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"Noticing" how things are done

So we have husbands friend staying with us temporarily. He tries to help around the house but he's driving me crazy because he just does not notice how things get done, and even after several weeks does things differently, which just shits me. Like he gets the pegs from a basket in the laundry, but always leaves them all over the clothesline. He gets the saucepans out and the lids are kept on them, but puts them away with all the pans stacked and the lids in a totally different spot. I would think that you're in someone else's house, you notice how things are done and do the same?


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Answers (10)

Really, this is your problem? I would be over the moon if someone came and hung washing out or put dishes away, no fu**s given as to how it's done!

He's trying to be helpful. If it shits you that much just say no thanks. It's not hard.

 Yeah I have to agree, it's really sweet of him. Sure I can imagine it is annoying but try to look past and appreciate it, he is really trying to help you guys, just look it's it as the small finishing touches you have to do now on a job done
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My step mother refused to let my dads friend in the house until he had taken off his shoes, he refused because of smell and my Dad and him were no longer friends. But my step mothers carpet was as clean as the day they laid it. Not sure what my point is, just thought it was an interesting add on to the subject.

He might just be used to doing it his way. Each time you get fustraited think how great it is that he is pulling his weight instead of sitting on his arse. It might just help that little bit to get you through it without exploding.

You're all missing the point. Yes he's trying to help but he's also being totally disrespectful to her house and belongings. If would rather no help than someone stuffing it all up and having to do it again.

 I don't think he's being disrespectful at all! I think he is just stuck in his own ways. My husband still looks for things/puts things back the way he grew up doing it and we've been living together for nearly 8 years! He's trying to be helpful. If it annoys OP that much all she needs to do is open her mouth and say thanks but no thanks.
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 I wouldn't go as far as saying we are kissing the point. I think we got the point and we are trying to get op to realise how lucky she is, life is how you look at it, and especially kindness like this can be viewed differently if we have the power to see it that way
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 OP here. I'm not lucky! He is ruining our stuff and making more work for me, oh thanks for bringing the washing in, pity it's actually still wet and now I have to do it again! Oh you emptied the dishwasher and now I can't find anything because it's all over the kitchen! My point was he is making no effort to fit into the house. I'd rather have no help! I find it strange to NOT notice and carry on in the total opposite way to other people in the house. Even my 5 year old can put empty toilet rolls in the recycling, 35 year old man can't?? And I have asked him to do most of these things, politely.
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 Sit him down and talk to him calmly. Don't attack him or how he does things just simply say that you appriciate that he is trying to help but you are very particular about things being done a certain way, if that isn't something you are comfortable with tell him you aren't comfortable with guests doing those sorts of chores. He is probably just extremely grateful for the place to stay and wants to show you he appriciates it, he just is set in doing things his own way.
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 Well I take that back. We were missing the point, you certainly didn't refer to those type of examples in your initial topic, just pegs and saucespans. If you're upset at us misunderstanding, communication is something you need to look back over and communicate it with him firmly as you have been suggested. No more passive aggressive and unhelpful vagueness, no wonder he isn't changing like you want him to.
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 Vague? "Hey Xxxx, would you be able to bring the pegs in off the clothesline?" Or "thanks for bringing the washing in but is was still damp, next time could you leave it out till I get home?" How is that vague?
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Yes!!! Oh my goodness. It frustrates tge hell out of me! We had my parents stay with us for 3 weeks. I felt like i was constantly pissed off at them. I'd asked them lots of times abouf stuff... ie when you spill water on the floor after your shower-wipe the floor with the floormatt before you hang it up. Put your cups in the fing dishwasher when its empty! Dont wash yoyr dishes in cold water when the dishwasher is full- just put them on the side. Wipe up after you've eaten and left a mess on the table/floor. Put the toaster/milk/butter/ jam/ whatever away when you're finished.
Yes! I don't get how people can't see how things are done in a house they're staying in and mirror that behaviour. It's the simple stuff that make all the difference!

It must be frustrating, my husband never puts things in their place! I have spent a day cleaning and sorting out the toy room only to have him just dump toys just anywhere grrrrrrr. I stopped tidying it after that, it's unusable and the kids just play in the lounge (which annoys him). He likes to get value out of the dishwasher so puts as much as possible in, then it doesn't all come out clean so I have to soak and wash most of it. Got sick of it so now I put it away dirty, I wash things I use first so he has to either use dirty stuff or wash it himself. I have explained so many times how to pack the dishwasher or where to put things but nothing changes, so bugger him he can be inconvenienced not me. I would be honest, show the friend how you want things done, if he keeps making more work for you tell him to stop helping.

If he were a female claws would be out. Calling her lazy, useless etc. But since hes a guy its 'nice' that hes trying to help. Ffs, hes a guest, of course he should help

 Why is there always someone who has to bring gender into things? No one would be saying that if it were a woman, they would be saying the same as they are now. Stop trying to make something into something it isn't.
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 I don't think it's a gender thing at all.
My sister stayed with us for a while & it was exactly the same. She drove both my hubby & I CRAZY. Like, we have a home business & no matter how many times we told her not to touch the things on our desk she would grab every single paper on the desk & pile it up & put it all on the corner of the desk, completely moving everything out of order. Oh, and let's not forget pouring bleach in the washing machine to wash clothes! 😩 No matter how many clothes got ruined or how many times we said 'don't pour bleach on the washing!' She would continue to do it EVERY time. Arghh. I'm getting frustrated just thinking about it! But we just had to keep reminding ourselves it was her way of helping us out & letting her stay & it wasn't forever so it wasn't worth burning bridges over.
There was never any thought that she's lazy, it was just common sense that everyone has their way of doing things. As messed up as those ways might be (Who washes clothes with BLEACH?!)

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 *saying thanks for letting her stay
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Haha oh god this would be sooooo unbelievably frustrating!
I can't stand not having things in their place or done my way.
Having said that just keep reminding yourself it's only temporary. At least he is trying his as best he knows how to help out.
It's not worth having a falling out over or causing a rift/tension between your husband and his friend.
My thoughts are with you though lol

 Thanks! No falling out, but it's getting tense!
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