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Do I support my step daughter, or but out?

My 14 year old step daughter has horrible painful periods. Her GP suggested Implanon so she doesn't have to deal with it. Her mum has said no she is too young. I don't think it's up to her mum and was going to quietly say what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I don't know if I should. Help!??

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Answers (16)

I feel so sorry for this girl. I would recommend getting a second doctor's opinion, perhaps after the second doctor also recommends using contraception to manage it, the mother will listen. But regardless I would say that a 14 year old is capable of making an informed decision about this. Period pain can be absolutely debilitating! What if she finds out in five years that it's endometriosis? And that it could have been managed with birth control all along?
As for those talking about side effects of birth control, what about the side effects of strong pain killers? Like addiction, sleepiness and how easy they are to overdose on?
My womb is cramping in sympathy for this child (or maybe it's early labour). You need to be her advocate… it seems like her mother is the type to recommend to people with HG that they try ginger. I obviously wouldn't go behind her back but it seems like you have more sympathy or experience with very painful periods

 everything thats written here is spot on.
helpful (0) 
 I had bad period pain so I understand, that's why I won't let this go on. Hopefully the gyny can work out why the pain is so bad, the medication makes her a bit drousy, she is miserable and this goes on every month. I don't want to go behind her mums back but I will if she is won't get this sorted.
helpful (0) 

Imagine if you posted as the mother and step mum had taken your daughter to do this procedure against your wishes. We would all be on a witch hunt

OP I wasn't going to say yes you can ignore your mum, I just don't think it's up to her mum. But yes you are right I need to mind my own business.
helpful (1) 

I cant believe all these people who would just let a 14 year old suffer. I REALLY suffered at that age with painful periods. Missed a lot of school too.

 The point is, this isn’t OPs decision to make, its this girl’s Mother. Going behind her back and getting it done on the sly is definitely not the answer. Neither is letting them poor thing suffer with painful periods.
helpful (3) 
 Its actually not the girls mother. Its the girls decision. Coz you know- its her body??? Mum can do whatever the f**k she wants with her own body but she doesnt own her daughter.

And if by some chance it was a parents decision; dad can say yes as quickly as mum says nope.

If this was dad refusing to help his daughter that suffers from period pain imagine the uproar!

helpful (4) 
 ^ wrong. She’s 14. She can’t make her own decisions about her body until she is 15. As for the father having a say, it depends on custody arrangements etc.
helpful (2) 
 Not sure where youre getting your information from but teenagers have a voice in medical decisions amd doctors can treat 14yr olds with patient confidentiality and not tell mum anything. If this 14yr old was pregnant and chose an abortion- her mother's opinion really wouldnt matter; its up to the patient. Just like her mother cant force her to have an abortion if she wanted to keep the baby.
helpful (0) 
 ^ Information on the legal rights of a person under the age of 18. http://youthlegalserviceinc.com.au/fact-sheets/what-age-can-i-consent-to-my-own-medical-treatment/
helpful (2) 
 I have to agree. Or sucks but step mum can't be doing stuff like that, it crosses an ethical line there. Besides personally having got an implanon after my first and having it removed no long after I would never recommend it to anyone. It made me souncredibly moody that I was even having dreams where I was psychotic at everyone because they were annoying me. I've never felt so angry in my life, how could you make that decision for her. I understand the frustration but this is not your call. Complain at the mums parenting choice, but don't go behind back on such things!
helpful (0) 

That does suck. Is she open to letting her go on the pill or mini pill? I have never had painful periods but my daughter has and I swear she is crazy without the pill. She has ruined relationships and lost work from shocking mood swings and just wanting to be in bed all day, and had to repeat year 10 because she fell behind.
Mum has to weigh up the consequences of controlled and uncontrolled hormones. For us, out of whack uncontrolled hormones are life ruining. What are the care arrangements of step daughter? How often is she with mum compared to Dad? If Dad has majority of care I would let Dad make the choice. Easy to make decisions when you're parenting from a distance.

