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I get scared too but I reckon have a go at powering yourself up! Can you join a self-defence or martial arts class? Nothing like feeling as though you could kick some a*s and defend yourself if needs be. Will also raise your confidence at being home by yourself (with kids). Also, just a tip. I don't think I would sleep with all the lights on. Remember, you know the layout of your home, even in the dark, and the intruder doesn't. Use that to your advantage. My strategy is that I have a baseball bat and instead of standing tall ready to hit, get on your knees just inside a doorway (they won't be looking at that height) and take out the intruders kneecaps as he is walking past the doorway. Then straight in the nuts. That pretty much ends his run through your house.
I always lock the house up before dark. That is reassuring enough.
Another thing I'm conscious of is not telling all and sundry when my husband is not home. No 'Three more days till he's back!' posts on FB or mentioning it at a big social gathering. I'm deliberately vague because I don't want to advertise I'm the only adult home - I also say things like "I've got friends staying with us" or "Mum often checks in", even if it is an exaggeration of their input - I want casual acquaintances to think I'm well protected.
I also always park my car in the garage so it's not obvious to anyone passing the house if I'm home or not.
If its possible and you like them, what about getting a dog ? I have one, my partner is away for stretches of time, and I know if he is sleeping peacefully (on the floor beside my bed), that there is nothing to worry about. You can get them from RSPCA in your state, and they have always been checked for reliable temperament before rehoming.
You can get a mature dog, so you don't have to do toilet training, and sometimes they understand, or sense, that you have been the one that has given them a second chance at life, and are incredibly loyal. There have been cases of rescue dogs saving their owners from burning houses. They can become very protective of your children also. I would always have the dog as an inside dog, if you want this level of companionship and protection.
It took me 2 years as a single mum to get past this. The first 12 months was warranted fear of my ex turning up. That resolved when he went to jail.
5 years on I still get like this sometimes. When I was single I didn't even lock up some nights. I think it's the thought of having to protect your kids along with yourself if something happens.
I keep the dog inside when hubby is away, and keep my mobile near the bed in case of emergency!
I've been a FIFO wife for almost 5 years now and I've learnt to identify my triggers and avoid them. I don't watch crime shows after dark or horror movies. I also know my neighbours enough that they'll call the police if I screamed out to. I've found doing the pre-bed lock and window checks helps if I'm feeling a bit frightened. It just reassures me. I also sleep with some lights on around the house so that every room has some light in it. You get used to it over time. How long has he been doing FIFO for and how long are his swings?