Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

What do you think about guest leaving weddings early?

Considering;
-it cost the Bride & Groom per head for them to be there,
-Australian weddings do not finish late, midnight or 1am, sometimes later (it costs a heap more)
-as a friend, all they want is for you to be there and (pretend if you have to) enjoy yourself, on their special day, is that too much to ask considering your a 'friend'? To just be there for them for half a day?
-one late night out won't kill you and if your not going to stay out late for a friends wedding then what is worth staying out for?
-I never do it, and find it disrespectful. Been to wedding where guest left at 10:30pm!

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (80)

10:30pm is hardly cause for a whinge. You're being a bit precious. It would be bad taste on the guests part to bail before dinner or even right after without good reason. By 10:30pm, dinner is long since done, the speeches are done and the cake is cut.

 So true!! Most weddings start at about 2pm so by 10.30pm that is over 8 hours.
helpful (6) 
 but for one day? for a wedding? its about the bride and groom
helpful (0) 
 Not sure why you want them there against their will. Your wedding is about you but the whole point of your friends being there is so they can have a good time celebrating with you. Do you even like these people? Do you want them to have a good time? Or are they there as a rent-a-crowd.
Also I don't get why you feel midnight is fine but 10.30 is rude? Why? They've eaten the meal and listened to your speeches. They've given you a gift in exchange for the price you paid per head. What are they going to miss out on in that crucial 1.5 hour slot between 10.30 and midnight?

helpful (8) 

Okay, consider this:
A) if I came to the ceremony, and stayed for some of the reception, I've enjoyed a beautiful day with you. How many other days of the year do you expect me to be held hostage exclusively by your schedule and your comfort levels? Not many I'd say
B) not everybody has childcare available. Say what you will but theres not a single person within 5 hours from me (and that's 5 hours by PLANE) that I would trust with my kids. I need to leave when my kids are ready. They will ALWAYS come before any friend (especially one that sounds as spoilt and entitled as you)
C) I'm pregnant and as such can't drink. Have you ever been to a wedding sober? The reception is boring once the formalities are done. Everyone is intent on getting drunk and making idiots out of themselves under the guise of having a good time. Great, that's fine. You do you. But don't expect me to find your drunken uncle Bills sleazy pickup lines charming or funny. Nor to put up with a groomsman waving his junk around in my face for a laugh
D) I'm 28 years old, I don't have the time or patience to put up with bridezillas who expect me to rearrange the earths orbit for their big day. I didn't even do that for my wedding. If I have work the next day (which is highly likely since most weddings happen on a Saturday and I work on Sundays) I can't turn up exhausted. I run my own business what kind of example is that for my employees?

 You don't have to drink to have a good time. That mentality is young bogan 90's
helpful (14) 
 A) Just that one day. The weeding day of your friend.
B) I'm sure there are exceptions with leaving early with kids. But your the adult.
C) I don't drink. Yes I have been to many weddings/birthdays/events sober. And I still enjoy it and have fun.
D) Who said Bridezilla? Who said anything but you being a guest? You are not the only person who works. Tired for one day because you supported a friend and had a great time celebrating their union of love? Suck it up Princess

helpful (4) 
 typo
wedding

helpful (0) 
 I think your employees, along with most people, understand weddings. And it's something to be 'exhausted' for a good reason, i.e. a happy celebration
helpful (2) 
 Who said the wedding is for good friends or that its fun and happy. There are many weddings which are neither, just saying
helpful (3) 
 You're self employed but have to work on say days? What's the point.
helpful (0) 
 It's never one day though. If it's a day wedding it's easier to manage. But a night wedding. No. I'm not for that. I'm not about staying up till midnight watching drunks, when I could be at home watching my children.
Fair enough, if the kids are now the perfect reason to leave early, it shouldn't matter about any other reasons. Just a simple "congratulations, your wedding was beautiful. You're such a perfect couple! Okay gotta go get the kids home, bye love you!" then we're done.
Whether I'm a 90s bogan or not, is irrelevant here, but nice character assumption of a total stranger based off a few sentences. Good for you.
I would call any bride that's going to throw a tantrum just because some guests want to leave before it's late, a bridezilla. Even if you don't like that they're leaving early, show some grace and accept that it's their choice. Not yours. Whatever their reason, guests should be free to leave when they want to.

helpful (7) 
 And yes, I work for myself. I employ mostly young people (teens) who are still learning about work ethics and etiquette in the workforce. It would be irresponsible of me to chastise them for turning up hungover or sick, and then to do it myself. Regardless of the circumstance. I work on Sundays as that's one of the busiest days for us. We're close to a few big churches that let out at various times between 8am, and 11am. So we get a lot of elderly people and then young families come in. Saturdays are quiet for us.
helpful (7) 
 Depends on the wedding, i have been to breakfast wedding starting at 10am and finished at 1:30pm but could stay for longer if you wanted.Lunch weddings 11-3pm, dinner wedding 5-11 and the traditional lllooonnngggg church service at 11am, then big break, then reception 6pm-midnight. As a guest I stay till the end. As a human being I know trying to org any gathering - you can't please everyone, someone will alway complain about something, the time, the day, the food, the weather!

