Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Did you practice control crying?


Got an Answer?

Answers (18)

The trolls writing nasty responses simply have no idea what controlled crying is. You are not abandoning your child by walking away and letting them cry themselves to sleep alone. There is a more caring technique involved where you are right there until they're asleep. Please get your facts right before insulting desperate parents

 ^^this 👍
helpful (2) 
 Babies need love and physical contact
Nappy changed

helpful (0) 
 They’re fed and in a clean nappy before they’re put down to bed you idiot.
helpful (5) 

I did it with my first. It was a long time ago and we didn't know a whole lot about it. He just did not sleep. My gp sent me off to sleep centre for a week when bubs was 5 months old. Here they practice controlled crying. It was so hard. All I wanted to do was hold my crying baby. We came home a week later and he was sleeping from 7pm to 7am with a 2-3 nap through the day. I can honestly say it hurt me more than it hurt him. My son is 25 and is a happy well adjusted young man, studying to be a surgeon. I don't think it does long term damage. He's my proof. Good luck to all x

 Same here. My doctor said a baby is programmed to enslave the parents to their needs, so you have to set some boundaries and ensure your own needs are met too, and not to feel guilty. As long as you know they are not wet, got a poop filled nappy, or hungry, they will go to sleep.
helpful (3) 

No, I try hard not to judge too much (but let’s face it we all do) for me it’s a little fu***d up.
BUT I also think it’s just conditioning and been made to be ok so I don’t think badly of a mum who does it, but the act itself I find just I hate it, makes me sad.
I got to the point of desperation and tried it, and it’s one of the only regrets I have as a parent.

 It's hard I know. When you have a child who won't sleep, you will try anything. Thankyou for not judging others for doing so ❤️
helpful (4) 

I’ll elaborate a bit ...I regret it terribly. I saw an immediate change in my daughter, she went from being an otherwise happy (non sleeping) baby, to I couldn’t even turn my back on her without her screaming. She had huge separation issues afterwards until it eased around 5.5/6 years old and not completely till 10/11. I literally watch anxiety be birthed in her after we tried it.
Over the years iv gone against what many have told me to “fix” her but all she ever needed was time, she always got there in her own time and pushing anything on her made it worse for everyone involved. Sometimes she got there years before her peers, other times years behind. She’s never been alone to be in “average range” for any milestone or skill.

For me, it was one of, if not my biggest regret to this day, though I’m grateful as it was a learning tool to listen to my gut not others voices.

 This is something id take into account, but also remember that millions of people have done controlled crying and it has worked for them and their babies have been fine.
helpful (0) 
 I second this, while I didn’t see the anxiety creep in instantly at the time, a year on and we had a child that didn’t sleep and is so worried about being left alone. We can’t leave the room or do anything without having the kid attached to our leg. It broke me as a parent cos I tried twice. It still breaks me to this day, and while it’s not necessarily that that has caused my child anxiety I can’t help but blame myself. I too wish I had of listened to my gut. I co slept with my second Child and second child seems less anxious and more assertive.
helpful (0) 
 Funny enough (I’m op of comment) my 2,3 and 4th child all don’t have the same anxiety. While
I acknowledge they we raised a bit different and come from different dads so. Half the genetic makeup is different. But I still see the damage I did there
With my others my second was angel baby who slept the night he was born
3rd at 2 months
4th at 4 months.
I saw the difference... and I patented different, Allen the last three never once cried for me. Theirnneeds (including not wanting to be alone) were always met immediately , that being said all of those babies would have responded very well to letting them cry!!!! Just like they dealt with kindy so much bettter.

In a child prone to anxiety, I think CIO is absolutely cruel to those kids. And that being said why take the chance your kid is that (for ME) 1/4

helpful (2) 

I couldnt do it but equally I don't judge people that do. If somebody is so sleep deprived they are in physical danger then they need to do what they need to do.

No I never did it with any of my 4 kids and I never would. I'm there to respond to my babies needs day AND night. I don't believe a baby's need for comfort and reassurance is any less valid at night time than it is during the day, and their emotional needs are just as important as their physical ones.
I could never leave my baby to cry when its my job as a parent to comfort them.
For a baby, crying is their only means of communication. I don't ignore my older kids when they talk to me so I don't believe it's ok to ignore a baby when they are crying just because they can't talk yet and can't verbalize that they are scared/ upset/ want a cuddle.

 F-ing Amen!! Thank you for verbalising my thoughts! 😊
helpful (1) 
 That's all very well up to a point, but not everyone is the same. Many women can cope fine with disrupted sleep for years on end, but some can't, and telling them to just try harder is like telling a penguin just try harder to fly. Self care is a part of caring for your child. If you're well rested and happy you're thinking clearly, dealing with problems calmly, able to laugh and have fun with your kids, and generally making better choices all during the day. Whereas a mum on the brink of a breakdown from exhaustion is going to be going through the motions like a zombie, emotionally fragile and unavailable, probably not really safe to be driving kids on the roads even. It's like putting on your own gas mask first in an airplane crash. And there are often better outcomes for the child too, as they end up getting more sleep as well.
helpful (4) 

Yes and I will fight anyone who says it's damaging.

