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Husband talking to other women on dating sites etc

I know I have experienced this with mine in the first few years together and I know of my brothers and brother in laws being guilty of it. Wondering if many other women have found their SO chatting to other women via txt/ online? And why do you think they do it? Did you stay with them?
I know mine never followed through physically as the ladies lived 100s of Kms away.

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Answers (10)

You know, like all you ladies here. I thought the same, "if my husband ever cheated on me, I'd kill him".
But a few months ago this happened to me, and yes I just happen to be pregnant with our third child and yes this isn't the first time I've found evidence but the first time I have found actual messages, he was lazy and forgot to delete them.
I probably still am angry because I can't love my husband in a way that I used too, and I hate him for that. I had such respect and admiration for that man, and it's not the fact that he doesn't get love or affection at home. It's the fact that despite appearances he's a closet arsehole!
My brother in law does it all the time and my husband always tells me stories of it, but now I'm wondering if it was actually him.
We're at a stage where we are working on our relationship, but if I'm honest with myself, I can't keep doing this. I'm now suffering depression and can't handle this anymore. It tears me up, that I can't trust him and that I only know how much he begrudgingly wanted to tell me.
For many men it's the thrill of the chase, my husband said that he knew it was wrong when he was doing it and "felt disgusted in himself after", but he kept going back for more.
I don't blame the other people because my husband should've been the one who knew better. Technology makes this all too easy and assessable today, that's why it's so rife.

I was chatting to a bloke 700 km away. I HAD NO IDEA he had a wife, i thought they were seperated. They have two kids which i knew about. His 3 yr old spoke to me on the phone a few times! I chatted to him for a few months, inbox/ text & phonecalls.
He booked an apartment half hour from him in the beach for me to go visit. Only reason i did not go was one of my kids became ill.
His wife inboxed me a month or two later calling me a homewrecker. She found messages & was livid ( as was i) turns out she worked most evenings at the local RSL.

I sent her snapshots of conversations. Especially the ones planning meeting up, reasons it was cancelled etc. Told her exactly how it was. Told her if she wanted to blame me & stay with him she was an idiot. I was not sorry she was upset ( that was his issue not mine) i was angry i fell for his lies!!!
Reason i am telling you this is just because he has not followed through may not be for lack of trying! Or maybe he has & has deleted messages & covered his tracks.
To me this is cheating. Its an emotional relationship. I would rather my man have a one night stand than months of making a connection.

 What a jerk thing to do. I am glad you found out before you met him and glad you got to tell her your side of the story. Whether she stays or not is her issue.
And i agree. This is cheating.

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I found out a few months ago that my husband had been talking to a few girls on the Internet. He was even having wanks with them. It was going on for more then 6 months and while I was pregnant. I was gutted. I didn't see it coming it was so not like him. I don't completely understand why he did it and I don't think I will ever 100% get all the answers but I made the decision to go to marriage counselling and to try and work through it. I always said right from the beginning that if he ever cheated that was it. He would be out. But I just couldn't do it because I knew that if I was to walk away I wanted to be able to hold my head up and know I did everything I could to make it work and have no regrets or 'what ifs?' I don't know if we will get through this but I'm still going to try. Not for him or for the kids but for myself. The love I have for him has changed but I still love him.

 This is kind of where I am at at the moment. Similar situation, except I have no idea how far he has gone. I actually found out as a single friend of mine came across his profile. I really admire your way of thinking and dealing with the situation. I wish all the best for you and your family.
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I guess you have to ask why? Talk to him, it may be something as simple as that he feels you don't listen to him, or make him feel 'interesting' or exciting...we are all guilty of being busy and not giving our partners enough attention.

 He needs to grow up. Zero excuse for cheating and getting your needs met by another woman. I would snap my husbands fu****g legs off and leave him on the side of the road if i caught him doing this and tried to blame me for his "feelings" and unmet needs. If the bastard can ask you to cook something specific for dinner, he can ask for other things too. What a cop out.
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 Wouldn't you want to know why though? Surely you would want all the information so that you could make an informed decision? I was in no way excusing his actions, believe me. I just think that a marriage is worth working on, until it isn't.
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 For some people, once the trust is broken then it isn't worth working on. For many, it's a deal breaker, and the reasons why are just a bunch of excuses and completely irrelevant. Is there ever a good reason for cheating? In my opinion, no.
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 No i wouldnt want to know why. I am also speaking from experience. It is a complete dealbreaker for me. What exact answer would make it ok? Its premeditated, its manipulative and its emotional abuse. You deserve more.
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 Sorry to blame yourself for his infidelity is exacty what he wants. He can continue doing what he's doing plus more. No one forced him into cheating. He made a choice. He waited until you couldnt catch him. You are not to blame. Hes a big boy
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 Want to know why he wanted to choose other random women over the one he claims to love forever? I would not want to hear his weak a*s, victim blaming excuses either!
If he felt unloved before, he should have said something before making a decision to hurt me intentionally