As for the bogan 90's comment person - I think the comment is a bit harsh, .....but! I agree that you don't need to drink to have fun

helpful (3) 
 When you are the only sober person it is no fun at all! I like the saying, 'The only thing worse than a drunk person when you're sober is a sober person when you're drunk'.
helpful (1) 
 More ppl are sober now, health reasons, someone has to drive, pregnant, breastfeeding. There is also more just tipsy drunk and awareness of ppl today rather than the lets get smashed mindset I grew up with in my younger days
helpful (0) 
 Chances are the sober people are not sitting together though, and people still get drunk at weddings
helpful (1) 
 Chances are the sober people are not sitting together though, and people still get drunk at weddings

You aren't glued to your seat, you can move and interact with others freely.
Drunk people at wedding - oh my!, well lets never leave he house again!

helpful (3) 
 Um just saying its not enjoyable to be around drunk people when you are sober. I did it on the weekend and it is not fun. Drunken conversations are not the same as sober conversations and you feel like slapping them when you would otherwise be laughing along side them if you were drinking too. Next time I go somewhere and can't drink I'm not exactly going to leave the people I went there with to seek out the sober people so we can hide in the corner to ride it out. It would be easier if I just left before anyone got too drunk. I'm not stepping on their toes and they wont be stumbling on mine.
helpful (2) 
 I hate social gatherings, so wedding, or birthday, or work Christmas party, I'll probably just be the rude friend who RSVPs Can't make it, and you don't talk to ever again because you're upset with me. I make people who leave early look good because at least they showed up lol
helpful (4) 
 I dont mind being sober one amongst the drunks. Its usually rather amusing.
helpful (0) 
 I've been to weddings as a sober person, and it's shit, there are more drunken losers then sober people. My husband is recovering alcoholic, we don't drink, we have fun until everyone else is too much and we leave early, he doesn't need temptation, if you weren't selfish friends you'd consider that, but no one ever does, and they peer pressure him, ohhh come on mate one beer won't kill you.
So we will be selfish and leave early instead.

helpful (0) 
 We also never had a wedding ourselves. Just two witnesses, so we didn't force anyone to hang out against their will with us so I'm not being double standard 😂
helpful (1) 

I am guilty of leaving at 10.30. My two month old was home with my mum with my 3 yr old. I missed my kids and despite expressing before I left in the afternoon my boobs started to get really full so I had to go or start leaking. I didn’t mind the wedding being no kids but this is what happens.

 
helpful (0) 
 Bringing young ones should be ok for this reason
helpful (0) 

I hate weddings...all the forced interactions.
i have to get drunk to endure them.

Elderly people don't like staying up that late, some people have to drive 2+hrs to get home, not feeling well, early start the next day, babysitters for kids etc.... there are many good reasons why people leave early. Don't be selfish and expect people to stay.
But I do agree with some of the comments, if they're leaving to go party somewhere better then that's shit.

Honestly, if Im tired my brain switches off and Im no fun.
I make an effort for weddings sure, but if I hit that point of tiredness, which is rare, theres really not much point in me being there - I literally cant hold a coherent conversation.
It also depends on whose wedding it is. If you dont know anyone there, it could be quite uncomfortable and not everybody drinks.

I love how most people follow the exact same template for a wedding & wonder why people get bored & leave early. They are the same wedding except you picked green bridesmaids dresses instead of blue, you picked different flowers or church. It's boring. Be different.

 What would you do that is different?
helpful (0) 
 Not have a traditional, mind numbingly boring wedding? I mean you'll only get divorced in 5 years time anyway
helpful (1) 
 Not have a traditional, mind numbingly boring wedding? I mean you'll only get divorced in 5 years time anyway
helpful (0) 
 Sooooo, what would you do that is different?
helpful (1) 
 I'm wondering the same. A wedding so wonderful that no-one leaves because everyone is having the time of there lives! If you can plan a 'not traditional boring' wedding you would be great in the party planning industry
helpful (0) 
 ^lol
helpful (0) 
 ^^ is that sarcasm? lol
helpful (0) 
 Well funny you should mention that my hired mc said I should professionally do weddings after I did ours but I couldn't handle the stress. Nice to hear though.
helpful (1) 
 So, what did you do that is different?
helpful (0) 
 Sorry luv i'm not telling you about my wedding because someone will figure out who I am. I take my anonymity seriously.
helpful (1) 
 Ps. I didn't write half the replys on here just in case you're looking for argument
helpful (0) 
 ^^ good point, I get it : )
helpful (0) 
 Thanks for understanding
helpful (0) 
 No worries
helpful (0) 

Honestly who cares? You don't suddenly own someone for the day, reading the answers on here has been entertaining. With the expectations that come with the invitation it seems like I would rather stay home, stay until midnight, no kids and no Facebook. It's an important day for you, it's not that important for everyone else, if bridezillas start dictating what the guests can do they may find most people are busy that day.

