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I don't think I love my husband anymore...

We have been together 10 years, 3 kids and have been through our fair share of ups and downs, though I taught we where getting there.... Then he had had an affair, we tried to figure things out but I was to to hurt at the time and I left him for about a month in which I also slept with someone else. I also have recently started taking antidepressants which he doesn't support.... Anyway after months of trying to work things out and deciding stay together ... i suddenly don't feel anything for him.... I don't know what to do? What to say? Any suggestions to feel again would be great?

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Answers (28)

Counseling.. both single and couples. If you believe your relationship is worth fighting for, fight. Do whatever it takes. But don't expect it to happen overnight but if your open to it and willing to both work things can change.

My anti depressants made me not feel anything for a few months while they were correcting my emotions, after I had taken them for a while, it settled and my emotions came back/evened out. It could be that or prehaps you are on to strong a dose, I agree with other peoples comments on here as well about therapy, but it is possible that if you felt that you could get passed the cheating before and work through it before you started the medication, that it might be the meds just another consideration. Good luck with whatever you decide :)

13 years together and one child, but fell out of love, he wanted counselling. Did it once but realised it wasn't worth it. Although coming from a family where everyone who married stayed together I realised I needed to leave him and make myself happy even if that meant giving my young child a life of divorced parents. Otherwise we are just teaching our children that you stay with someone even if you're not happy. I want my son to be able to feel like he can leave a relationship if he's not happy

Sounds identical to my story except I always had feelings for him. After 18months of trying I just could get past it and am separated. I'm much happier and we separated before we ended up hating eachother. We now have quite a good coparenting relationship.

Giving it time.. If your head says you want to make it work then give it time and you may start to grow feelings for him again. After going through the traumatic experience of infidelity and separation it makes sense that your feelings are shut down. Love and feelings of wanting intimacy with your partner can come back. Counselling can help and lots of understanding and patience from your partner to nurture and mend your fractured heart so it can grow to love him again is important.
Time and space to heal unpressured helped me fall back in love with the father of my children again and we are so much stronger and happier for it.
I wish you all the best.

Spend some time together see if you can get the spark back or just enjoy each others company.

1) do you think couples who have been together for 30+ years didn't go through hell at times? It's not what you go through its what you make it through together.
2) antidepressants can completely numb you from any feelings. Don't make decisions when your upset
3) you both cheated get over it! You can't hold it over each other's head
4) go get the book The 5 love lauguages read it! Do it together
5) take a vacation together, no kids. that's where the answer is...

 She didn't cheat, they weren't together then, well thats how it reads. So there are issues for her to trust him
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 We weren't together when I slept with the other guy.
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 Don't ever ever tell someone who has cheated or been cheated on to get over it...not even if you yourself have been through it. It's mean, cold and bad advice. Rather, encourage them to work through it assuming they want to. When you truly love someone you can't JUST get over it. Whether the marriage stays intact or not it takes time and energy to process it and move past it. Cheating destroys marriages and sometimes you can't get past it.
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 Ok get over it was harsh! Forgive. For yourself and your children. Love unconditionally. And yes I had an affair 3 years ago. It completely crushed my husband! We did couples therapy and individual therapy. We scheduled weekly dates, sex, even conversations. It took a year before things started to get better. I never thought we would be where we are today. i love my husband because when I wanted to run, when I hated myself for what I did to him and our daughters, he didn't let me. I am forever grateful.
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 I like harsh, personally, sometimes you need to call a spade a spade. Separated for 1 month isn't really separated, FIFO couples do that all the time, it sounds as though she slept with someone to hurt back at her partner in her own hurt and all its done is complicate matters further. I agree with antidepressants numbing you and agree that if you want it - Fight, Fight, Fight for it. But give yourself some time to make that final decision. I also agree that you need to work on your relationship - you both need to make it a priority.
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 Your right fifo do all the time, she wasn't in a FIFO relationship... She has just found out her Hubsand after 10 years being together cheated on her... He had an affair and maybe she needed to feel something else than hurt...
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 FIFO is a dumb comparison.
If they weren't together they weren't together. Whether it was a day a week or a year. Yes it would have stung him but there was no actual betrayal

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Infidelity is hard to get over. If you have also slept with another man what's the point of trying. You clearly both have moved on physically. If emotional feelings where their I don't think either of you would have strayed from your relationship with each other. If you are now on antidepressants that may also be a factor. But time & space is probably what you both need before you can fix the relationship fix yourself first. Good Luck.

