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Breadwinner mother under financial pressure, SO making out he has no money... advice?

After moving to a new place and having a lot of financial pressure due to the move because of buying furniture deposits etc my SO is claiming that he can’t afford to contribute (which he rarely does anyway) though I specifically asked this month. The reply was I can’t afford to give you anything. After checking his bank account I have learned that he has a lot more than he is willing to admit! We have separate accounts I pay for 90% of bills I know how much he makes as he does me obviously but this pretending to have nothing business and watching me suffer is not on! What would u do? I don’t want a joint account as he is useless with money and I don’t want to be in even more financial stress. However I can understand that having separate account can cause problems. I am very clear about my expenditure and money I have... he is not!


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Answers (8)

Omg get out NOW before our law sees you both as defacto and makes everything legal.

He won’t ever change, there is no rationalising this type of behaviour. I’ve seen it, been through it, there is absolutely no sugar coating it.

Tell him be needs to get his own place then. Why stay with someone like that

Have some pride. Call it in. Tell him top pay up or f**k off.
Each contribute 50% to a share account.

Your so is my so.
I'm pretty sure we're being taken advantage of and used. We do all the work, pay all the bills, they just use use use and only stick around for free meal ticket.
He needs to pay up or get out!
I made mine sell half his shit to pay for things or get out of my house. I'm really resenting him and don't feel like he cares about anyone but himself

 Mine is awful. It was my sons bday and I asked if he could grab a cake on way home from work and he said he couldn’t afford a cake! 🤬
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I am terrible with money so even though I earn a lot and not spend much I just have it stockpiling. It would piss me off if I had to support a sponge. My husband covers everything and when my money gets to a significant sum I transfer some to him for bills and the rest on the house. We don’t deprive each other that is financial abuse and not on. Your SO doesn’t respect you this is a deal breaker.

Been through this. It never improves.
Once financially sneaky, always financially sneaky and deceptive.
Being with men like this has cost me many thousands. And probably hundreds of thousands if I count what assets I could have built up with that money.
Get out now before he bleeds you dry and you lose half your assets in a split up.
Even if you have a financial cohabitation agreement it costs you a fortune to defend it in court when you split.

 And you are right to never have a joint account with that sort of person. They just consistently short pay it, and bills go unpaid. The same goes with splitting responsibility for paying separate bills. He will fail to pay his, and you will only find out when things like the electricity is cut off.
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I am the op last year, I found a receipt for 5000 dollars again he claimed he had 100dollars and that he just found a receipt and put it in his pocket .. lies. Who even does that?! With detective work I realized he had been stashing that cash aside while I broke my back to try and manage bills! When I confronted him he said you want everything from me and stormed out!