Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Parenting with a two-faced loser

Does anyone have any advise for dealing with a drug fucked asshole? I got involved with someone when I was young and had some gorgeous children to them. The only thing I seriously regret is having him as their dad. He doesn’t know what it means to put their needs before his. I am so sick of his philandering infidelity, self-serving, and ability to twist everything and anything people say for his own gain. He is your typical definition of a narcissistic arrogant loser. He thinks he is all that but can’t be fucked looking out for his children’s best interests as it “isn’t his job.” Despite the fact he has no job. 🥴 Expects them to shut up and leave him alone while he plays video games all day. He is violet, threatening and has mood swings worse than a woman’s PMS. He doesn’t give a fuck how it affects his children and regularly tells us to get out - only to ring up within a week and beg us to come back.

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (10)

You are enabling his shitty behaviour and setting a piss weak example for your children.
Make a decision and do something.

OP Or no example? The guy will kill me - and not just threaten. Look at statistics.
helpful (0) 
 Go to a women's shelter.
Destroy the kids passports if they have one.
I worked on a refuge. It opened my eyes to how much help there is for womenI your situation.
Do it or end up dead. Who will protect your children then???
Don't be another statistic.
Do it.
Which state are you in?? I can give you contact details for women and children's refuges.
Please.

helpful (0) 
 Someone else piping in. I feel like this answer is two steps ahead of op, but op doesn’t realise we interpreted what she wrote as quite different to how she wrote it. We read someone strong and angry at such an incompetent moron, but obviously there are more things here. You can gather legal aid, he can’t take them without passports, so get them or look into putting out a block on your children travelling and get your evidence.
helpful (0) 
 LEGAL AID
CENTRELINK
WOMENS SHELTERS

DESTROY KIDS PASSPORTS

POLICE!

helpful (1) 

Those poor children.
All you are doing is complaining and making excuses.
If you are in that of a dangerous situation, record the abuse, go to the police, delete social media, don’t tell anyone where you are going and start a new life for your children.
Be smart. Be strong. Take action.

Sorry what was the question?
The only thing I see here is for you to leave him?
You said yourself the only thing you hate is that he is their father? He’ll never change. You and your kids deserve love respect happiness and peace.
No one deserves violence, threats or anything else you described.
From an outside perspective it’s black and white; LEAVE!

Yeah I do! Just got a 5year permanent no contact DVO and full custody him having supervised through the Federal Circuit Court. If he is so bad get the hell to court stop enabling and allowing your children to be exposed to such shit

OP No one believes a word I say. His own mother has told me I dare not “send her son to jail.” I can’t prove shit. Plus, I am broke as and can’t afford good lawyers or anything. I can’t work as he refuses to look after his children. To top it off - he wants his mother to raise my children and has threatened as much. He has also said he will take them to his home country and that country is not part of The Hague Convention (I would have no hope of getting them back).
helpful (0) 
 I feel like he has some cunning side if he is saying this sort of stuff and if his mum is in on it too. Be very careful in this case what you say and how.
But do seek legal aid (free?) and know that Centrelink can help with leaving him and establishing yourself on your own.
Just be very careful with such a person.

helpful (1) 
 No one believed me either. Gather evidence m, take notes, get a diary. It took me 5 years to be brave enough to go to court sad part is we spectated 8 years ago and I’m remarried and he still didn’t leave me alone
helpful (0) 
 I find it hard to believe you too. Why on earth would you keep going back to a loser who kicks you and the kids out? There is so much government support for women in your situation. How the hell can he find you after a week and bring you back? You are acting weak as shit and a terrible example for your kids. If you don’t get a backbone for the sake of your children, they will end ip being removed from your custody if what you say is true, and you refuse to get them away.
helpful (0) 

get out. Sounds like a very abusive relationship and you need to leave for both your safety and your children’s safety. Check out reach out.com https://au.reachout.com/articles/domestic-violence-support
It lists all the different phone numbers to seek help depending where you live. Start by contacting your local helpline and they will advise you on the best way to go about everything.

Speak to your nearest womens shelter and the kids school (if they attend school). You need to be smart about this. You don't need proof of domestic violence. Your word is enough.
You can get help to get out from under him. And then you disappear. Do NOT tell your children what your plans are. Kids can't keep a secret, God bless 'em. But think about it, once you leave, you stay gone. You left the kids asthma puffer there? Tough, get a new one. Your great aunts ring? Not anymore. Do NOT go back unless you have a full police guard.
Your partner isn't from this country? Awesome. He won't know about all the little nooks and crannies you do.
This is my "get out" plan should I ever need to escape (and I've already escaped one abusive asshole, thank Christ we didn't have kids or a legal obligation to each other). Find a random spot on the map and go there. You tell people your name is no longer Anne, you're known by your middle name. Your kids new school can use your maiden name as their known as (spoken name). You're not from wherever you just left. You're from an entirely different place.

LEAVE !
You wont start to "live" until you leave him behind - permanently !
And I think you know that already.