth, - what they really think, when they no longer have the control to keep up the charade.

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2 years ago
I think you should leave and keep your dignity intact.
He can't spell out out any louder than that.

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2 years ago
Before I left I would want counseling so that the truth may come out. Successful counseling doesn’t have to mean you stay together. Drunk or not you need to know his actual thoughts of you

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2 years ago
Thurs

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2 years ago
Whoops ...this

ANSWER
2 years ago
I find that what people say when drunk are usually telling some kind of truth. Sorry that must have hurt a lot. Also in my opinion I think you deserve someone who respects you and this man's actions speak volumes. You deserve better.

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2 years ago
Depends on the drink. I find too much wine is like truth serum for me.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Sorry to hurt your feelings but I find people say what they really feel when they’re drunk and then use the excuse that they were drunk because they don’t want to take responsibility for what they’ve said. He meant what he said and I don’t think you should waste anymore of your life on him. There’s better things out there for you. Be happy, don’t stay miserable because of him.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Why doesn't everyone just stop speaking to each other because you can't say anything these days without offending or outraging someone. Own your own issues.

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2 years ago
Fuck off bitch. Stop being angry because you can't have babies.

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2 years ago
Your lashing out because you're angry you know that right?

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2 years ago
Misdirected anger

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2 years ago
Alot of people have been through what you have & aren't carrying on like you. Think about it

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2 years ago
i don't get it?! wrong thread? Whats with the babies comment?

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2 years ago
She's angry about something on another thread so she thought she'd pollute this one

ANSWER
2 years ago
Leave him. He wanted a broodmare not a partner. Go find yourself someone who thinks the sun shines out your arse.
Find a guy/girl who finds you irresistible.
There are over a billion people in the world, why waste your time with one who only wants you for your ovaries. Fuck that guy. Fuck him straight to hell.

ANSWER
2 years ago
I think you should be worried. Marriage counseling might help. You need to find out the truth.