 I slept the other guy to feel wanted...There no emotions with him.
I was hurt after my husband threw away everything and lied and threated me. But I still loved him and I want to love him again instead of feeling empty.

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 Perhaps speak with your GP. Antidepressants are handed out like tictacs these days. But they are very powerful drugs & do have side effects. If you are feeling numb or emotionless you may be on the wrong type or dosage. Get a second opinion. Antidepressants are not a holistic solution, you need a plan with a good GP which should include councilling & long term lowering your dosage when you are feeling better. Don't get me wrong antidepressants are imperative in certain circumstances but you need proper care from your gp. A pill doesn't take the problems away it just helps you short term to cope in a crisis event. Councilling is the long term answer to your happiness. For yourself & your relationship.
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I'm going through the same thing (no cheating though) I have just moved out and we are currently working on things, he has already changed so much that I find myself falling for him again. Good luck in what ever you choose, hopefully whatever you choose makes you happy because that's all that matters.

I feel like this too. My husband had an emotional affair. It took a long time for him to admit that's what it was. He still sometimes denies it. It's very hard to feel the same way about someone after this kind of betrayal. On top of that he really doesn't treat me that well. He can be quite disrespectful and speaks to me horribly sometimes. I don't know if I'll ever feel anything for him other than the hated I feel when he's being horrible. I'm trying to love him again but I don't know how. Sorry I don't have any advice for you.. just wanted you to know you're not alone x

Op here- Thanks you for all the responses- I have finally told him how I feel... Have Moved into the spare room and I know I still care for him but right now I don't know if it's enough to stay.
Going to see if/hope things improve.

 Good luck. Honesty can go a long way to either helping you work things out together or starting a good coparenting relationship.
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Marriage is meant to be a commitment for life not a a commitment until it doesn't feel good anymore. You can choose to stay and fight and learn to love again. But don't get confused with the lovey doves feelings you get at the start of a relationship, I'm talking about love that goes beyond those awesome but slightly superficial feelings. As hard as it is look to do things for him, no focusing on the things he doesn't do for you. Look to better yourself as a partner before listing all his faults. I can't imagine how tough it is and cheating is so hard to come back from but I really belive you can make it work and be truly happy, if you both try.

My ex husband and I went through a similar situation and we tried to fight but realized it wasn't worth it for us. We were starting to hate each other. So then I took a leap of faith and left. I moved on with my life and so did he. We are now friends for the sake of our child. It was the best decision for me, but you have to do what is going to make you happy. If you want to fight it out (which is kind of what I gather from your post), then give it all you have. Stop making excuses and do something about it. Not only for yourself but for your husband as well. Talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. He may br feeling the same way or feel as though everything is fine. Talk to him!!

If you are serious about making it work, see counselors. Spending time rebuilding your relationship is a must. remember how it was in the beginning where everything was shiny and exciting? you have both changed over the last 10 years and made different choices, get to know each other again and date, always remember to go on dates alone and with friends (minus the kids) make time for each other. if after a few months it isn't working and you are too different then maybe it is time to throw in the towel before things get bad for the kids.

Ive been with my husband for 12years 2kids, and im not happy im planing to travel to the US to meet my male friend ive known for 10years?that im slowly falling for. I havn't been happy for awhile since losing 16kg in 5months. I have no idea to tell him. We have been fighting for weeks now and every message i get hes straight onto saying whos this etc

 Do u blame him ur practically cheating if u don't love someone move on instead of hurting the person just be honest
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 Yeah hard to be sympathetic when you're emotionally cheating and he's suspicious.....
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 You need to tell him, it's not fair to either of ye. Good luck with it. Your cheating on him and he is suspicious..... That's why ye are fighting.... Talk to him. X
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 So you lost weight and now he isn't good enough for you? On top of that you have obviously been carrying on an emotional affair with another man and I am assuming you would be leaving your kids while you travel to meet this other man. Wow, just wow.
Actually maybe you should do it because both your husband and kids deserve better then you.

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 Did you write into imperfect mum? If not someone else is in the exactly the same position
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