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Grandson has just been circumcised. Grandfather (husband) feels like he was violated. HE was done as a child, hates his parents for doing it to him. We never had our son circumcised because we felt it was cruel

Hubby feels so angry at our daughter in law, I just tell him that I too am sorry he had to have it done, but we cant interfere in their business, it was ultimately their decision. He is just so angry that he states that when they have another child and it could be a girl that she should be circumcised as well. We feel if only they asked our opinion or advice we could have explained our opinion, and saved the poor little boy so much. Our son never had problems with cleanliness etc, was taught from an early age about hygiene.


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Answers (18)

You can have opinions all you want but why one earth would they come to you? As you pointed out it is their decision. End of story ! As they didn’t come to you, you don’t know the reasons why they chose to do this. For all you know there could have been a medical problem.

Its not your child, mind your business.

 children aren’t property to cut up- let them make their own decisions on their body when they can. It’s abuse.
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 Its not cutting up
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 It's surgically removed! Using sharp cutting implements. What else do you call it?
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Oh for fu**s sake. Being angry at your parents for being circumcised. He had kids. He had, I'm assuming enjoyable sex. It didn't hinder him a bit.
People who compare it to circumcising a female are so fu****g stupid. That is removing a part of them to have sexual pleasure. That's a huge difference to both! So, get over it. Leave them alone. They made a decision, it's done with. It won't change your relationship with your grandson. Your grandson didn't need saving. He's fine. Move on.

 Totally's like comparing apples and oranges! 'Grandparenting' is going to be very hard for this pair if they are going to get angry and hurt if they aren't involved in all decisions regarding their grandchild. I feel sorry for the dil who is obviously going to bear the brunt of their displeasure.
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You need to take a step back. These are not your decisions to make. Even if you think they are wrong, you have to let them make them. Have faith your son and his partner and doing the best they can based on what they know and what they believe, even if they don’t align with your beliefs. Your role now is grandparent, relish in it. Don’t be the overbearing grandparents that feel you have to step in because you think you know is better. That is not your job. There is a boundary and you really need to respect it.

 This is exactly what I was going to write.
Do not step in!! Nothing worse than over bearing grand parents (my parents are awful for this. They make a battle for me almost that I have to highlight this exact point which I would rather they just butt out- if we wanted their opinion we’d ask!!!)
Hope this helps

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Not your baby.
He isnt your baby.
Your opinion doesn't matter in any way, shape or form because he is not your baby.

 😂 I love this answer!
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In a society where consent is everything, WHY ARE WE REMOVING PARTS OF OUR CHILDREN'S GENITALS WITHOUT CONSENT? let them choose! It is their penis NOT YOURS!

Unless there was a medical reason then I don't agree to get it done. Some babies aren't even given pain relief they think it's because they don't feel pain and are quiet during and after but it's because their body goes into shock and shuts down. If it's purely for vanity then that's fu***d

 I thought it was because they are too young for anesthetic. I’m not sure the belief babies don’t feel pain is really upheld by doctors any more.
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 Both my boys are done and they were both given local anaesthetic before hand.
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 It’s all vanity.
Anesthetic or not- Gross to violate people in such a way.

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I’m guessing someone is doing ‘research’ on an article about circumcision...

What does he hope to achieve by stepping in, and telling them where they went wrong? He cant have it reversed. What do you think their reaction is going to be if your suggest fgm if they have a daughter? You need to get your husband to understand that your grandchildren don't belong to you, you are not the parents, and they are probably going to make a lot of decisions that you don't agree with. You will probably watch them do things very differently to what you did with your children, and that's ok parenting changes over time.
If they ask for advice it's ok to gently make suggestions, but you can't get upset if they don't take it. Your grandchildren will be lovely additions to the family, and hopefully you will get to be a part of their lives and watch them grow. If you start trying to backseat parent, you are risking missing out on being a part of it all. Don't let your husband ruin this amazing part of your life, because he wants to force his opinions on his family.
How would you feel if your daughter in law told you that you were a neglectful parent because you didn't get your son done? What if she said it was dirty and and she didn't want to risk her health because you were too selfish and stupid to care for your son, then informed you that your son has been done, and thank goodness she was there to correct the parenting you got wrong? So you can probably imagine if your husband has a go at her, how well it will go down.

How about this. Breasts increase the risk of cancer. Remove all breasts from newborn girls. Same argument principles. Who's keen??

 Actually probably a better argument as more women are at risk of breast cancer than males are at risk of phimosis
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 Some women at high risk of breast cancer actually do have them removed before they are diagnosed.. I think this is a ridiculous comparison though. A mastectomy is a very complicated procedure. A circumcision is not.
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Tell your husband to mind his own business. The child is not his, he doesn’t get a say in anything and neither do you.

Why do they have to have to you for advice? They obviously wanted to get it done for him and hey did it. They don’t need to consult you.

Everyone has different opinions/views on this topic. Unfortunately when it comes to these things grandparents don’t really get a say. I’m sure it was a discussion between your son and dil and this was the outcome, maybe your son wasn’t completely thrilled at the idea but she managed to convince him based on research she has presented him with.
I don’t believe the daughter will be circumcised but no doubt she will have her ears pierced where she (baby) might be viewed by others (your husband in particular) that she’s been violated.
My husband is and so are our 4 sons. I was a bit hesitant only from the “pain” factor but eventually came around as my brother got done as an adult due to an infection and pretty much said “he tasted death” doing it at a later age. My brother went on to have 2 boys and both have been circumcised because he didn’t want to risk them going through what he went through.
I would be telling your husband to accept it and move on, he can’t change it therefore losing sleep over it or damaging family relationships is not worth it.

There are proven medical benefits to circumcision, including decreased rate of penile cancer, STDs and UTIs. It also prevents the chance of complications to do with the foreskin in later life, such as phimosis (tight or non-retracting foreskin) which is hereditary and likely to happen to the child if the father suffered from it. Sometimes it's medically necessary. There are a number of legitimate reasons to do it so don't leap to conclusions without knowing the circumstances. It's not your child.

 I had my newborns tonsils, adenoids, appendix all removed as a newborn to prevent the small chance they'd need them removed as an adult. Precautionary and all. Pfft.
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 Yeah I get what you're saying. But if there was some hereditary condition that meant your kid's tonsils would almost certainly need to be removed at puberty, and the surgery was more complicated & difficult to recover from at puberty, you probably WOULD get them taken out as a newborn. And your child wouldn't remember it or care.
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 That sounds pretty extreme & cruel. It's not a puppy.
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 Decreased rates of stis? Teach safe sex! Decreased rates of utis and infections? Teach your child to wash properly! Stop being a lazy parent who mutilates their beautiful baby
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 I think you misread my comment as "I shall circumcise INSTEAD of teaching my kids good sexual health practices". Obviously I do those things too.
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I don't agree with circumcision of infants either but tread very carefully here. If they wanted your opinion they would have asked for it. You are skating a very thin line to having your grandparent privileges revoked and he has only just been born. Set the stage now and show you respect their decisions as parents even if you don't agree. Tell your husband to pull his head in and don't just blame your dil. Your angel son who obviously can do no wrong had to consent to it too.