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Husband's drinking

My husband has been drinking a lot at night. He scares me. He is volatile and unreasonable, difficult and tries to pick fights with me when he drinks. I have told him I don't like his behaviour when he drinks, that I am afraid of him and I have asked him to stop. He thinks I'm being ridiculous and says I'm projecting the issues I had with my alcoholic ex onto him. I have suggested in the sober light of day that he might consider the possibility that he has a drinking problem and he agrees it might be the case. He has finally realised that driving drunk is stupid and now makes an effort to leave his car at home when he goes out. Bottom line is he gives zero fucks about my history with alcohol, how I feel about him drinking, and the effect his drinking has on my mental wellbeing.
Any suggestions on how to manage the situation? Currently I either go to bed or try to stay away from him. Avoid eye contact. That sort of thing.


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Answers (6)

If he is volatile and tries to pick fights with you when he is drunk, you are probably not safe.

My ex was an alcoholic, a quiet one, but in the end he attacked me from behind, threw me across the kitchen, and my head missed a corner of the wall by about a centimetre. Police removed him from the house. He does not know what triggered him to do that.

I had used the same avoidance techniques as you, but he also would go to bed himself when he felt he was going to become violent. He ended up destroying his brain and getting alcohol induced dementia. He had a still and was making his own spirits, way over proof, and previously it had been only beer which was not so easy to get quite so drunk on. His need for alcohol ended up ruling his life, and he needed more and more. Nothing else mattered.

Living with him was like walking on eggshells. I did not know what a relaxed state of mind was until I was no longer with him.
The faulty decision making from the brain damage was financially crippling in the end too.

You need to think about whether you want to continue living in this situation, if he will not admit he has a problem and undertakes treatment, and sticks to it.

 This is my life. Husband drinks to excess 3/4 or more times a week, cant say no or stop when he starts, breaks things, punched holes in the wall &furniture, used to drink drive and lost licence for it. When I come home he's drunk and I do the same avoidance usually. Sometimes I confront him about why is he drunk. Then there's an argument and usually him screaming, yelling being violent/volatile/explosive. If I avoid him or go to bed, he purposely throws things at me, screams, yells, goes on massive rants, turns the lights on, throws the bedsheets off the bed or out of the room, starts going on about how I treat him like shit. He often goes on about how I get government payment for the kids & he has to look after them and he gets nothing, &screams that he'll take me to court to get back every cent of babysitting fees. Just stupid stuff. If I record it, he refuse to watch or listen because he must know he treats me like shit.
When hes sober hes in denial, never apologises, Im to blame

helpful (0) 
 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe a family memeber could approach him about this instead ? The secret will only make it worse. Has anyone else witnessed this abusive behaviour he does?
helpful (0) 
 You leave him with the kids when he is like this ????????
helpful (0) 
 Op of 1st comment- love why don’t you leave him??
It sounds like he isn’t a decent husband or father and your kids shouldn’t be in the care of an abusive alcoholic.
I really hope you have any amt of family to help you get out of this situation. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

helpful (1) 

Crush sleeping pill in his booze

 This!! 🤭
helpful (0) 

You need to have a serious conversation when he is sober tell him how much this is starting to affect your life and if things don't change then you will have to consider other options you shouldn't have to be in a situation when your feelings are not validated and you should never be in a relationship if you are afraid of him if he keeps drinking things will only get worse not better you need to deal with it early on

ALANON it's a support group for partners and family members of alcoholics. My dad was an abusive drunk. And while your hubby may be overindulging, or even have a problem, you can also be projecting your past dealings onto his behavior. This is a place to work out your own issues with drinking, drinkers, etc in a therapeutic environment.

confused. Is this about you or him?. Sounds like he should get off the piss for both of your sakes. Best wishes mate xx

Sorry to say this but my hubby was the same. It for to the point where he pushed me over and o was pregnant. So scary. His.mum was there and he was.looming over me saying u just wait till everyone leaves. His mum didn't care. She was more worried about him. But anyway. After that day i said u touch one more drop and I'm gone. That didn't work. He got drunk again the next week and had a massive grand mal seizure (idiot is epileptic) and died and had to be resuscitated. That was almost 4 years ago he has been sober since. So it took almost dying to stop him