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Why do women get angry with the mistress and not their partner ?

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Answers (19)

It's called Men's Privilege. Men have been getting away with things for centuries, and women have been the scapegoats...but it's all changing slowly. And I'm not a man hater so please don't call me that. I'm married and have 3 sons.

 Totally agree with this!
helpful (0) 
 Yep.
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 I am not a man hater either but if a woman were to do the same behaviour, especially since she had kids, it would be inexcusable and she would be judged left right and centre. Yet a man just gets on with his life. Generally speaking. Again, not a man hater and don't agree with either party doing this but, yeah, a woman would get smeared for doing a fraction of what he does.
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I think it depends. I was mad at the mistress and my husband but i had met her several times (before the affair) she had been to our house, i cooked her dinner and looked after her kid. She knew all about me, our kids and our life but was still happy to play a part in destroying it. I was very angry with both of them. A few months later we spoke on the ph for over an hour and i think it was good for both of us. We talked through a lot of stuff, she was very apologetic and regretful and neither me nor my husband have heard from her since. My husband never could go through with leaving us for her and we are 2 years on and doing well. If i didnt know the person i probably would have blamed my husband entirely. We werent in a great place (obviously) but thats no excuse to cheat. You work on fixing things or end it first. Cheating on your partner is one of the worst things anyone can do - it is so damaging whether you stay together or spkit the pain and scars are there for the rest of your life. P

 Yes, it if the mistress knows, it is equally her fault.
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I wasn't angry with her. I was ropeable with him. Been 18 months and he still hasn't seen his kids. I told him if he wants to see them he will take it to court and he hasn't even started the process. I won't let him see them because he has threatened to skip town with them so he isn't going anywhere near them until there are court orders in place. Her on the other hand, I sent her a message and thanked her for showing me who he really is and let her know she could keep him. They lasted about a month after we split, he was with another girl for about 2 months and now he has another one that's been about 2 months as well. And in the mean time messaging me begging me to take him back. How about you go choke on a dick, then jump off a cliff mate?

 You are very strong. Well done.
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 And what an idiot for threatening to skip town with them. Shows what an asshole he is and doesn't care for them at all. Any person who threatens to skip town with kids is unstable and does not deserve to be in their lives. If he cared so much for them he would do the right thing. By you and them.
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I was equally disgusted in both, tore both apart equally
I forgavd him cos we have history
Her, she is out of our lives and i couldnt give a toss if she were dead

 😳 you couldn't care if she died, but your husband who you had a history with and should have had the decency not to do that you forgave 😦

This makes no sense

helpful (4) 
 She owes you no loyalty but your husband did, which make his actions far worse
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I think it's just a way of coping with the situation. I know that it's entirely my ex husband's fault, but as we still had to parent our kids together I decided to blame the mistress. He left me for her so in my mind she just took him with no consideration for our kids. I told my husband if he wanted an amicable split to keep her away from me. I have simply sidelined her. My two were little when it happened so if he wanted to see them he had to come here. For the first few years of their relationship he was here with us two nights a week, even now she can't watch them play sport or go to school concerts, he spends Christmas Day with us not her. Things like that. I have never met her.

 How long have you been split up for?
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 It's been 8 years now.
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 I would be exactly the same!
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 So your ex and this girl have been together for 8 years. I assume she’s a fairly big part of your kids life and she’s not allowed to attend games and concerts?
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 What happens if they had a child together? He has to choose between which kid/s he’s going to see on Christmas Day? Would you deny your children a relationship with their sibling?
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 It’s a spiteful way to go, not judging I don’t know how I would have reacted in that situation.
helpful (1) 
 Yeah I think that is such a spiteful route to take.
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 No not spiteful. They don’t have kids together so that’s a non issue. It’s been 8 years it’s obviously working okay
helpful (1) 
 Have you thought about if they did tho? Like would you deprive your kids of a relationship with their sibling? At some point you have to let go of your anger and do what’s right for the kids.
helpful (2) 
 The fact that you won’t answer the question reiterates how spiteful you’re being. You’re not putting your children first, you’re putting your feelings first.
helpful (1) 
 I understand why you would avoid her, but blaming her is not a good lesson for your kids. That teaches them that women are evil and men are allowed to do whatever they want. You can avoid her and hate her but the blame lies with him.
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 I haven't answered as sometimes this site won't let me, I did try.
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 When we first split there was no need for me to see her, they were six months old and their dad visited them here. We found a way to co parent, I had to deal with him not her. My ex husband realised it was best to have an amicable split rather than add extra stress. The kids are happy we spend some time as a family, especially as the kids don't like being away from me it makes access difficult he spends a bit of time here with them. The kids have no idea why we split up, so don't see her as to blame it's just how it's always been. I asked the kids if they wanted to ask her to an event and they said no so I will leave it. I don't care how it affects her, my kids are happy and that's all that matters. If you are happy to take part in splitting a family there may be negative consequences for you, don't like it try dating single men not married men.
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 Still didn’t answer the question tho, just rattled off a bunch of reasons.
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 They don't have kids so not an issue, but if they did their dad would have to work out how to spend time with them all, for example only spend a bit of time here on Christmas Day. The kids do spend a bit of time at their dads house so they would know their sibling.
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 I blame her because I don't have to have a relationship with her, if I blamed and let my anger be towards my ex husband as it should be, I wouldn't have been able to cope being around him. I couldn't just send my babies off to his place so the access had to be here, he wouldn't have been able to see his kids if I didn't decide it was all her fault . The kids just think it's normal, they don't know why we split, I always make sure I have a positive attitude towards it all. I don't really care now, but I don't want her to be part of my life so she's not.
helpful (1) 
 I agree it's spiteful but the kids are happy, I have to live with the consequences of their actions, and they can too. If the kids ever want to ask her to something unless it's at my house I would be ok with it and make an effort to be friendly.
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 Did I answer all the questions?
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 It seems so! Thank you.
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Misplaced anger to an extent. I think they have every right to be angry at the mistress... a little but the brunt of it should be directed at the husband/boyfriend. He is he one that owed her loyalty, not the mistress.

