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A friend was in your situation. She went to Centrelink and saved up the payments until she could move. She subtly made life difficult, cooked things he hated, didn't wash his clothes, had play dates when the footy was on. Just little things to make his life uncomfortable. She slowly sold lots of things on gumtree so she had money to move out.
If you have initiated the separation why should your husband have to be the one to leave? The children can stay in the house with him.
Not being mean but it's not fair on him to lose his wife, his children, his dog and his home all because you don't want to be with him anymore.
Seek legal advice on division of assets and don't blame him for not wanting to lose everything.
Be fair and think of the children in this instance.
Also who will be paying for the mortgage while you wait for the assets to be divided? Should he have to keep paying the mortgage and also pay rent because you don't want him in the house?
There are avenues for you to get single parenting payments so you can be self sufficient and not rely on your husband, I would certainly want to support myself if I was you.
Maybe stay with family until you can get money (job or benefit) and a house.
Same situation- he won’t leave the house, so now, after his financial fups, I have to leave the house, get a bond deposit, kiss away the opportunity of ever owning a home - single mum, pt work paying rent !
It doesn’t matter who is the person that leaves - by that point it’s over and has been for years.
My advice in this situation is both move out of home and put it on the market or rent it out and spilt the rent. Whatever u do has be fair on the children. And where the children have to live with mum in a smaller house or where they visit dad in a smaller rental. While the other parent sits in the family home sucks bloody arse for them. This isn't about you or him. It's about the kids they will be having a fair chunk of time with both of u. And the kids are most likely going to be resentful of the parent that in there eyes is coming out on top and making that other parent live in worse conditions. So I say focus on making this the best for the kids and that is both of u having to suck it up and live in small rental properties then sitting in the big family home while other parent struggles. No child will ever thank u for putting there dad out on the street. But if u are both doing it the kids are going be less resentful
I'm going through this at the moment, I have applied through the Department of Housing for a house as my husband is the only one with an income as he doesn't let me leave the house or work so I can't afford a private rental until I can get a job. I don't know if this is an option for you but there are organisations that can help you to get accommodation.
Get legal advice. I'm a family lawyer of 20 years experience. Whilst reality is you will have to sell the house in the end if you leave you probably lose some leverage on resolving this issue quickly. There are ways around this but requires strategic advice asap. Depending on your locatiOn you can not have qualify for legal aid as you are asset rich. Good lawyers volunteer at local community legal services. Start there. Also. Get counseling. It's hard emotionally on all.
Everybody is a lawyer with this kind of stuff. Everyone thinks it's easy to leave. Get some legal advice and obtain insight as to what property settlement and care arrangements could look like in your circumstances. You might feel better knowing there is options. If there is a history of family violence perhaps talk to the police/family violence liaison officer. It might be an avenue for IVO/ADVO, exclusion order. If mum is the primary carer it would be preferable for dad to vacate and arrange with the bank a repayment holiday or interest only on the mortgage. That way the kids can remain in a familiar environment until property settlement and care arrangements can be sorted. In the absence of orders you can remove the kids. It is when there is no communication as to location of the kids or offering any "spend time" arrangements providing it is safe that opens you up to urgent proceedings for recovery/parenting orders etc. be informed. Get some legal and financial advice. Talk to Centrelink, talk to the bank etc.
You can be separated under the one roof. You just need to have separate rooms and separate finances.
I am going through a separation right now and we are currently “separated but living under one roof.” The forms are about to be uploaded to Centrelink. This was a mutual agreement and we have spoken about how we are going to take care of the kids when I can save enough money for the kids and I to move out. There is still a lot to go through but I know the sooner the kids and I have our own place, the better things will become. It isn’t easy and there is so much to think of and negotiate but I keep thinking of the benefits for the children, including seeing and having a close relationship with their dad. In our situation it simply isn’t practical for me to stay as we are on a farm. I work full time and travel with the kids so we don’t have the time to upkeep the place. My ex works very long hours and won’t be able to be “primary carer” for the kids but I’ve always done that anyway. We have a toddler and a teen, and think this is going to work best. In terms of finances we always has things separate which makes it easy but we still need to sort things out. He only pays the rent, which is super cheap but I pay everything else and juggle it all on my wage which is half of what he makes a week. This obviously doesn’t work for me now as I have no way to move, this is another crappy thing I have to deal with but I have to do it and ask him to go halves with me in everything to enable me to save cash and have the means to move. He has offered to pay the. One and help us move which is great as neither have family around to help. I will take all of the boys belongings and my own personal things however I don’t think I will be taking anything else even though everyone reckons I’m entitled to more. We didn’t purchase anything together- he did all of the big purchases and I did the small things that aren’t really important. It will be a little rough for a bit but I will make sure the kids have their familiar things and they will have everything they need. I can make do with a mattress on the floor for a bit!
Sorry but long story short, you can make a home anywhere. The kids will be fine as long as you both are doing everything you can to work together for the kids, so visitations etc are agreed upon and stuck to.
It’s never going to be easy though but you have to get the ball rolling somehow or things will never change and your kids are going to suffer hugely from an unhappy and toxic home in the end. Best of luck.
You need to advise centrelink that you have separated so you start receiving your own benefits. You need to speak to a solicitor to start the process of dividing your assets as if you don't, you will be responsible for the mortgage as well as your rent.
It is two years later, I wonder how you went?
I am also appalled at how many commenters decided to get angry with you and shout 'selfish!' 'want it all your own way!', 'YOU leave' etc etc. It is the family home. Of course neither person wants to leave. But if the wife has been doing everything and keeping the ship afloat alone, and the husband doing nothing exept worrying her, then why should she be forced to be the one to leave the place of safety they have known for ages.
Of course I don't know everything and there are two sides to every story, but still.
What a nightmare. He has Aspergers no doubt. My useless, unemployed husband will not leave either. I pay the mortgage, all the bills and do all the child care. He is a second rate father and never puts them first. I am so frustrated, there are no words. My kids want him to leave but he doesn’t care. He is a lunatic. He just sits on his arse in front of the computer all day everyday while I do everything and he spends all my money. Gold digging scumbag. I cannot wait to be rid of the loser. You have all my sympathy and nobody understands unless you have lived it.
Sometimes it's the other person who needs to leave and you can't get rid of them! Some people are leeches
So why should he be the one to move? Obviously he would be paying the mortgage if you are not working. I don't always get when people expect the man to leave in today's world where alot of men care for the kids just as much as women. If you want the separation, you should be the one to leave. It's doable.
It's only a house, people say. It is also an asset, though, too. If it is in a decent area it is something that will appreciate and set you up long term, provided it is manageable for one to pay off. My Mum fought for the family home years ago and it's a good thing she did (even though my dad left her with the mortgage..he took everything off her, she got nothing), it ended up putting her in a better financial position today as she managed to pay off the house completely on her own.
Could you try counselling, maybe he doesn't 'hear' that you are serious about a separation. A counsellor could mediate the separation, help with the issues that need dealing with in the marriage, even resolving issues & help you reconnect. If a reconciliation isn't on the cards, they could help facilitate a smoothish divorce.