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I think it is rude. If going where she wants isn't an affordable option, work together to come up with a new place. One that will make her happy for her birthday and will also keep your budget on track.
Yes it's rude. If you can't afford the friend, no friend or no dinner out. Make a favourite dinner at home.
If she wants a friend to come and celebrate her birthday, which is the norm for 11 year olds, maybe you could consider ordering in take away if money is an issue.
Yes! If you are inviting her for your daughters bday you pay for her meal. Thats how it works. You dont organise roller skating, bounce, movies etc for your kids bday and ask the guest to pay. You dont invite people iver for a party and afk the for $10 each to cover food, drinks and cake.
Yes. Just give the girls two options from the menu (cheaper options) or go to sizzler if there is one nearby.
Take a cake with you, check ahead you may need to pay a cake surcharge
If it is just one friend then I think you should pay or go somewhere you can afford. My child wanted a birthday dinner with friends and since I was not able to afford to pay for an extra 8 people I specifically stated on the invite they were required to pay for their own meal and not bring a gift. My child was fine with it and thought it was appropriate. Most still bought a card and a couple even bought a small git even though it was not expected.