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If he is volatile and tries to pick fights with you when he is drunk, you are probably not safe.
My ex was an alcoholic, a quiet one, but in the end he attacked me from behind, threw me across the kitchen, and my head missed a corner of the wall by about a centimetre. Police removed him from the house. He does not know what triggered him to do that.
I had used the same avoidance techniques as you, but he also would go to bed himself when he felt he was going to become violent. He ended up destroying his brain and getting alcohol induced dementia. He had a still and was making his own spirits, way over proof, and previously it had been only beer which was not so easy to get quite so drunk on. His need for alcohol ended up ruling his life, and he needed more and more. Nothing else mattered.
Living with him was like walking on eggshells. I did not know what a relaxed state of mind was until I was no longer with him.
The faulty decision making from the brain damage was financially crippling in the end too.
You need to think about whether you want to continue living in this situation, if he will not admit he has a problem and undertakes treatment, and sticks to it.
You need to have a serious conversation when he is sober tell him how much this is starting to affect your life and if things don't change then you will have to consider other options you shouldn't have to be in a situation when your feelings are not validated and you should never be in a relationship if you are afraid of him if he keeps drinking things will only get worse not better you need to deal with it early on
Sorry to say this but my hubby was the same. It for to the point where he pushed me over and o was pregnant. So scary. His.mum was there and he was.looming over me saying u just wait till everyone leaves. His mum didn't care. She was more worried about him. But anyway. After that day i said u touch one more drop and I'm gone. That didn't work. He got drunk again the next week and had a massive grand mal seizure (idiot is epileptic) and died and had to be resuscitated. That was almost 4 years ago he has been sober since. So it took almost dying to stop him
ALANON it's a support group for partners and family members of alcoholics. My dad was an abusive drunk. And while your hubby may be overindulging, or even have a problem, you can also be projecting your past dealings onto his behavior. This is a place to work out your own issues with drinking, drinkers, etc in a therapeutic environment.