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I understand how you feel. My hubby’s family offer very little support and on the odd time it is offered it comes with a huge amount of judgment and gossip behind our backs so really not worth it. I’ve learnt to manage, I am polite and pleasant when I see them but make no effort myself anymore, ie., very rarely text or arrange catch ups. For me it’s just not worth it. I wouldn’t encourage him to cut off all contact, but I think it’s important to have boundaries and just accept things as they are. The big happy family I thought I’d married in to certainly hasn’t materialized. The thing that annoys me is when mum-in-law pulls rank and announces that everyone will be going to her house for Xmas etc. I let her win sometimes to keep the peace, but we also do say no sometimes.
Yes i have, and life is brilliant without them all! It’s strange this question has come up, because i was just thinking how much my life has improved since closing the door on basically everyone ive ever known! Mental health is the best its ever been, i have a general sense of calm, that i didnt have before. Also i have quit drinking alcohol (although i was never a big drinker, but i was drinking too much for me) with hardly any effort at all, and smoking pot! Which i had done for almost 20 years!!! Again, i did this with hardly any effort, before i made the decision to walk away from everyone, there is no way i could have even imagined quitting both pot and alcohol, to me, now it seems i was doing those things to cope with all the wankas and arseholes in my life, now they are gone im free! (I also dont have any social media, and havnt for about 7 years - and my life is great without it! Highly recommend doing it, if you feel your mental health slipping)... The only way to cease contact is to just do it! Dont make any announcements you are cutting people out, just quietly do it, block them, change your number, decide on the reasons you are doing it and keep that close to your heart, if you find arseholes continue to contact you, then you can tell them outright, that you are moving on in life and dont want to take them with you. Good luck.
Not me, but a friend. Her husband was very violent, she left and took the kids. He took her to court for access, and to stop her moving away. She would move so he didn't know where she lived, and her parents did drop off and pick up with the kids. He always found her because he would plead emergency and a family member would give him her details. He tormented her for years and one day she disappeared with her kids. It was about 10 years ago, no one heard from her again. I think her mum knows where she is, as she wasn't too worried. Unfortunately she just can't trust anyone. I often wonder how she's going.
No. I've walked away from some 'friends' and minimised contact with family (in laws) though.
My strategy is to minimise contact, don't let their comments affect me & when they need support I don't offer it.
With me, you reap what you sow.
No but I wish I did. I have learnt that if the people around you don’t support you they might as well be clawing your down. It has the same effect. Good luck I believe you can make it.
Yes friends, alot of them, some of them childhood friends. I didnt feel supported in a certain situation that I was struggling with I could see that they'd made a choice to side with the person I was having the issue with. I made a choice to leave them all even though I loved them because I couldn't be confronted with the toxic situation all the time, mentally I was falling apart. I still miss them and wonder what they're doing sometimes but at the end of the day I needed to heal & find myself again so it was for the best. Sometimes the right choices are the hardest to make. I had to make some really hard ones all around the same time. It was alot & life changing. You need to put yourself first, no matter what.
I'm wanting to do the same!! My family can be very toxic. My mum is very judgemental, snarky comments all the time. I'm very much on the out in my family as I don't get absolutely shit faced every night, don't break the law. Hubby and I wanting to pack up and move away from it all and I can't wait. I'm sick of being picked on for not being the same.
I cut off all contact with my mother for 7 years, and later another 10 years, and looking back it was the best thing I ever did.
I had 4 years of clinical depression as a teenager, which became suicidal, until the day I left home, at age 17.
It lifted like a black cloud the very day I left, and it never occurred again.
She had always belittled me and any achievements and I am sure that is what impacted my low self esteem.
Later we reconnected, but she constantly undermined my discipline of my son, telling him at about age 10 that I had no right to tell him to do anything.
In the end I moved countries, with my partner and kids. (Great way to escape).
She was so spiteful and destructive, and set family members against each other, if she could get away with it, which she did until my brother and I swapped the details of what she had said to each of us about the other.
Toxic people are incredibly damaging, and the only way to fix it is to cut them out of your life.