I think I might have just been raped. This isn’t really a question I just need to tell someone and I’m too ashamed to te
Answered 2 years ago
I think I might have just been raped. This isn’t really a question I just need to tell someone and I’m too ashamed to tell anyone I know or talk about it to a hotline.
I went to a female colleagues house last night for drinks and to stay the night. There was only me, my colleague, her husband and his friend there. We had a great night and I got really drunk so I went to bed at around 1am. At around 2am I woke up to my pyjama shorts around my knees and someone having sex with me in the dark from behind. At first in my drunken state I thought it was my husband. I even called out his name once or twice. After a minute or 2 somewhere in my brain it clicked that my husband wasn’t there. It was my colleagues husbands friend. I immediately got up, grabbed my stuff and drunkenly drove a few kms down the road and slept in my car til morning. I feel disgusting. I can’t tell anyone incase they think I wanted it. He didn’t pin me down or force me but he took advantage of me while I was passed out. I just want to pretend it never happened. I will get tested for STD’s to be safe but if he gave me something I will have to tell my husband. I’m terrified.
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So I went to the police last week. After going to a sexual assault counselling, they helped me realise that all of my reasons to not go to the police were not the case. I thought because I came home and scrubbed myself clean that I had washed away any chance of getting this POS for what he did. I thought that the POS would just turn around and say I wanted it and it would become a ‘he said she said’ bullshit scenario and that the police wouldn’t be able to do anything. Turns out it all comes down to consent. I did not consent, I could not have consented - I was drunk and unconscious. And the onus is on him to prove consent. I don’t know what will happen now but I know I did the right thing, I cannot stand the thought of him taking advantage of and violating anyone else like he did me. If he did it to someone else and I hadn’t reported it when I should have I would never forgive myself. Now I wait. But at the same time my husband and I are going through counselling to find a way to move on with our lives so this doesn’t take any more from us than it already has.
I just want to say thank you for the *helpful* replies here- they really helped me get through my darkest hours yesterday. As for the shitty replies about “you shouldn’t have got drunk” and “I hope you learned you lesson” (now deleted, thank you moderators)- go f**k yourselves you toxic pieces of sh*t. I didn’t ask for, want, consent to or deserve any of this. I was supposed to have been in a ‘safe’ environment.
I told my husband and my work colleague what happened. The shit hit the fan and the piece of sh*t lowlife scumbag who did this to me has been dealt with. My husband and colleague are being very supportive but this has affected them deeply too. I will be going to the doctors on Monday for tests and to organise counselling to help us get through this. I don’t know what will happen from here but I know I did the right thing by opening up, thanks to some of the advice here, so I don’t go through this alone. I’m scared and angry and a hundred other emotions right now but I/we will get through this.