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I did something really bad and now I want to kill myself

I cheated on my amazing husband and now I don't know what to do
It started off as innocent flirting but went way too far
I feel so guilty he does not deserve this..I don't deserve him


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Answers (11)

My husband not only cheated, but had a full on affair. You have a couple choices. Option1 - Never speak of it, ever, be the best wife you can be & hope he never finds out. If your husband finds out, he will believe he has been living a lie, with a person he doesn't know. Option 2 - come clean & tell your husband & accept the consequences, whatever they are. First though, see a counsellor for yourself. Get clear on why you did it & what you need to do to help your husband heal. The first few years will be hard. Rebuilding trust is a major obstacle. Even if you can reconcile, the affair will always be 'present', like the knife will always stay in his heart. Get the book, How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair' by Linda MacDonald. Find a good counsellor, you may need to visit a few to find a good one. It took us three goes, to find one, & stick with it. Coming clean because it's the right thing to do, on it's own, is not enough without proper healing & reconciliation - get help with, so you are successful. Don't end your life, it will leave even more trauma for those you leave behind. The aftermath of my husband's affair, left us both in very dark places. I'm glad neither of us followed through. Remember your vows, as shattered as they are, are for better or worse. This is your moment, to show your love & commitment, rise to the challenge of repairing the damage. It hasn't been easy, very difficult at times, but we're still trying, 2.5 years after D-Day.

 Be careful. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
helpful (2) 
 ^ i admit that plagues me ....... I'm not assuming that he is perfect, as neither am I, as in we all have flaws. I strongly believe that it was a once off. He's feels destroyed & regrets the affair, as nothing good came of it. He thought he was 'stronger' & would be able to avoid it, but realises he's not, i was a big thing for him to admit & be vunerable in our healing. It's a work in progress ......
helpful (2) 
 I hate that saying once a cheater always a cheater. It's such a blanket and says that a person is never any better than their worst mistake.

To the poster love your reply

We are 7 years on and the last year has been our best of the last 12 together. I feel like it's all finally healed. I only ever think about it if it's on topic.
And it doesn't hurt anymore.
It changed my husband.
It changed us. In good and bad ways. Him all in good ways. Myself in mostly good ways.
He's a far better man. He knows his weakness. I know his worst. I love him still. And we're a stronger unit because of what happened.

If there's love. And he's showing you he's better. And he's working as hard as you... there's light. And the end of the tunnel is fu****g amazing. I love that man warts and all.
And he loves me. And the old saying "don't know what you've got" rings true and he appreciates me like never before.
We've both healed. And he healed the culture he came from that let him do what he did.x

helpful (5) 
 Great that it's healed and back together warts and all.

Like warts though only a matter of time until they're back so hopefully once a cheater always a (more experienced) cheater does not apply.

helpful (0) 

Killing yourself would hurt your husband much more than just cheating

 Second that...
helpful (0) 
Answered by SAHM Staff

Hi OP - if you are in Australia, please please seek some help. Give Lifeline a call - it's open 24/7 with some great counsellors to talk to 13 11 14. If you aren't in Australia, please go and speak to someone you trust for support, or see your doctor. Do not deal with your feelings alone.

 good advice!
helpful (0) 

Be carefull to avoid temptation in future.

 Bet it's not the first time it's happened. You got through it last time didn't you dear.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

helpful (1) 
 To the person saying "bet it's not the first time" just want you to know I think you're a piece of filth.
helpful (6) 
 You are entitled to your opinion filth thrower however the facts are once someone has cheated they are more likely to do it again. This comes from peer reviewed study at Harvard University. Maybe this matter is a little too close to the bone for you.
helpful (1) 

You didn't commit a murder. Keep things in perspective. Of course just because you had a fling with someone else doesn't mean you have to do it again. What a load of rot. If the person you've had the fling with is unlikely to spill the beans then make sure you're free of any STI's and forget about it. Maybe talk to a doctor about it and arrange counselling. Take a deep breath and remind yourself you're a human and can make mistakes. Repeat. Just promise yourself you'll try to resist temptation and if you're feeling tempted maybe marriage counselling might help. I'm 50 and been married 28 years, trust me a long marriage has to survive all sorts of situations including this. Feeling guilty isn't going to help undo what's happened so flick it off, start afresh and forgive yourself. It's not worth feeling suicidal over.

I know this is an old post but I’ve recently ended an affair. There were a few moments afterwards I wanted to top myself. I still can’t believe what I did, for me it was like a drug an addiction, it had nothing to do with the other person.

I can understand what you feel. I've had a similar experience myself. I know that many people say it's best not to tell your spouse. I cannot fully disagree with that idea. If you were to hide it from him, you must stop all possible contact with the guy who sweet talked you into dropping your panties. Pardon me if I sound a little harsh, but I fully understand what young men want and how most young men think they will get it. On the other hand, if your husband found out, things could get much worse than they already are. You can always tell him in 5 or 10 years if you feel like you must.

You probably need to come clean wit your husband, and suffer the consequences.