I’m ready for the onslaught but I was the mistress. He left her and we’ve been together 10 years now. We have a great relationship, we love and trust eachother. It was just meant to be. I’m not proud of what we did but it was fate. The ex wife... oh boy does she hate me and I don’t blame her but she put it ALL on me and none on him. I had never met this woman or heard her name but it was all my fault apparently. I don’t agree, he married her and promised her, not me. That’s on him (and a little on me too). But so be it, if blaming me saying I “stole” him away is what she needs to do to deal with the pain. Not much I can do about that.

 I think because she was in love with him and love is blind. Easier to be angry with you, a complete stranger than the man she loved. And I don’t think it’s a little on you. It’s 50% on you since you are one half of the relationship. Takes two to tango, as they say.
helpful (2) 
 If he cheats with you he will cheat on you
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 I actually think it's 100% on him unless she was a friend of yours.

And I don't believe in if he cheats with you he'll cheat on you.
My brother cheated on every girl he'd ever been with till he met his wife
Until her he never understood how a man could be faithful... 20 plus years on, he's put a single foot wrong.
Until her he laughed at people who got married and never understoood it.



Sometimes people just haven't met the person who brings out the best in them .

helpful (6) 
 No I didn’t know her.
Yeah that’s how I see it to. Sometimes nothing is right until you meet the right person. Thats what happened with me and my husband.

helpful (1) 
 He might have cheated with someone else had it not been you, but you were still a willing participant. Knowing he was married, still having something of a relationship with him. That’s 50%.
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 It's not 50% because she is not the one in a relationship and not breaking any promises or lying

Bottom line is of THE CHEATER says no nothing happens.
So the buck stops with him.
If the mistress says no there's 1000s of other vaginas out there. Can even pay for one if your desperate ... same goes for free penis about.

Cheating won't happen if both parties are happy and choose to be monogamous regardless of a 3rd party.
But cheating will happen in spite of a mistress' no.

Ergo the cheater is 100% at fault as they are the one doing all the hurt and breaking of morals

helpful (7) 
 ^ completely disagree with you. Just because she isnt the one breaking the marriage vows doesn’t mean she is not to blame. You speak of morals. Well, isn’t knowingly sleeping with a married man amoral?
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 ^ I think you mean immoral 😂😂
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 ^ yes I do thank you for the clarification.
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 She could have meant either. Immoral means you know it's wrong but do it anyway. Amoral means you don't really know/care about right and wrong.
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 I actually meant to write vows. Not morals originally 😂😂😂

Morals have nothing to do with blame it's a seperate issue

There is one person who broke up the relationship. That's the person IN IT. As I said if they say no the buck stops there. If their inclined to say yes then THAT is the problem and the mistress or other dude is an after affect of what was all to do with the cheater. If they go there in their actions with her they'll go there with someone else.

If you blame the mistress it's just as much logic to blame the wife too....

helpful (3) 

I am solely pissed off at my husband! And feel very sorry for the other woman, I am 100% sure she has no idea about me as he just lies and lies. So much that he believes it himself. I am very sure once the shine wears off he will dissapear from her life just to do it all over again. I’m so done but can’t leave just yet.

Cos it's easier. Cos they have to hold onto something that says they weren't totally fooled , that they were somehow duped into doing what they did.
I get it but I think maturity should make you say, it's not her, it was him. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else and it was his heart and faithfulness that way weak, not weakened by someone else.
And the harsh reality they didn't love you the way you deserved .

humans always take the easier route it's natural, that's why people who go the hard way in anything are admirable .

My anger was equally distributed. I hate them both with such as passion that I am currently in the process of ruining both their lives. They thought I was going to be a push over....not this little black duck. Sucks to be them.

 How are you ruining their lives?
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 I took everything I could.
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I was in desperate search of some way to make my ex boyfriend fall back in love with me. We have had our ups and downs, but over the past 6 months our relationship went south. I have spent 500+ on a spell caster that I thought would help me and not knowing that she didn't helped. I am reaching out because I want to be the desirable woman that I used to be and him fall back in love with me, and marry me. I can't picture this boy with anyone else until i really contacted Dr. Ikhine who make my dreams come through via him [email protected] or call 00097038832903 it really works

I was angry at both, but the anger is different. The other woman had two young kids and knew that I had three young kids. I just couldn’t understand how another mother could hurt her own children and somene else’s children. She was telling my husband how much she loved her kids and how she would never hurt her kids, but was quite happy to hurt mine. Don’t get me wrong, I know my husband hurt our kids too, I just mean that as a mother myself, I couldn’t understand how another mother could do it. I was angry at her for not only destroying my kids lives, but her own kids too. Poor kids get caught up in it all too.

It's on the man. But the other women should be prepared to take the blame. A friend's dad cheated and left, while they tolerated the woman they never accepted her. She didn't get invited to my friends wedding, she was not pleased as told my friend off for not having any respect for her. My friends response was like you had respect for my mum?

The blame should be on the man. But it's a shitty thing for a woman to do, if you want someone's leftovers, at least let them out the sandwich down first.