 I guess you don't get invited to many things with that attitude
helpful (0) 
 She’s right though! An invitation with rules and expectations, how ridiculous. Some people when they get married act like it’s a major priveledge to be invited to their wedding. They forget how expensive attending a wedding actually is. And if there are rules like must stay til the end, don’t look at your phone, give X amount to the wishing well I’d sooner not be invited to things, thanks.
helpful (6) 
 No one I know has ridiculous expectations so it's never been an issue, why don't you try putting your rules on an invitation and see how many people are busy that night.
helpful (0) 
 can't agree more
helpful (0) 

Yes, I'm also 'older' (come on, we are spring chickens!) and it was delightful to be invited and go to a happy celebration. You would look forward to it and talk about for ages both before and after.
I have noticed the early leavers at recent weddings. I think the tech of constantly using the phone is to blame for this instant gratification generation.Don't get me wrong, love how phones take good pictures but, sitting on your phone at an event does not make you 'present' only 'psychically there.' What would happen if you had to leave you phone at the door?-emergencies aside.
I think this generation (not all) also suffer from the Bridezilla (not just the bride), the world owes me/revolves around me a bit more.
Where has human compassion gone?
*beep* sorry gotta got....facebook calls

 Maybe they got sick of listening to you go on about the good old days.
helpful (2) 
 Maybe they got sick of listening to you go on about the good old days.

Maybe she has more manners than you. She is answering a question from the OP. If she does think/talk about 'the good old days' good on her to have such sweet memories, let her enjoy them

helpful (5) 
 I don't think she has manners, that was a rude bitchy comment, so she got a similar one back. If "she" can't handle a rude comment, then she should keep her opinions to herself. Just like someone with manners, although someone with manners would know that.
helpful (3) 
 What does tech have to do with it? I got married before social media, and half our guest still left before we did.
helpful (2) 
 when you go out all you see is ppl swiping on their phones and not interacting
helpful (1) 
 My upcoming wedding has a phone/social media ban. It’s on the invite
helpful (1) 
 wow that will be interesting. good on them. will be hard to enforce though
helpful (0) 
 I understand asking people to not take photos of you (I know this is a wedding photographer’s pet peeve, guest getting in the way while taking pics when they are trying to do the job they were hired for), but how do you ban people, who are grown ups from using their phones? Will you kick them out of the venue if you see them using one?
helpful (1) 
 My family and friends think it’s an awesome idea.
helpful (2) 
 When you have real friends you don't need to worry about it being enforced 😂 Real friends are respectful and don't need to be monitored.
helpful (2) 
 ^great answer!
helpful (0) 

I wanted everyone to go home early from my wedding. I was exhausted & wanted to go to bed 😆.

 What time was the end of yours?
helpful (0) 
 9.30
helpful (0) 
 I also had a 6 month old though & breastfeeding, my life just exhausting in general then.
helpful (0) 
 wow!
helpful (0) 

I think damn why didn't I think about escaping early. Lets sneak out the back door of this shit boring wedding & go home to bonk.

 😂
helpful (1) 

I think it depends. Hubby and I were at a wedding last weekend where kids were not allowed, we have a bub (9 months) so we left at 10:30. But to leave because it's boring or whatever I find to be rude. My best friends left my wedding at 9pm to go to a night club. I was fu****g furious and haven't spoken to them since.

 Omg that is poor form from your friends!!
helpful (9) 
 Oh wow, that's awful form! We're they a part of your bridal party?
helpful (2) 
 Doesn't sound like a best friend at all! Poor you, now you can find a real BFF : ) hugs
helpful (2) 
 Were the speeches and cake cutting over?
helpful (0) 
 No they weren't. Cake was being cut at 9:30!
helpful (0) 

the bride and groom need to take into consideration their guests individual circumstances, while its the most important day of their lives guests may have work or other commitments the next day. We are a family of 4 and we have left some weddings at 8pm because it was a 4 hour drive home and others at 11pm because it was a local wedding.

I think it’s rude to expect your guests to be there until the end. I’ve been to wedding that finish well after mid night. That’s beyond late for many people. About half our guests left our wedding before we did. Including some family. That was fine. I wanted everyone to have a good time. The fun is less if you have this expectation to stay beyond what you want to.

If your guests leave you're probably boring as f**k and had a boring wedding, that's not their fault.

 Agreed
helpful (0) 
 and your wedding was the highlight of the year?
helpful (0) 
 No one left early.
helpful (2)