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Dealing with partners possible substance abuse

To start, I sorry for the long post, I’m just really needing some advice. This time last year I found out I was pregnant. My partner and I have had a rough 3 years, in and out out of our relationship, but god forbid I love him and want it to work.
My partner has been heavily on drugs (weed) for a while now. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I explained this was to stop right away. It didn’t. On about 2-3 occasions of my pregnancy when he told me he was no longer on it, I soon found out he was. This destroyed me. I feel to this day I done most of my pregnancy alone.
I had my beautiful little girl who I adore so much and we currently live with my parents and sometimes was staying with him together.
After her birth he promised me again he was off it. But my trust is so broken, I’ve tried very much to trust him again but my anxiety sky rocketed. I’ve wanted to drug test him but have been awfully afraid of the answer and argument it would cause.
He has been drinking a hell of a lot, which I tried not to cause an argument over - I thought the alcohol was a cop out. We both recently signed a lease and BOTH should of been moving in together as a family in a couple days time. But this time I had to do it for my own sanity and peace of mind and I wanted to drug test him after he had been disappearing for hours of a night with friends (whom all take a lot of drugs) which has made me very anxious - so I bought it up and NEEDED to test him before giving him the option of living with his daughter now, too.
It ended in a massive argument.
He denied to do it, because he was not “reassuring” me of anything anymore, so he puts it. After hours arguing he eventually left the room and come back with what seemed like a few drops of WATER in the cup, I didn’t bother to test - I am 80% sure that was water.
I love this man, and I want to say he loves me too. But I am so stuck. I don’t know what to do.

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Answers (8)

He sounds like a totally shady guy. I'm not sure about any other the other advice on here - umm what?! I think people don't take pot seriously.
I was with someone who smoked it was like being with someone who was schizophrenic. They were unpredictable. Do you want this along with drinking issues around your daughter? Honestly until he grows up I would squash the plans of moving in together sounds like a bad idea to me. Get you own apartment or stay with your folks, that way you still control the environment.

Omg get out of the whole mess right now, if not sooner. Think of your precious girl and what she will be witnessing in the most formative years of her life. No man is worth that. No man.

I’ve been with my pot smoking husband for 17 years now. Right from the beginning he told me he would quit and it was only a social thing. Then I moved in with him and his house mate his excuse was his housemate smoked it. I wanted to get rid of the housemate but we needed the extra rent money. Every time the conversation came up he would lie. Over the years he has gone through highs and lows he only confessed to me a few years ago that he has always been a regular user and never had intentions of quitting. I should have left then but I didn’t. Since he was honest I’m more in tune with his mood swings when he can’t get marijuana which has put less strain on our relationship.

 I think if you are going to live with him he has to be honest about it and you have to accept it.
helpful (1) 

Moron clearly have no idea of the damage it causes long term

I understand your frustrations..
Drug addiction is hard to break, my cousin has gone through this although his was alot worse (ice). Instead of going in hot headed try a different approach. Say you understand how hard it will be for him to quit, you will help him, support him, go with him to meetings etc. He needs to know he has support. And if you don't want too that's up to you, but then you need to leave.

While I can understand your pain as I just left my husband of 7 years over an oxycodone addiction which became violent and literally began swallowing everything in our house. If he is trying and doing then give him a chance. If he isn't changing and you're unhappy leave

I think you need to relax. He's wanting to be with you and your child. Don't let your fears get in the way of your life.
Trust me, I've been there. It's pot. He's not unreasonable to indulge.

Weed is a herb
Leave him alone
Smoke it and will relax you

 ^^advice coming from a junkie with terrible English....... no thanks
helpful (1) 
 Unless it sends you mad
helpful (1) 
 ^ And it eventually does. I saw a friend slowly unravel due to smoking pot for many years. The problem was that she was so brain dead she didn't even realize there was a problem. So sad
helpful (3)