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Here’s my situation... I’ve been married to my husband for almost 21 years. We are both mid fifties in age. Our marriage started off rocky due to his infidelities but the past 8 years have been amazing. I found he was looking at porn about six months ago and we worked through that but have now found that he has been in an online relationship for about 7 months.... as a woman. When I confronted him about this he revealed that since he was around 22 he has had a desire to be a woman. He says he isn’t gay because he likes women but does desire to be a gay woman. There have never been any signs of his desire to be female and honestly he’s quite masculine.

My heart is broken, I feel totally betrayed and I’m angry. Looking for some advice on how to navigate this devastating change in my life.

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Answers (6)

I think you'll both benefit from counselling. The person transitioning needs support but so does the other person. It can be likened to the death of a partner 💜

It sounds like you have some very important decisions to make


This is sad and perhaps trying some counselling may be helpful? Myself, I believe that a husband or partner that connects with another male or female via internet or by whatever circumstance is breaking their marriage vows. They may not be sleeping with them, but the same intent is there. I believe in forgiveness but this is not his first indiscretion, and I feel that he will just continue on this path secure in the knowledge that you have forgiven him once and will do it again. I can never understand why a man who has "rump steak" waiting at home would bother to settle for "minced beef"? Be good to yourself, hold yourself together in high esteem, you don't need a spouse to complete your life, they are there to complement your marriage and life together. I hope things become clearer for you and perhaps a good counsel can help you navigate to find the right course of action for your future.

So he posing as a woman in a gay relationship with another woman online?

 Possibly a fantasy and his way to explain it to you rather than the typical cheating
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Sorry but I would break up. You both want different things out of life now that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

you have every right to feel what you're feeling. Please don't keep it in xx