It is up to her mum

 I really think it is up to the teenage girl! Its her body, its her decision. The doctor would not force the girl to have it if mum said she has too, and the doctor wont deny the girl if mum says no. The doctor will treat the patient the best way they know how too which may require afew methods to get it right. But this has absolutely nothing to do with mum!
helpful (5) 
 It doesn’t matter what you think. She is 14 and legally unable to make any medical decisions herself without parental consent.
helpful (1) 
 That’s hilarious that you think the doctor will not deny the girl if the parent says no. You clearly have no education on the subject you are sprouting about 😂
helpful (0) 
 Ok Hun, let's take your advice and apply it to your kids. I can believe you are sprouting to go against the mothers wishes, by literally ignoring her input. Let's take your child off to the drs because she wants something which you disapprove of
helpful (0) 
 Actually at 14 she is entitled to make her own medical decisions legally
helpful (0) 
 ^ no she isn’t. As has already been stated it depends on the situation and the doctors opinion on whether or not she is capable of making decisions for herself or not.
helpful (0) 
 Sometimes one parents preference doesn't matter, what is important is getting help for a child in pain. Fortunately there is someone willing to put the girls needs first.
helpful (1) 
 I do not see how going behind mothers back benefits the child at all.
helpful (0) 
 It does if mum refuses to do anything.
helpful (1) 
 Yeah cos going behind her back not create a massive shitstorm that will have a negative impact on SD. You don’t do nothing, but going behind mothers back is the absolute worst idea for everyone.
helpful (2) 
 It really doesn't matter how the mum feels.
helpful (1) 
 Well, it does. Because how she feels might have a negative, detrimental impact on SD.
helpful (1) 
 Whoo I can reply. Which is why I thought it was best not to tell her. It's not fair that the poor kid be in agony because her mother doesn't think contraception is appropriate. I got her a referral yesterday to a gynaecologist, hopefully they will have a solution. The gp we saw yesterday did say some form of contraception may work. Will see how it goes.
helpful (0) 
 It isn’t fair I agree, but shouldn’t her mother be aware of any medication (and implanon includes medication) her underage daughter is taking? What if she needs to take her daughter to the doctor for something else and daughter is to afraid to say she has the implanon or any other hormonal contraceptive and doctor prescribes something that is contraindicated?
helpful (1) 
 Which is definitely something we will discuss with the gynaecologist.
helpful (0) 
 ^ which is kind of pointless if you don’t tell mum what is happening.
helpful (0) 
 I must ask, it the girl better off living with you?
helpful (0) 
 Again let’s turn this post around as op being the mum not step mum. Imagine the witch hunt if we had a mother on here upset because her 14 year old daughters step mum intervened on medical decisions and than step mum was suggesting the daughter live with her because of the mothers views on contraception !

helpful (0) 
 The mum is a bit clueless, was great with kids when they were little but isn't so great with teens. My step daughter knows she can move in with us if she wants to.
helpful (0) 

It's interesting how many feel the mum having control over the situation, it more important than the welfare of a child.

 I think we all have different ideas on what's best for the child. Regardless of whether mum or stepmum agree. I disagree with the Implanon, due to both my personal experience with it, and first hand experience of how it affects certain autoimmune diseases. The OP said there's no medical conditions, but a lot of them aren't tested for until something catastrophic happens. And if the mother or any female relative has a medical reason to not use certain types of medicine, there's a chance that the little girl here has it too. So how could OP know the family history of the mother?

Besides, there are other methods available to help with period pain. I think the GP recommending only one is unprofessional and lazy. I don't see why all the adults and the teen can't sit down and talk with each other about the best solution for this child.

helpful (0) 
 On the other question it says the mum doesn't like the idea of birth control, and her step mum is going to take her to a gynaecologist to get another opinion. It sounds sensible to me.
helpful (2) 
 You make it seem so black and white. So let’s sqy the OP goes and gets the implanon for SD without mother’s knowledge. Do you not think this is something she should know? If it was your child, wouldn’t you want to know ? Or, more to the point something you SHOULD KNOW? It would not be of any benefit to the child if this was done on the sly. Think about the repercussions for everyone’s involved. It’s the most stupidest idea ever.
helpful (0) 
 Op said she plans to get the information and hand all decision making over to mum, and only if nothing is done would she take over. I don't think that's unreasonable but only if the mum does nothing about it, if mum does try to sort it then step mum needs to just leave it alone.
helpful (0) 
 ^ I hope that is true. Because that would be perfectly acceptable. Her OP said ‘what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her’, which says to me, going behind mother’s back and taking matters into her own hands.
helpful (1) 

Sometimes step parents and dad's need to step in and make decisions for kids when mum isn't doing the right thing. Im sure mum will overrule dad on occasions when he has something wrong. It's not about mum getting her way because she is mum, it's about what is best for the child. I think you should take her to a different dr and get another opinion. My step daughters mum really wanted her to get her legs waxed instead of her shaving, but then rarely took her to get waxed as it's expensive. She threatened her daughter with having to pay back all the money she had spent on waxing if she ever shaved her legs. The girl always had to wear pants,she gave up netball as she couldn't wear pants. In end I bought her a razor and said it's ok just shave your legs and tell your mum I took you for a leg wax. Just because she gave birth to her, it doesn't give her the right to make stupid decisions.

