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Is this financial abuse?

My husband and i have been married 6 years and have two young children. I work a couple if days a week and pay all the child care fees, which pretty much leaves me with nothing after petrol expenses etc. We dont have a joint bank account, and even though he pays the bills, i dont have access to anything. I feel like i am trapped and not really sure if this is the norm for most married couples? At least he gets a weekly wage and can do with it as he pleases, go where he wants etc. I feel i cant do any of that.


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Answers (12)

No it doesn’t sound like it at all.
It’s sounds like poor communication between you both.

You don’t mention if you’ve tried to resolve it or what you’ve done to change it.

It’s incredibly dangerous and presumptuous of this paragraph to say “yes it is”

They are many many other Messi’s art information to determine if it’s abuse.

My hubby and I were in a similar place and after a bit of back and fourth and a few arguments we split the bills according to our wage. Leaving us both with equal leftover with the person who earns more generally getting more spending cash.

 I agree, we need more info. Have you explained the situation to him and asked for spending money? My hubby and I have separate accounts. My only income is from our rental property, but depending on bills sometimes I need extra. I just tell hubby and he transfers it over, no issues. If you have discussed it with him, and he refuses to share (without a good reason), then that to me is a red flag.
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Yes it is. Its not a partnership if he can spend freely and you have to live in poverty; which it is if you cant spend any money on yourself, for makeup, clothes, coffees etc. Most people seem to have an arrangement where they have joint accounts, and can each spend freely up to a certain amount without even asking each other, anywhere between $100 and $300. Anything above that they jointly discuss it. They discuss the bills and the budgeting, even if they have separate accounts and elect to each pay certain bills.
The arrangement you describe sounds like he is controlling as far as finance goes.
Do you have a house ? If so, is it in his name or joint names ?
If you do, and its in his name, that is a very big red flag.

 We dont have a house, my car is in his name however as it’s a lease and needed to be in the same name as the bank account the money in taken from......
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 He is controlling, my ex husband was the same and wants to continue being so, even though we are divorcing in the next month or so. Doesn't want to do a financial settlement, just wants to keep controlling. Go to a lawyer, find out your rights and find out what he is doing with the money. Legally, it is both of yours.
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I find it odd you don't have a joint account. I've been married 16 years, together 23 and we had joint accounts only even before we were married (bought a block, built a house). All of our money has always gone into the one account. We pay everything (bills, spending, going out etc) on cc which gets paid off each month. We've gone from both full-time working, to me not working (babies) to me part-time working, but we are a team. I cant possibly earn the kind of money my husband does but he couldn't do that job without me holding the fort with everything else - he says this often. We are a partnership and both work hard at our jobs and at home. We trust and respect eachother and i never get questioned about anything i spend.

 This was the way I saw it too. I never understood this whole "my money, your money" thing within a marriage. You are husband and wife and therefore it is "our money", "our life" "our children" etc.
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 Note that it can be 'our money' and still have separate accounts. Hubby and I have never joined ours, partly due to laziness, but also we kind of like that it's in a couple places so can't get all stolen at once. But we happily share between us no worries, super easy these days with banking apps.
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 ^Yes, but for you, everything is still "ours" even though you have separate accounts. I was talking more of people who actually keep finances separate in terms of they don't share the money, or one controls it.
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 We have seperate money.
For the first year of becoming parents all we did was fight about money (we never fight about anything)
We ended up splitting money according to what we had coming in (I was in Centrelink so ppp and ftb was “my money”
We are individually responsible for certain bills.
Not to say that we don’t can’t say hey I’m a bit short have you got $100?
But generally speaking our money is completely separated and I couldn’t imagine any other way.
I’d feel funny buying things for myself if we combined our money.

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 ^^If having separate money helps you as a couple to not fight and make things smoother for you, that is good.
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All him to help pay the child care fees. After all they are his kids as well.

 He pays mortgage or rent

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Why don’t you have joint accounts that is so bizarre. Speak to him about merging or id leave

 Having joint accounts is bizarre to me. But then I had my own money and way more than husband so maybe that’s why.
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 I earn more than my husband too but in a marriage that doesn’t matter. It’s a partnership. So why not have joint accounts. No need for secrets
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Have you asked him for money to be transferred to you?

Have you discussed this situation with him?

Does he go and spend up on whatever he wants?

Set up Netbank and have $100 transferred from his account to yours fortnightly

 Ing direct is better
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I gave my card to my wife and she takes care of every bill shopping etc.. she gave her pink card ( got looks / stares) and puts money and keeps track. I spend on coffee, few juices and petrol that she knows what I spend she keeps some for my need and rest of our money go into savings.. we both know our finances in and out and that trust needs to be there if it’s a family..

I am in the same situation but the difference is that I have a card that is linked to hubbys bank account. I am able to use it when ever I want. Obviously I don’t go overboard. Pay for what I need.

 I dont have a card to his account at all
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My soon to be ex is the same, I pulled him up on it but he’s adamant that until I hand over my bank statements to “see” where my money goes (i get tax benefit a&b base rate as im a sahm with 4, a chronic illness and working isnt an option atm) he wont help pay for things unless he wants too and he has full financial control.
Didn’t like the idea of a joint account for expenses so i have to ask him and give full details of every cent i get from him and i have no idea what comes in or goes out from his accounts.
I believe couples need to be equally involved in money and expenses and work out away that both are equal in regards to things.
Maybe talk it over and work out a way that includes both?

 Omg you and I must have the same ex.
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My mother in laws controls the purse strings with the pension
They go to bank fortnightly and father in law gets an allowance for petrol lunch out etc

 Ridiculous...unless he has a gambling or other serious mismanagement problem, like spending it all on booze, drugs
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 Maybe he is just useless with money. My dad was. He had no idea how to pay a bill, or where to go pay it, or how many there were. It was all too confusing. So he would keep $100 cash and hand the rest of his pay over to my mum who knew how to handle money. It was both their decision that It worked best that way.
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 Not a gambler or boozer
He likes buying power tools

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 Post office dad
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Sorry darling ..
Yes, it is.and I am in a same situation . I didn't have any access to his money since 2013 and decided to seperate ... in my case there are more like emotional , psychological, verbal , financial , spiritual and dowry abuse .
Best solution make an appointment with social worker, counselor and financial counselor so you can discuss and negotiate things with your husband and work out together for a better solution before things get sour like mine...
Good luck and hugs .... 💕💕

If it wasn’t for me taking charge with money or c card we would be living under a bridge with flea infested blanket

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