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I want him back but I want him to leave what can I do?

We have been togther for 13 years it was very toxic off and on but I always felt second to most things in his life weither it be work going out etc we never took time for us. I became bitter and quite nasty then we had some extreme deaths in our family but he always with drew from me and ran to any and everyone else.
I have always had his back through everything and he seems to forget what and who we were.
I was heart broken when he broke up with me then to find out that he had feelings for another person and she had them for him was enough to kill me.
I asked him to leave but it’s excuse after excuse.

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Answers (6)

He could be holding you back from a happy life. You only get one shot at life. Are you willing to lose that for the sake of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole?

Just the title alone tells me you are not in a good place. Although you are in a painful situation (I have been there), being in two minds is actually far worse. You will never know if you are coming or going and it's like being stuck in limbo. No one wants that.
It sounds to me like he is doing a fine job of meeting his own needs and taking care of number 1...him. Now you need to show yourself the same courtesy and you take care of YOU.
My advice to you is to dig deep and make some decisions. Do you think this is worth fighting for? Then decide you are going to hang on and stand strong for your relationship BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR WELLBEING.
Or do you think you need to end this now and move on? If so, end it, focus on yourself and rebuild. If things are as toxic as you describe and there is another woman, I know what option I would take. But please know you are worth far more than what he is dishing out and make some decisions. All the best.

Don’t let people treat you like crap. You are much more attractive to others also if you’re more confident and self assured. Counselling will help. Don’t waste this life feeling down, do what makes you happy.

Some people are content for everything to look good from the outside. Have you tried counseling?

Why do you want him back? Sounds like he and your marriage make you miserable. What you do is you write a list of pros and cons of this relationship to remind you why you should not have him back.