 Imagine if the mother found out you went behind her back and took SD to a different doctor. Please do not do this, no matter how justified you think you are.
helpful (0) 
 If her mum does nothing, then it's ok to step in. I would talk to her mum first but if she isn't doing the right thing by her daughter then you should just take over. It's not about mum.
helpful (2) 
 No, you shouln t ‘take over’. What you do, is talk to your husband. And let him handle it.
helpful (1) 

There are lots of other things that you can try. Evening primrose oil or essential oils. Good on you for being a caring step mum x

 Yeah, OPs stepdaughter needs something that actually works? Not voodoo
helpful (5) 

I don't think you should. Maybe the mother has other plans. You're hearts in the right place, but in this instance, I think you should keep out. Besides, not everyone can have implanon or any hormonal contraception. There are medical conditions that hormonal contraceptives can really f**k up. Like, people die. Just let the girl and her mum sort this out.

OP Thanks. There are no conditions, and it was the gp that suggested it. Mums plans are just strong pain killers. I just feel a bit like what age can you make these decisions for yourself. It's so hard to but out of these things.
helpful (0) 
 She is 14 definitely not old enough to make her own medical decisions. A doctor would not do it without a parent with her
helpful (1) 

Stay out of it!
The implanon has a few nasty side effects. I lost hair and became quite agitated. I know a few others that had the same.
My sisters ivf doctor told her that contraception while young can become a felitity problem later.

OP I don't know about any of that. It was a GP that suggested it.
helpful (0) 
 Just because a gp suggests something doesn’t mean there won’t be side effects. It’s a case of try and see with anything they offer
helpful (1) 
 Why wouldnt she try the pill first? Its much easier to stop if it doesnt agree with her than implanon which needs to be taken out by a medical professional.
helpful (1) 
 Exactly. How can you not research this and think that you can make such a call! Shocking, I've had one and it was hell and I removed it.
helpful (1) 
 Not a very good gp to go straight to implanon straight up.
helpful (1) 

I posted this on the other question thought I would post it here too, she can make her own decisions it's up to the doctor.

There is no set age from which you can consent to medical treatment. You are able to consent to medical treatment, without your parents’ or guardian’s consent if your doctor decides you are capable of understanding the nature and risks of the treatment, including any alternative treatments and the consequences of not receiving medical treatment. To decide this, a doctor may consider:
o your age, attitude and maturity;
o your level of intelligence and education;
o your independence (whether you live at home with a parent or carer, or support yourself);
o how serious the treatment is;
o whether you understand the treatment and risks (for example, side effects and complications); and
o your ability to appreciate the wider consequences of the treatment (for example, effects on your family and any long-term emotional impact).

Generally, doctors will consider that if you are:
o aged between 16 and 18, you are most likely able to consent;
o aged between 14 and 16, you are reasonably likely to be able to consent; or
o under the age of 14, you may not have the capacity to consent, except for treatment that does not carry significant risk.

I had really painful periods and ovulation that had me doubled up in agony for 20 minutes each month as a teenager.
The only pain medication that helped was Naprogesic.
But I had to take it the moment I felt the discomfort start.
It did not fix the problem totally, but it reduced the pain. No other type of pain medication helped at all.

I had the same when I was younger, I was prescribed strong painkillers for the period cramps which worked fine. The contraceptive pill took the pain away completely but the painkillers also did the trick.

 Both the pill and painkillers can have bad side effects Unfortunately its getting harder and harder for women to get hold of painkillers and make these decisions for themselves.
helpful (0) 

I used the Nuva Ring for horrible periods and to control oviarian cysts at that age. Her mother needs ti know of any medications or procedures, but perhaps seeing a gynae and having a frank discission regarding her symptoms with her mom and dad with your and the dr's support could help her mum understand.