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Do you trust your husband?

If I find a web page in my husband's history '5 best adult dating sites' and on his YouTube the ad that pops up is 'meet mature singles' should I believe him that these just pop up all the time for No Reason at all?!! I don't have anything like that pop up on any of my sites! Note he has a history of online cheating. It's been 12 years we are together and I don't trust him. It's exhausting. Do you ladies trust like really trust your husbands?

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Answers (15)

If you don't trust your husband then he shouldn't be your husband

Relationships aren’t supposed to be like this. Honestly, your husband sounds like a massive dropkick - he mistreats you, he makes you feel bad, he is trying to make you feel guilty (staying outside until midnight, commenting on your cooking) because of his behaviour - like someone mentioned previously - if your friend or your sister described their partner behaving like this, what would your reaction be?

OP Maybe he is a narcissist I'm thinking
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I used to 100%, but not anymore. Over the years there’s been tiny alarm bells. I’ve never asked him straight out about whether he’s cheated but I believe in my heart he has. I’m too scared to ask because I fear it will reflect poorly on me as his wife. Stuck!

OP :( I'm sorry. And no it wouldn't his actions are all about him and not you xxx
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 Same here. Don’t ask don’t tell. I’m willing to turn a blind eye.
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Yes I trust my husband but he hasn’t given me reason not to. Yours has by breaking the trust, you need to learn to deal with it. He has/had a problem but it’s making you worry. It’s not worth the energy to constantly be in this state of anxiety and not healthy.

OP Yes it's tiring I'm too old and too much going on to worry about this. Thanks for your response xx
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Do you watch a lot of porn?
Sounds like a super common porn pop up

OP We don't but he does and has a history of addiction to it. In counselling that I only turned up to I learned he has a sex addiction which stems from his mum leaving him. But that's all well and good for me to know but doesn't really help when he thinks he is perfect and won't address or talk about anything
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 Interested to know how his mum leaving him would trigger a sex addiction. How did they come to that conclusion?
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OP They said that in a way he hates women and wants to see them degraded and treated with disrespect as that's all they deserve which is troubling psychologically of course but the bigger reason is he needs constant connection to a female and if he feels abandoned by me emotionally or physically will look for connection toanother female to full the voidand escape his pain. I believe it as the one time I was going away for 2 nights wish my sis and kids he was upset and then suddenly made his peace with it. When I got back he had been googling adult dating sites and joined one under a fake name and put his pic up of his chest and trying to connect to women on the app who live very local. So he wanted to start something as he felt abandoned by me. And prob continue with it I suspect but nothing came of it. I nearly left him that time
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 I'm reading your story & i'm sorry but he doesn't sound like a great guy. i've gotta ask do you see yourself growing old with him?
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OP ^^^ thank you xxx i am sad. And scared to leave as I already left one bad marriage and he made my life hell after I left to punish me and was so hard to rebuild my life and start from scratch. My ex still causes issues and it's been 15 years. So scared to do that again. And it's heartbreaking becoming a part time mum. So I just don't know.....
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Absolutely I trust my hubby. If you're concerned he really shouldn't be your hubby.

It sounds like he is trying to find a reason to leave. If that's what he wants, I wouldn't try to stop him. You deserve to be happy x

OP Yes I imagine that may be true. Our kids have special needs and life is so very stressful
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Answered by OP

He is now not talking to me and saying he doesn't know if he wants to live here any more because a) I went thru his phone b) I should know my husband and know he wouldn't do that and c) I said to him when I found the Google search page are you doing this again honey? I just don't think we can stay together I'm too tired. But b) I do know my husband and he has a history of cheating online, also in person when we first were together a) I wouldn't look in his phone if I didn't suspect and also the Google ad just came up on computer and c) why wouldn't I say I don't want to stay if my husband is cheating!! He always does this and makes me the bad guy and I end up saying sorry to him! As it's all my fault and suck up to him till he is nice again. Not going to do that anymore. I'm loyal and true and a nice side and deserve respect

 You do. Imagine the life you want & put a plan in place to start to make that happen. Leave that dude to his sad shallow affairs, he doesn't know what really matters in life. You deserve better. Grow grow & bloom 🌻
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OP ^^^ thank you xxx
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 If it was your daughter going through this you would tell her to run for the hills. I think you should take stock, be strong and back yourself and your worth.
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OP Thanks lovely I guess I'm scared as my first ex got 10 times worse after separation and still torments me when he can. The kids suffered from separating and now would go thru another separation with my new partner and our child together would also suffer and I would have to share custody which is hard but the way it's done of course. I can't start from scratch again with nothing in my 40s like I did in my 30s I might have to do some background research and see if my parents would help me by going guarantor on the house so me and the kids can stay etc.
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If you want to catch him out check his deleted photos album on his phone. Also check if he has the Kik app. A lot of cheaters use this app. I would also ask in a way that you are willing to accept and turn a blind eye.

OP Thanks I thought Kik was for kids!
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Yes I trust my husband completely. He has never given me a reason not to trust him.

OP That's so good. I don't trust mine because of all the times he broke it and just can't get it back now
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 Different responder— That’s a fair and logical conclusion to come to then.. I think one should trust their husband or life would be quite painful and insecure, unless you came to peace with it and just accepted that you could never? Life is tricky.. everyone can handle different things
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I trust him 100%. He has never let me or our kids down, very grateful for him

OP This is what I yearn for. Glad you have it that's lovely xxx
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If you love him, talk to him about it. Really talk about about your relationship. Ask him if hed like to try something else in the bedroom to spice things up if you are willing. If you dont trust him leave. No point staying in a trustless relationship you will doubt everything he says and look for reasons that maybe not there. It wont be healthy. Maybe not the best time tho asur stuck with him in lockdown lol

I click on random stuff all the time, and the ads will come from that once. I hate cars, but once clicked on it...never again, so many car sale ads..!

 Answer is yes, I’d be curious what top five dating sites are..you’d need much more that that
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Answered by OP

I just looked up how much I can borrow for mortgage and now fb and YouTube is littered with housing ads. How can my husband tell.me he has no clue where these ads he has are coming from?!!!

Answered by OP

Update: he is still barely talking to me and when he is it's snarky comments about how i never cook tea, why didn't I make him rice to go with his leftovers, how the tea I made for my kids wasn't healthy, complimenting some famous guy on tv and they showed his girlfriend's sexy pics, he was saying oh poor bloke having to self isolate with that! In front of me. He keeps walking away from me or ignoring me when I try to talk or being rude when i said why are you talking to me like this he said I can talk to you however I like if you don't like it just leave me alone. Yesterday he got so drunk and stayed outside all day till midnight and when I tried to talk to him just kept saying how I should trust him and he's not done anything to lose trust obviously he has blocked all the past online cheating! and he realises now he had wasted the past 13 years of us being together and wishes he was never with me! He said he made the wrong decision 13 years ago. He said he can't get over that when I said oh I've found you're looking at this stuff again, I don't think we can stay together hon. That it ripped the ground from under his feet and made him reassess everything! But I said that as an immediate upset reaction and it's literally the only bad thing I said. He has said such worse things now! And he changed his password so his phone is locked to me.

 He is MANIPULATING you big time.
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