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How can people justify cheating on their partners?

Then they say things like "I can't leave because of the kids" - or "I can't afford to leave"

I can't understand how people are happy to go around sleeping with other people, then coming home to your family and sitting around the dinner table as if nothing happened!

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Answers (10)

They’re gutless. They want all the sex they can have but won’t give up the security they have with their partner or kids. They want what they think is the best of both worlds.

 Yes, thank you. Even if it is the woman doing it and not wanting to leave because she doesn't want to get a fucken job
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I was completely with you, until I realised that my husband doesn't actually love me or was attracted to me ever. He just wanted a brood mare/house keeper to look after him. I can't justify cheating but I do understand that feeling of being unwanted and feeling unattractive and just wanting abit of attention that leads people to have an affair.

 Wouldn't you just leave....
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 Don’t be silly he would have been attracted to you and even loved you in the beginning. Take care of yourself, go to the gym everyday, do some study part time to make yourself interesting, learn a language, and/or instrument. He could just be bored with the same conversations. We all go through this even working mums we forget self-care because we are so busy looking after everyone else.
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 You have made assumptions that I have let my self go and am uninteresting that is why he isn't attracted to me. It comes across as a bit rude to be honest although I do realise that you just trying to be kind. I don't think it is the case. I am a size 8, well toned, eat well, excersize daily, big boobs. He has actually said it to me, He had just come out of a long term relationship that went really bad and just wanted someone to have kids with before he turned 30 and he though I would make a good mother. I didn't realise and fell inlove. it was not until about 10 years later that he said the truth. I wrote a question about it on here actually and got lots of encouraging and helpful responses.
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 I wasn’t meaning to be rude just talking from my own experience. I was a size 10 and have slimmed down to size 8 and looking after myself. It has to do with chemistry as well. I have better chemistry with some men I work with tbh then my husband but I know it’s my husband that looks after me and is a wonderful father not them. Are you resentful? Are you thinking that he is having affairs? Is he a great dad? If you have everything does it really matter?
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People always find a way to justify something they know they shouldnt do but do it anyway. It's just humans.

I don't know how people can do it. The guilt & shame would eat me up. But i don't think I'm built like most people.

 This was me for 15 years. The last 5 of that I was desperate for affection and sick of being neglected for porn. The right / wrong person came along and I caved. Yes there is no excuse but I now understand how it happens.
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 No judgment but i'm just curious. How do you feel about it? Does it keep you awake at night? I'd hate to keep that secret. There's no way i could ever drink alcohol again in case i blurted it out.
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 I struggled with the guilt in the beginning. But it’s made me a happier person. When my affair began I was in a really bad place mentally. I had such strong morals (I fought the urge for a good 5 years). In the beginning yes I struggled to sleep at night but now I sleep better than I ever have and I think it’s because I feel complete. Every now and then I worry about the psychological aspect this might cause in the long term but to be honest it’s cured my depression. I feel worthy again and as long as my secret stays undiscovered I’m not hurting anyone.
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 And yes drinking has caused a slight problem as I’ve brought up things I normally wouldn’t such as suggesting an open relationship. My view on cheating has obviously changed too so I have to be careful when the topic comes up.
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 Thank you for your honesty
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Really easy when you despise the person you’re with but don’t want to break up your family. coming home and being happy because for once you felt wanted and like your needs are being met is how you sit around the dinner table and have a family meal.

 What kind of message are you sending to your kids if you despise your husband/wife? Your first hand teaching them that you have to stay with someone you hate and/or treats you poorly because of them. If you hate your partner, it's NOT a family. It 2 selfish adults and 2 sad children
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 What about the other person you are having an affair with? What if they develop feelings for you but you won’t leave your sham of a marriage, very selfish?
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 ^ you make it clear in the beginning what your expectations are. Affairs aren’t real love it’s fantasy.
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 Understand but real feelings can develop I have seen it with people on a course we did. A couple got together and she said to me it’s just fantasy but on their last day together she was a wreck.. no thanks not for me.
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 That’s addiction not love. She was addicted to the way he made her feel. It’s hormonal.
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My husband started traveling a lot for work and I was super attracted to my boss at work, and we had a lot of things in common. He started paying attention to me and it felt so good to be wanted again. I actually felt like the most gorgeous woman alive in his eyes. That’s how it happens. In my case I stopped it from going further by asking my husband to stop traveling and telling him how lonely I was. I didn’t have an affair because all I could think about was hurting some other woman because my marriage was miserable. At the time I didn’t think of my husband or our marriage but I did think of my kids and how it would destroy them. I am relieved it didn’t go further, I kept my job, reputation, marriage and sanity. I treat everyone super respectfully and professionally now and I make sure I am never alone with a male.

 Well done. There are times when I wished I never crossed the line. I wish I could have told hubby what was going on. At each stage I thought it was too late and he wouldn’t forgive me.
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I'm not saying it's ok to cheat, but some people can't leave.

 Can't?
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 Won't not can't
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 Some people try to leave many times but have no support system because their spouse has isolated them. They end up going back because the controlling asshole manipulated them into staying. Some people can’t see a way our other than to cheat. I did it, I know it was wrong, but I don’t regret it because it got me out of an extremely toxic marriage that I had tried to escape many times.
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I can't believe this question gets recycled in one way or another every month or so. Ffs.

 Cheating?
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 Am I? No. Follow the cheating tags and read every post already up. Shits repetitive as hell
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 Sorry to bore you. You really didn't have to comment ya troll
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 I forgive you. You're obviously going through some shit. Seriously though, you should search for all the other questions just like this one. Maybe you'll find an answer that suits your needs.
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 But if she searches it will bring up shit from 4 years ago. Things are different now. There are different people on here now. Lots of new and different opinions. I prefer people to write a new post and not bring one up from years ago.
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 Things are different now? Because sometime in the past 4 years, society changed the definition of cheating? I must have missed the memo then.

Regardless of whatever you think is suddenly different, why not bump up an old post then?
I had just read the SAHM article they compiled from one of these questions, when this was posted. So the content is definitely there.

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I really don’t know... my ex cheated, left me for her. But their relationship is so toxic! Police involvement because their fights get so bad. He constantly tells me she is crazy. Neither one is happy! So why did he break up an 18 year marriage... he doesn’t even know!

 Boredom
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 Yes, boredom. My husband wanted to leave after 20 years because he got bored. I told him he was boring, not life. I pointed out all the family activities he didn’t join in with, all the outings he didn’t want to come on, allthe excuses he made. He knew I was right and now he joins in and takes us out places. He’s happy now, but he nearly threw it all away because he was bored and thought things would be better with another woman and her kids.
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