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My ex did. Yes I left him.
We were together 8 years and had two kids. Turned out he was on the Internet and that text message chat (back in the day).
I stayed with him for much longer than I should have because I thought that was the right thing to do.
I only left him because in the end every time I looked at him I wanted to punch him in the face. Figured that wasn't great.
I was so hurt. He ignored me and our kids in favour of random woman for so long.
I can only say I was young and naïve.
Don't know why he did it as he never admitted to it but i found the evidence and called the women.
Can only assume he's a dick. He's cheated on every woman he's been with since.
I'm now with an amazing man who only wants me. I'm beyond a much happier person for not having him in my life xx

 Let me explain something to you. We lived together 31/2 years before getting married. I found out later ( after marriage ) that he cheated on me during those 3 1/2 years. Now married 35 years and have learned he's been cheating. He's heavy unto porn. People are helping him hid money overseas. I've been loyal and faithful. Always worked. Totally loved him. Now almost 40 years later I'll have to restart my life and he'll walk into court and say his small salary is all he has. Such a liar. To think I loved him. DO NOT BE LIKE ME. DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. I'M GOING TO LOSE EVERYTHING AND HAVE TO START AGAIN. My heart is broken. Is that where you want to be. Too old and broke so no one will want you. Don't let him waste you life!!!!
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There are no excuses for this behaviour. What an inadequate man. I wouldn't even show him the time of day and this has happened to me before. He has the issues not you so don't blame yourself

 Agreed
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Feeling neglected or unloved is no excuse for accessing these kind of sites and texting other women. It might be the reason, but that definitely does not make it ok. That is cheating in my book. If they are feeling like something is missing in the relationship (and to look elsewhere for some attention then something clearly is missing) then they need to talk to you BEFORE they go cheat. its about communicating and letting the other know how you're feeling. Not expecting your partner to assume they know what you're feeling.

Unacceptable. Thinking about cheating is cheating. Chatting about cheating is cheating.

 Thinking about cheating is NOT cheating. I've been there. Very close to wanting to cheat but I explained my feelings to hubby and we are much better for it.
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Found out my husband cheated many years ago. When I was really sick and a miserable angry grumpy person. I wasn't easy to live with. And neither was he. He was awful. Just awful.
It was like the love turned off. He was dead inside. It was the hardest time of my life and I was so alone. So scared to leave them all motherless but worse scared to leave them motherless with a father like him. He was cold to us all.
Then I nearly did die and it seemed to kick him into gear again plus he went on depression meds. I got better right after that. And so did he. It was like a complete change
He became my wonderful husband again and we had 2 years of bliss.
I found out 2 years after that he had cheated on me. He reckons he walked out from doing it and had overwhelming guilt. I nearly died a week after that.
He reckons he was terribly depressed as an excuse.
I did stay. Why? Because I'm stupid. Because my love makes me vulnerable. Because I'm selfish and I want him to myself. Because he scammed me by being a great husband before I found out.
Do I wish I'd left. Yes. I wish more than anything that I didn't stay. I wish I didn't love him so much.
If I gave advice to anyone I'd say leave. If you were to compound every nights emotion spent crying into your pillow into one day id kill myself. There is always more tears around the corner. The sheer pain of discovering my perfect husband had chosen to hurt me is more than I could bare. Because I really did love him.
He may have stopped. I may have my wonderful husband chasing me again but I will never be the same.
The love that once lifted me up and made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world now brings me pain when I think of it. Overwhelming loss. Every Facebook memory that pops up is a dig. I can no longer look in the mirror and see me. I see every flaw.
When I hug him with my fake smile it feels as though it will be my last.
I could have saved myself from this if I'd not been a miserable [email protected]# or if I'd just left him.
Maybe one day I will be ok.
Maybe it was just all too much.
I don't like this new world he created for me.

I caught mine years. Except he did follow through.
I never really got over it. I put the happy face on and I pretend everything is ok but it's really not.
When I used to look at him it was our love that sustained me, it was a shining bright light in my life that made me feel as though I was on top of the world, I adored him like no other. I would have followed that man into hell.
Now when I look at him the love that once lifted me up breaks me. It hurts. There is a deep longing. A feeling as though I lost something so wonderful. A feeling as though maybe it never was real at all. Maybe I imagined it all. Maybe the great love story I thought was us was just a figment of my imagination. Maybe the man I thought he was never existed.
When I hug him I feel pain. When he looks at me all I wonder is what is it that he sees. Does he judge me for not looking like her? The 22 year old with fake boobs. Mighty beautiful looking girl. Certainly not a 35 year old who's body has been ravaged by 4 pregnancies.
I should have known. How could I have competed? I brought a knife to a gunfight. No one could have been happy with this. Who wants a steak sandwich when you can have lobster.
I have taken a photo every day for 2 years since 3 months before it happened as part of my weightloss journey. Each photo to me seems to show the heartbreak. I am dead in the eyes.
In my heart he died that day. What I was replaced with looks like my husband but it is not him. My husband would never say the unkind things he does. My husband would punch someone in the head for making me feel this way. He was my protector. The most wonderful man I ever met. This is the man that I love. Not the one left behind. Every day I hope he will come back to me. That I will look into his eyes and see him staring back at me. But he does not come.
I wait and I wait but he does not come.
I want so badly for him to save me.
Who will save me from him?
This relationship will be the death of me

 ♥ I'm so sorry you're experiencing this ♥
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