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My sister isn’t interested in my children and it breaks my heart.

I have three children and my youngest sister ( there’s 3 of us) flat out ignores my kids at family gatherings, she had never helped me out. It breaks my heart as we had a beautiful sisterly relationship before I had children.

She tells me she won’t have her own as she doesn’t want to “ruin her life”.


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Answers (14)

I don’t really see what the issue is. As a previous poster stated, as long as she isn’t rude to them it shouldn’t be a problem. Maybe she just isn’t in to children, some people aren’t and that’s ok as long as they are always kind and respectful.

You seem to be overreacting in my opinion and it feels like you need reassurance from your sister that your choices are ok. Why not just be happy and grateful for what you have? Stop worrying about things that are outside your control. Your sister is her own person and is allowed to make her own decisions, even if you disagree with them.

 Yes, this. Also, your post seems needy...
helpful (0) 

Why does she have to help you? Also there's no mention of a partner. Could she just hate your partner & what you've made of your life with him? How do your parents feel? Could she have picked up vibes from them?

 Oh I agree with that. My sister partner is a piece of crap, I avoid him and her like the plague. He's toxic and dangerous.
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Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make your sister take part in your children's lives. All you can do is choose how you react to the situation. Good luck xx

 This.... Focus on protecting your heart.
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 ^yesssss 😘
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Could she be jealous? She is the youngest, so the new nieces and nephews would have stolen her thunder. She might just try and hide it under the mask of "I don't want/like kids". Do your kids notice that she ignores them, do they try and interact with her and she gives the cold shoulder? If she does I wouldn't want my kids around her, that's very arrogant and she probably wouldn't do that to adults so what makes kids different? Your kids need basic respect, she doesn't need to go all Mary Poppins on them but being flat out rude shouldn't be tolerated either.

Some people aren't children people, they don't know how to interact or don't care to. It's her opinion and you cant change her opinion however you can discuss this with her if it bothers you that much. But it shouldn't. She obviously doesn't like kids and right now doesn't see them in her future which is her right, To say she doesn't want to ruin her life shows her view clearly. It may change or it may not but that's her life and her choice. As you chose to have kids. However its not her job to help you with your kids you are the mother those kids are your responsibility.

Not everyone wants children and not everyone is maternal. As long as she isn't mean or rude to your children than there isn't much you can do about it.

 Flat out ignoring them is pretty rude.
helpful (2) 
 But if you don't like kids, you just don't like kids. No point faking it
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How far does she live from you ?

 23 kms
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Not everyone likes children, also people saying she is rude for 'ignoring' her kids...have you given thought that this woman writing may be more emotional/invested about it so she perceives it as 'ignoring' where as it might just not be 'maternal, fun loving, affectionate' as she would prefer. Not everyone loves kids, I'm a teacher I know lots of people, even parents that will give a quick 'hi' to nieces or nephews etc. but don't give much further fuss, the only fuss being to their own kids by which at social gatherings, are hoping to be left alone a little and the kids disappear off to play in the room or yard together while adults have some chat time. So, I can't imagine a person who doesn't want kids or does not like kids being able to extend much more than that. I even have friends who tell me their kids ruined their lives sarcastically but there is a seriousness to it, they love their kids to death, but definitely look back having their time again, the wouldn't have had kid / perhaps weren't the 'kid type of people'. That doesn't mean they are are horrible parents, they give their everything, but I can definitely see it takes an emotional toll as perhaps, like my friend said herself...she probably wasn't the mum type. Your children are the centre of your world not everyone elses. All you can control is how you treat them and how you teach them to respond in various tough situations.

The only thing I’d have a problem with is that she ignores them.
My brother hates kids, doesn’t want kids and doesn’t really want to have anything to do with them, he has never helped me out with the kids and I don’t expect him to.

But he always shows up for their birthdays, he interacts with them and is never rude to them. He acknowledges them but is not that typical uncle type and that’s fine not everybody likes kids but nobody should be rude to them. They don’t understand.

My sister has three children, I have three children. I like the kids fine, I do say hi at family gatherings and get Xmas and birthday gifts etc, but I don't really involve myself with her kids outside of that and she doesn't either. When she had her first I used to help her heaps, the favor was never returned, but now Im a busy working parent and she is a stay at home mum so has plenty of time to help herself imo.
I like my sister just fine too, I just don't really feel like being involved overly in her family.
Maybe your sister feels the same as that.

Maybe she has some infertility issues and finds it painful to be around relatives kids when she can't have any of her own. She uses not liking them to mask her own pain. Or she may not know how to interact with them, not everyone is maternal.

 This ^^^
My sister didn’t come to my twins christening. Christenings are a big deal for me and our family, that’s when I found out she had been doing ivf for 3 years.

Also another thought, I had a miscarriage years ago, unplanned pregnancy. Not many people knew.i couldn’t look at or hold a baby for over two years! So many parents expect you to want to hold babies and entertain toddlers. I asked an airline at an airport to not seat me near children on the second leg of a long haul flight and they were so rude!!! I had clearly been in tears so surely they figured something was up. I ended up hysterical. If I was sat beside a cute little baby I think I would have jumped if the plane!
Maybe your sister is just in a different chapter Olof her life, maybe there is a real reason. Offer to do something with her without your kids.
Like others said at least she’s not rude

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My sister in law used to ignore my two kids. Showed no interest in anything regarding them. Always made comments about her not wanting kids. She had been single for a long time. When I was pregnant with my third she met her now husband and fell pregnant. Our babies were born three months apart. As soon as hers was born she began showing interest in mine. I think perhaps she was jealous at the time, thinking she’d never have kids ( she was 40) and her coping mechanism was to stay away from mine and say she never wanted kids. She’s a good Aunty now.

My sister tells me f**k all about my 5 nephews aged 5,7,8,10,14