 From what age ?
helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 
 No, I meant verbally argue.
I did controlled crying at about eight months.

helpful (1) 

I used controlled crying with my first, and while I feel guilty about it sometimes, I don't regret my decision.
I was quite naive going into parenting and really didn't have a plan for how to put baby to bed.
At 5 months, he was still waking up every hour overnight for breastfeeds. Combine this with a traumatic birth, feeding issues and I was having suicidal thoughts daily.
One evening of controlled crying and bub went from waking up 10 times a night, to once a night.
He started having decent naps during the day and I felt like a massive weight had been taken off my shoulders.
My MIL still tries to make me feel incredibly guilty about it, but for me it was either controlled crying or leaving my bub forever.
Didn't use controlled crying with my other 3 children, but the circumstance with them were very different.

 So glad you’re still here 😊. You know best, ignore the MIL .
helpful (4) 
 Thank you for your kind response
helpful (2) 

No I practised putting them in to bed with me and putting a boob in their mouth. Both kids were and still are great sleepers and both had figured out latching themselves from an early age if they woke up. Transitioning in to their own beds was easy. I let them sleep with me for a while after I weaned them but made sure to wear shirts where they couldn't latch themselves in the middle of the night. Then we moved to their beds and I would lay with them until they fell asleep. Both in their own beds and sleeping right through at 18 months old. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it worked for me and my kids

 So, I tried something similar with my now 13 year old, and it completely did not work and resulted in him not being able to self settle or sleep thru the night without me next to him until he was about 6! He would just scream and cry until I lay next to him! It was an exhausting few years 😂
helpful (0) 
 I did similar, coslept and just left my feeding singlet open and bub would attach whenever. Everyone had a good night's sleep.
helpful (1) 
 ^"tit"? Really? Yourr criticism of this commenter is disturbing.
helpful (1) 
 Yeahhh boobs are for babies anyway, youre the one making it weird
helpful (1) 
 I would obviously wake up when they were trying to latch and help them, but it's much less work than having to get up to the baby, waking yourself up in the process and spending ages trying to get back to sleep. Wake up half way, help baby latch, go back to sleep. Was way easier. And my ex used to sleep in the bed of the woman he was having an affair with when he was meant to be staying with his parents, so that wasn't a problem. My now husband (who I was pregnant with baby number 2 when we got together) didn't worry him at all, he used to sleep in the bed with us, one arm over me and he would hold bubs hand. Because he's not a sexist pig who thinks that breasts are there solely for his pleasure. Although he is still a male so yes, he did used to enjoy the view 😂. It wasn't completely topless, I'd get those maternity singlets and just have one side open through the night.
helpful (0) 

I did for my two and it worked brilliantly. My daughter took only 2 days for her to start sleeping as soon as I put her down ( I’m talking day sleeps here, she slept thru the night from ten weeks) . My son took a week. I NEVER let them get to the point of distress. You have to do it properly. You have to know your babies’ cries. And never let them get to the point of screaming or distress.

 Oh and I’ll add, my sister went on holiday for a week and I looked after her 6 month old. My sister was a wreck from not sleeping. By the time she picked her daughter up she was sleeping thru the night and having a good 3 hour day sleep, settling as soon as she was laid down. My sister couldn’t thank me enough.
helpful (1) 
 Yes!!! I think that people hear the term controlled crying and assume that you are walking away and letting your baby cry for hours at a time...which is not the case. I did controlled crying with both of my kids, they are now teens and show no signs of trauma/ anxiety and it hasn't impacted on my bond or relationship with them. I think it is important to do what works for you and your family!
helpful (3) 

Some of you have no idea what controlled crying is. Read up about exactly how it’s done. You don’t just walk away from a screaming baby. It’s not cruel.

I don't think there's a wrong or right way to get your child to sleep. Do whatever works for you and if nothing works, maybe talk to your gp. We all know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture

I tried but it didn't work. My son is 8 now and has no dramas sleeping. All kids aren't the same. What works for one, doesn't work for another.

The advice I was given was to put them down and walk away - turn the music up or something so you don't hear it. Sounds terrible but bub needs to rest and we can't ALWAYS be there. It's fairly common practice at day care centers so just lump it

 I know quite a few people who work in daycare and none of them do that.

helpful (0) 
 So do I, and they do. They're just not telling you. If you have kids at daycare yourself they might not want to admit it to you cos they don't want you to freak. Some centres might not but I definitely hear about a lot that do.
helpful (0)