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I got totally trashed on my community facebook page.

I live in a very small country town and yesterday after school I left my kids in the car to run in to the shop to grab some milk, they are aged 2 and 12. I left the aircon on and my 12 year old locked the doors, I actually do this a lot when I need to nip in somewhere, to pay for fuel or pick up a take away etc
Anyway someone took a photo of my car and kids and posted it with a big rant and the comments went crazy and I got absolutely smashed as a mother, Is 12 really not old enough to sit in a car with 2 year old for 3 minutes? I had fully planned for my daughter to even be able to babysit for short periods for pocket money next year when she is 13, she is a fabulous big sister. What do you think?


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Answers (18)

I see very elderly or incapacitated people left in cars all the time. Sometimes (often) without the car even running and it is super hot where I live. No-one says a boo about that. A 12 year old who is almost ready to babysit is certainly capable of sitting with her sister in an airconditioned secure vehicle. Also, if this person is posting pictures of your children without your consent, that could be illegal. If they were so horrified they should have notified the authorities or reported it to the shopping centre. I’m going to check now if they have broken the law posting your pics...
“There are Commonwealth privacy laws relevant to the unauthorised production and publication of a person's image through the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth). These laws regulate the publication of personal information that conveys the identity of a person or allows their identity to be determined. Under the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth)section6, "personal information" refers to:
Information or an opinion (including information or an opinion forming part of a database), whether true or not, and whether recorded in a material form or not, about an individual whose identity is apparent, or can reasonably be ascertained, from the information or opinion.

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This means images of children that would enable them to be identified - for example, in a school uniform, outside their house, or showing their name - should not be published on the Internet without the consent of both the child and their parent or guardian. Establishing protocols for obtaining parental/guardian and child consent is good practice regardless of whether or not images contain identifying information about the child or young person.”

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OP Thanks, I've actually not even commented on the post and have asked my friends and family not to identify that it was me either so it's still up
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 Maybe message the page admins privately and request it be taken down.
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OP Awkwardly, the poster is one of the admin. I considered messaging another one but figured they all probably personally know one another 😕
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 Maybe send thst info from the commenter to the admins?
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 Message Facebook for it to be removed
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You can report the photos to Facebook and get them removed.

 Do this ^^^
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Arrogant accusative bitch. And spiteful. And troublemaker.
If she was genuinely concerned about the kids she would have simply asked the 12 year old if they were OK, NOT ask her to open the car door, which most parents would know the child would have been instructed not to do.
You can tell the airconditioning is on, because you can hear the car motor running.
If she was further concerned she would have stood in the shade and watched, to make sure Mum wasn't away too long, then got in her car and gone. NOT take photos and accusatively post them.
When I was a young Mum that's what I would have done, and what most people I know would have done.

Likewise, in the other responders case, either offer to put trolleys away for a Mum putting kids in her car, or just stand and watch while Mum did it, just to be sure no-one came up and took the kids.

There doesn't seem to be any concept any more that it takes a village to raise a child, that if a Mum is frantically busy, maybe you could offer help, rather than take photos and shame her.
I never experienced accusations about my parenting, no-one wrote articles about how fantastic they were, and belittled others publicly.
Its not just the electronic methods that have changed to enable toxic cultures and trolling. Attitudes have changed. Now too many people never check their own behaviour, and pass only negative judgement on others, publicly. And are so quick to do so.
Only you know how responsible your 12 year old is, and how easy to manage the 2 year old is, and how long you were going to be away from the car. I would have done the same as you. And my 13 year old was babysitting too.

In country towns, usually people are more concerned and supportive of others.
Sorry you got trashed, but the problem is them, not you.

 Completely agree. I hate keyboard warriors. If there was a real safety concern she would have called 000.

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 Where did it say the personwas a mum or am i missing something?
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 They don’t even need to call 000, they can get staff/security from the shops if they are that concerned.
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I dont see a problem at all! I know i would do the same. Infact i hardly ever got my kids out of the car to go pay for fuel. The 2 year old will be fine with a 12 year old sibling. I often leave my kids (11 and 13) together or on their own with the car running for a/c and music and they just lock the door and unlock when i get back. So many peoole these days are so quick to judge without knowing any details other than their assumptions and so 'perfect'. I figure they must have such boring lives if they have time and energy to worry too much about what others are doing. I also think sometimes people get a kick out of posting stuff on social media and all the attention they get with comments - its probably more about the person that took the photo than you or your kids. If the person who did this was that concerned they should have called the police and stayed with the car/kids, not just take a photo to publically shame you. Im so sorry this happened to you. Also - perhaps theres an avenue you can take for a stranger taking a photo of your kids and posting it publically?

