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Staying in an undefined relationship ?

Been with this person 15 months who I am happy with but we haven’t made it official. I’ve asked before and they said they don’t want to plan things and just go with it. It’s easy to advise me to leave but I feel like I won’t love any one else. Even if someone else tomorrow wanted a serious relationship doesn’t mean I’d want it. Advice?


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Answers (11)

I'd be telling him to shit or get off the pot. You're wasting time babe x

15 months, I’d expect some kind of definition. It strange he doesn’t want to. Does this make him free to see others if he hasn’t actually made any sort of commitment to you? It daisies some red flags TBH.

 He isn’t seeing other people.
There are red flags for sure.
Feels that if I walk away that I’ll be back in the pool of bad potentials that my friends trying to find a committed partner describe.

helpful (0) 
 Different person, What red flags are you seeing op? You ‘ve got to be honest with yourself and possibly share here, to get real advice on what’s appropriate I feel. If you are worried about the alternative that’s a red flag to me in itself, though I get that you’re jus being honest. Goodluck xx
helpful (1) 
 Red flag is if it’s technically non committal then he’s free to see the next best thing which twists my stomach.
I am worried about the current pool, and don’t think I can do better than him.

helpful (0) 
 You don’t ever stay with someone, because of the other crappy people that may be available!!! Sorry to say
helpful (4) 

You're his doormat!!
Tell him to put up or F off.
You deserve better!!!

 I know I do it seems like there isn’t better out there. Have you heard dating stories from your friends lately?
helpful (0) 
 Surely being single is better than being a doormat. Where is your self respect?
helpful (6) 
 ^100%. Being single isn't a bad thing!!!
helpful (2) 
 Either tell him to get serious or look elsewhere. There’s plenty of nice guys out there if you actually look. You should learn not to be picky and get to actually know people. Lots of women set themselves up to fail because they start sleeping with some random guy that is either full of shit or looking for a root. Get to know who’s bed your crawling into first.
helpful (2) 

What do you want? Does he know what you are expecting? It is not a problem that he doesn’t want to define your relationship - unless it is a problem for you. It was never a problem for me until we talked about having kids. Then I wanted something more defined (permanent) before I would be happy to make a decision affecting my life and future. Decide what you need/want, and then let him know. Be prepared to accept whatever answer he gives you, even if it means you can no longer hang around waiting for him. Good luck 💗

I know a male colleague doing this same thing to some girl he sees. He is enjoying being single and is looking for someone better.

Not sure, what sort of relationship have you been having? Have you met his friends and family? Do you live in each other's lives a lot or is he keeping separate? Do you go out in public together and do things like hold hands? Are you friends on social media? Are you in any of his online photos?

If you haven't met friends and family and don't see him except for dates, he may be reluctant to commit.
If you are a big part of his life and you've met the people important to him, perhaps he is just taking it slowly. Has he been burned before? Are there big unanswered questions in his future about where he will be and what he'll be doing, like a deployment or the possibility of an interstate job?

 It’s been nice when we are together
Friends and some family I have met
No hand holding
I don’t have any social media
Has been burned before
He is living 5 hours away for work so at the moment it is long distance

helpful (0) 
 Well, if it is long distance 15 months isn't as long as if you were living together or living close. It is hard too to take that next step when you are far away from each other a lot of the time. Will he be working away like this for the forseeable future?
helpful (1) 

Ask? Talk about it. If he won't then take a look at the bigger picture and decide if this is what you want

 OP said she has
helpful (0) 
 She can try again though and speak to him about exactly what she is hoping for
helpful (1) 

I know you say you love him etc etc, but if you were seeing someone as well as him, how would he react? Would he be angry and consider it cheating? Or is it fine for you to see other people? Is the relationship between you exclusive? Or is that not defined either?
I would just feel like he is waiting for something better to come along. After all if he thought you were that important to him, he wouldn't want anything to get in the way of that, or lose you to someone else.

 I think he wouldn’t care but that’s my point of view. Makes sense to me and I feel the same way. It’s exclusive
helpful (0) 

He’s just not that into you.

There is a book with this title too, get it and read it.

 I read that book when it come out years ago. It was amazing. It certainly opened my eyes and because of that, I met my husband. We've been married 15 yrs and have 5 kids. Life couldn't be sweeter ♥️
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Awww darling. He's taking you for a ride. Ditch him.

 Maybe she likes the ride
helpful (0) 
 It would want to be fantastic sex to keep being used in that way
helpful (0)