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Struggling.

I'm struggling, big time. Recently I let 2 friends stay with us because they had no where to go, they've gone now and left luggage and mess behind that I've had to clean. Dramas with seeing my step daughter on Christmas. Stress of hosting Christmas at my house, problems with the partner and toddler going full toddle and throwing tantrums, it's making me want to start up smoking again, I have no one that actually gives a shit about just how much I'm doing and trying to do FOR everyone else. I honestly want to drive away from everything and never return. I feel like I'm drowning.

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Answers (7)

I hear you sister! I am on my own with two small children, one of whom has mental health issues. He has been so hyper and aggressive that I feel like banging my head against the wall. My family are unsupportive and actually expect me to look after them (they really are incredibly selfish people). I have always looked after everyone with no help in return and put myself last. You need to do what I did, because I've decided that I need to be a little selfish and look after me and mine first. They have asked me to help with many things and I have said no. It felt great. I started treating myself and making sure I was looking after myself because nobody else is here to do it. I stopped thinking I was owed support and just got on with it. Maybe you should too. Tell people no, make them realise how much you do, look after yourself and stop being a bloody martyr. Who said a woman has to sacrifice all if who she is for the sake of everybody else. And if you don't think you're important enough, they won't either. I'm sending love and support into the universe for you sister xxxx

 I meant look after them too, and all other extended family.
helpful (0) 

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Try to think about yourself first. Don't offer to help people if you're not in the position to. Learn from this.

Can I just say your not alone...
And secondly your family do care about you and all that you do.

Call your so called friends tell them either collect their stuff by "Thursday" or you will be donating it salvos or putting in the bin.

Tell your husband how you feel, men don't get it sometimes and if he is like my husband, you need to explode before he helps most times lol. Tell me what you need help with even if it's just hanging out the clothes.

get him to take toddler out for a special dad and child day so you can a few hours to yourself! And I don't mean time to catch up on the washing or cooking.... I mean have a coffee in silence, a shower without the toddler watching, watching your favorite show with your favorite snack without sharing.

Every fortnight organise a night out or breakfast morning with you friends, find time to be you again. Remember you need to be you not "just" a mum or wife.


If you can't see step daughter on Christmas, when you do see her, have your own special Christmas Day with her, Hubsand and toddler.

Have a great Christmas, and remember your important too. Xx

1. STOP. Delegate to your partner. If he's like mine, he can handle the shopping lists if you are specific. Get your toddler to nap or watch a shrot cartoon or holiday special. Get everyone put of your hair and take a breather

2. Reassess. You've taken on too much so cut some corners. I don't wrap gifts from santa, saves hours. Toss your 5 friends' stuff. They didn't respect your place so get a big bag and get rid of all the junk.

3. Family drama - stepdaughter can't make it? Sweet we'll just add a day to our holiday celebration. I like parties. SIL being ridiculous, her loss. I'll bet you make a delish meal and have a wonderful time while she sit home with her spite keeping her company.

4. The plight of parents everywhere. No child will ever look at you and thank you directly for making their life run. Then one day they will be in your shoes and call you up overwhelmed and frustrated amd say, "I don't know how you did it all those years. Thank you and what's your secret..."

Good lucj

Apart from the smoking and change friends to FIL you could have wrote my story! Add in renovations and I'm right there with you. Didn't realise I was so bothered by it until I started getting chest pains from the stress.
Work pretty much sucks, house is a mess, toddler is a tornado, I'm not ready for Christmas and I'm hosting, step daughter christmas time issues and I feel so alone friends wise. If my family didn't need me I don't think anyone would notice if I disappeared.

And I've just got a message from my SIL saying she's not coming to Christmas because she was under the impression that it was only going to be her family and not my family (only immediate not extended)... And apparently it was rude of me not to inform her of it and we shouldn't blend the family Christmas'

 What you mean your step kids are not welcome at christmas???
helpful (0) 
OP Omg no. My step daughter will be here. The problem is that my family is coming.
helpful (0) 
 Maybe that's a blessing in disguise and can help simplify things. I think we can all get worked up trying to make a perfect day. I've found that having Christmas extend over several days or even weeks reduces the expectation, and is definitely easier on young kids. We are having at least four Christmases this year - each side of the immediate family, a blended step family Christmas, and a later Christmas in January for everyone who we haven't seen this year. Not sure if that's helpful, but it's definitely helped here to break it up and celebrate the season rather than one day. As to your SIL, I think your partner should deal with her. It's your house and you can dictate the guest list, especially when those guests are your own nearest and dearest. "Sorry you can't come, you will be missed." Is perfectly acceptable in this case. Perhaps you could include an offer to catchup with immediate family another day.

helpful (1) 
 I had the step kids question.... reply back since it's at my home i compile the guest list.... sorry you can't make it.
Than do a happy dance that their is less guests to cater for
How flipping rude if it's not even at her home

helpful (0) 

I totally hear you about being overwhelmed. We try and be helpful and polite and get more put upon for our help! I learned to say 'no' this year, and it's been liberating. Not, "no, but...." Or "no, because...", but just 'no'. It's a complete sentence. Try it on small things first, and it might grow on you :) I now relish the things I say 'yes' to so much more, because I'm not squeezing them in between things I don't actually want to be doing.

Also, think about your week and work out how you can include something just for you in there. If that's a sleep in once a fortnight, a TV show where no one interrupts you, a night where you dont cook, or even just taking five minutes after your morning shower to get dressed with the door closed. Find something to connect with 'you'. If it can't happen every day or week, then schedule it in for the future so you have something to look forward to (a weekend or even half a day where someone else has the kids and you can do something for you).

Good luck!