 ^agree. Pretty sure strangers can’t just take photos of people’s kids.
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OP Thanks, It's nice to hear someone else would do it honestly. My 12 year old can drive a car, she is totally capable or turning it on or off if she needs to, getting her sibling in and out of the car, assembling the pram, using a phone, coming to get me and so on haha my best friend actually had her own baby at 13 😅 I think she can handle 3 minutes but yeah.. obviously some people disagree. I haven't identified myself on the post so it's still up, our friends and fam know its me but I asked them to also not say anything.
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 I make my 11 year old go into the shops with my atm card to do groceries, I leave my 10,11,13 year old at home while I'm at work in school holidays. I leave them all in the car, with it off, because they sit with the doors open and Windows down, when I go in to pay for fuel or get bread. There's a difference between complete negligence and just running into the shop for a minute
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My wife got roasted for puttung the kids in the car then putting the groceries in the boot. IN UNDERGROUND PARKING! People are fecking eeediots if you ask me. (Misspelling intended)

I can not see anything wrong with doing this. I've left my kids in the car to pay for fuel. Bugger the eeediots i say.

As parents we can only do our best, abd for some that is not good enough..... until they have to do the same. Then, of course it's fine.

 Absolutely ridiculous. Safer to have them in the car than trying to contain them in a car park while loading your groceries in the boot. People just like to get outraged for the sake of it. Commonsense is irrelevant.
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OP Oooh I've seen someone be blasted for putting the baby in and then returning a trolley to the bay. Which I personally also do some times myself. If it's close. Common sense and judging a situation for yourself as a mother doesn't seem to be allowed any more.
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 I always return my trolley to the bay when the kids are strapped in haha
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 I parked too far away from a bay once and had all 4 of my kids with me who were all under 6 at the time I was not walking them through the carpark unnecessarily and had packed the pram and everything away. So I propped the trolley in front of the car so it was out of the way and couldn't move. Then another mum with older kids come along and just death stared me and got one of her kids to take the trolley back. Damned if you do, damned if you don't 😂
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I'd leave a 12yr old, old enough to get out if it's hot and come get you, not a 2yr old with them though. Even if aircons on.

Leaving a 12 year old alone in a car with a 2 year old is probably a little bit too much responsibility, if like you say it was hot. It would be different if the 12 year old was by herself. 2 is too young and I personally would never leave any kid in a car by themselves under the age of 9 even for a couple of minutes. Things can change very very quickly. Probably would have been easier to leave the kids at home so the 12 year old can babysit with strict instructions to not leave the house, lock doors etc etc parenting these days is hard work with the perfect parents!

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A responsible 12 year old girl should be perfectly capable of looking after a 2 year old buckled in a car seat. Political correctness gone mad if you ask me. That said - a lot of kids in this day and age are often not raised or expected to be responsible. As such I can understand some people’s concern but would put it down to their own perception of young teenagers and certainly not a reflection on your parenting.

Did the person who took the pic actually get your kids out of the car or were they too busy being outraged on social media?

A small country town, I’m sure everyone knows who you are and so this might affect you more than some keyboard warriors on Facebook. Which is a shame. Leaving your kids in the car even for just a few minutes was probably slack of you but given the info you have given I wouldn’t be awarding you the worst parent of the year award either.

People who get all sanctimonious on Facebook without actually doing anything annoy me more.

OP The person knocked on the window and told my daughter to open the door and my daughter said no thankyou! lol I was in the store for probably 4 minutes so she didn't even stick around to talk to me in person.
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I have ten years between my eldest and second. I've left my daughter and son in the car together since he was born. She's always been more than capable of calming him and would respond appropriately in any kind of emergency situation she found herself in.

Only thing I don't do is leave the keys in the ignition. That's just asking for someone to smash a window, steal your car and dump your kids down the road.

Its fine imho. 12 is old enough to watch a sibling for 5 minutes

1st Id google the laws surrounding children being left unatended.
2. Id screenshot the post and comments
3. Id demand facebook take it down while also seeking help from the police. She took photos of ur kids and posted them online with out ur permission. Its actually not okay for anyone to put ur childs pic up with out permission.

Country towns are horrible for stuff like that. I worked in the office of the local hospital and had to be so careful of not mentioning patients names when paging calls to their rooms because of the old bitties that were there trying to be good Samaritans trying to get gossip.