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Being a nagging step mum.

I have been looking after my 11 year old step daughter for three years now, she is with is about 40% of the time. I do the usual stuff for her. I find she needs to be reminded a lot of normal things like hurry up and get ready for school, put your clothes in the laundry etc. She hates being nagged and a few months ago called her mum to pick her up early because she apparently couldn't take it anymore, and will only stay with her dad on the condition that I can't tell her what to do. I had to agree and now just let her do what she likes. However I let her deal with the consequences, dirty clothes left on her bedroom floor don't get washed, if she leaves a wet towel on her bed she has a wet towel and wet bed, if she isn't ready for school when I take the others I let her walk. Now I am copping a hard time for being mean. I just don't know what to do.


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Answers (7)

Hahahaha I love this.
You can’t won’t being a step mum 😂
Try and sit her down and have a talk with her, if she is being a brat we’ll not your problem. 🤷‍♀️

helpful (0) 

You are doing the right thing! Before I moved in with my partner his ex told him all these things I can't do so I have respected that and do nothing for him. I don't wake him up for school, I don't do his washing, I don't rush around after him. I make a family meal for everyone, I used to make his lunches but he complained about them so i don't now. She picked him up recently and had to take dirty clothes back to wash because he had not done it. She puts money in at the canteen because he wont eat my lunch. She complains about it all but its her mess she made. Ignore Mum and continue what you're doing!

Thanks for the responses, she is a lovely normal child, who has discovered a way around being told what to do. It's a combination of her age, and being an only child at her mum's who does everything for her. I don't have time to pick up after her all the time. Her dad just wants her to be happy and to want to be here, so he is no help, hopefully he changes his mind after having to now be the one picking up after her.

helpful (1) 

Oh gosh, this is a really hard one!
Have you tried getting her Dad to sit down and calmly talk to her about actions having consequences?
It seems you won't win talking to her yourself, so maybe Dad needs to talk to her and her bio Mum.
Does her bio Mum in force the same rules at home?

You’re doing the right thing and all of these things show how the mother is raising her on her own time. Shit that’s how. If the child was being raised and taught right then it wouldn’t be an issue. Not only that let the mother tell a judge the child won’t visit due to being asked to be respectful and tidy of your home HAHAHA been through that the mother cops it

I always assume the best of people, which I would of her. Many adults still have the executive functioning issues she is experiencing. Is it possible to help her a little without infringing on your own sanity? If I walk past a towel on the floor I just pop it on the hook. But all adults are different to. To some the act of picking up the towel is taxing (some times because of ideas around parenting and being in control and sometimes because they are plain exhausted and can't add another task to their already overwhelming load).

 No, they need to learn to do it themselves and f someones picking up after them all the time they don't learn! They soon learn to do it when they have to use a wet smelly towel to dry themselves with.
helpful (2)