Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

What too do?? My ex is a very controlling, abusive (both physical and emotional/mentally) and manipulative man. My 7yr old now has contact with his dad after a few years of no contact at all. We just got into a good place and things have gone pear shaped. My once happy, well behaved boy has now become rude, naughty, disrespectful and showing that he is taking on his dad's controlling/manipulative ways. Im at my wits ends trying to teach him right from wrong and that we dont always have to get our way and things that are fair/unfair but its not working. Its now having a severe impact on me my partner and my other children. Hes seeing a psychologist but its not doing much 😔 Im not sure what else i can do

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (4)

I think the best thing you can do is teach him empathy. People who abuse/bully others lack empathy. Books, sad kid movies, even sad news stories, explain them to him, get him to imagine himself going through that and ask how it makes him feel. Get him some little pets so he can learn love and loss. This plus the psych, lots of love and reassurance and steady discipline when he needs it.

 This is a really good answer.
helpful (0) 
 Thank you, we are trying but it doesn't seem to be helping or only helping for a little bit and then as soon as hes seen his dad its back to square one
helpful (0) 

Do you have evidence of the abuse? When my brother became more like our father, I got put some old pictures and showed him the future of himself. There my mom and I were with matching broken noses. She had stitches on her face and I had a broken wrist and a bald spot where handfuls of my hair had been ripped out. She was sporting a baby bump that would grow to be him. My little sister is next to me, hiding be hind me a little. She looks worse than any of us because she is covered in my blood. It's matted in her hair and her white dress is stiff and brown woth it. Her eyes are pure terror. I was on top.of her protecting her, so I know she was unharmed, but all that blood... We are on the curb outside the hospital with 2 police men, being hearded off to a new life in secret, because they are afraI'd the next time they show up, we won need a hospital. It was 11 years before he found us and got visitation rights to my little bro. When, he was 13 he took a swing at our mom and he needed to see the truth.

 Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry for your pain and hurt xx
helpful (0) 
 It's just part of my journey. I hope it helps you and your family work through your struggle. You aren't alone. There are special councilors for boys who grow up watching their dads abuse. Your local DV shelter may have some info. Good for you for walking away and doing everything on your power to help your boy break the cycle.
helpful (1) 

Can you talk to him about it? It could be that he is finding the situation stressful and acting out because of if rather than learning from his dad.

Here's what you should do.... Use the more info box!

 What info would you like? I was in an abusive relationship, had a child and decided that my lige would be better/safer if i got away from this man. For a year he could continue to expect to be let into my home and see our child, hit me or yell and scream at me if I didn't or if i didnt do what he wanted. So after a year i found the love of my life and decided that my happiness and that of my son was more important than my son seeing his abusive father so i moved hundreds of kilometres away and cut contact with the ex. Fast forward to 2014 and the ex sought court orders demanding to see my son. He has access now and i dont know how to break a cycle of abuse and control which he is learning from his dad.

I do not want my son to turn out like his father and think that that is how life is.
My partner (soon to be husband) is a great role model but my ex has decided to tell my son not to listen to him or take his advice as he isnt his real dad

helpful (0) 
 **life not lige
helpful (0) 
 Oh dear I think op of this reply meant use the more info box to ask the question to begin with.
helpful (1)