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My relationship is over, because of a cat.

My boyfriends daughter got a kitten for Christmas, she brings it when she visits. We were very excited, but it turns out my daughter is very allergic to cats. She gets very red a puffy eyes and has trouble breathing, I give her claratyne but that only reduces it. I asked for the cat to stay in the laundry but the little girl keeps getting it out to play with. I asked my bf to talk to her but he won't. Tonight she turned up with the cat again, even though I said she couldn't bring it here again, I took the cat back to her mums but the little girl was so upset my bf went back and got it. I'm now at my mums with my daughter, I'm so annoyed I don't want to leave the relationship over a bloody cat but I might have to. Not a question just venting.

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Answers (13)

Yep. If your boyfriend prioritises a cat over your daughter it is definitely time to leave.

 I don't agree with this any more thought I did in the beginning. She said they were very excited. Was this decided by her too to purchase a kitten with the idea that it would be allowed to come to their house? Now that an allergy has been discovered it's to be dumped on the mother when she is visiting? Address it being left in the laundry but he is not prioritising it over her daughter, he is stuck between gifting his child an animal that she needs to look after and the situation being a mess now that an allergy has been discovered.
helpful (2) 
 Her mum bought her the cat, she asked if she could bring it for visits and we said sometimes depending what we were doing that weekend. He does feel bad seeing his daughter so upset over not having the cat here, but I can't keep medicating my child to keep her happy.
helpful (5) 
 Well in that case, that's fair, I agree again! I'm sorry It was just missing those details before, good luck
helpful (0) 

You arent leaving because of a cat, you are leaving because your boyfriend is a selfish turd. Imagine what other ways he would put your daughter 2nd best if your relationship continued. Good to be out of that one IMHO.

If he can't understand why you don't want the cat at your house, then I have to wonder what kind of future you would have with this man. Sounds like the cat did you a massive favour!

That's so ridiculous. It's not a cat problem but th fact that your bf undermined you

Surely they don't think the cat can just go with the daughter everywhere long term. Its not a dog

Bye bye boyfriend. What a selfish git. Why should your daughter have to suffer in her own house because a visitor brings a cat!? Put the cat outside if he lets her bring it again.

I spoke to him this morning, he was upset as his daughter wanted to go home and won't visit without the cat. He said my daughter can take claratyne and should be ok. I told him (as it's my place) he has to be out by Sunday night when I get back. If he and the cat are still there the cat will be sent out the front door. (I don't really mean it about the cat out the door).

 You're doing the right thing. He isn't treating you or your daughter with any respect. That won't change. Relationship over x
helpful (6) 
 Its unfortunate but if he is going to prioritise a cat over your daughter it wont work out in the long run :/
helpful (3) 
 His daughter wont visit without the cat? How old is she? If shes old enough to have a choice shes old enough not to be so incredibly selfish.
helpful (2) 
 Well having been the person suggesting the allergy test, it just seems like your bf is in between a rock and a hard place and due to his stress of it , he can't make a good call. An upset kid and the idea that the the kid wants to return to mums is probably a pretty big deal for him and upsetting since he may not get all the time with her? That said, he needs to address to her that her cat does not belong at your house. If he bought it for her he was silly because he should have sorted this out beforehand and if you suddenly discovered the allergy after agreeing then this is also not so black and white because then you are putting massive pressure on him to leave his cat with his ex. This is all a bit sticky if you ask me
helpful (0) 
 Cont- Or that it belongs in the laundry.
helpful (0) 

Often it's the cat's saliva that causes the reaction, washing the cat may help.

But really, I agree with the others. Your bf and the girl's mother need to sort out not taking the cat everywhere. I think your bf's situation is understandable, he really wants to see his daughter and will just cave to get that.

Take your daughter to get an allergy test. If he can't respect the results then that's a shame

I spoke to my bf last nigh, and was a bit better since I was less angry. I said the cat is a deal breaker, and he has to move out. In the end we agreed if the cat stays outside it can visit. His daughter has to change her clothes after playing with the cat, and if she brings it into the house once the deal is off and it won't be allowed back. The cat also can't come back until he has paid for the carpets to be cleaned after he didn't clean up too lots of cat pee off the carpet.

 That sounds destined to fail I'm sorry. There will always be an issue with the cat and it will find its way in all the time. I'm allergic to cats too and have a pet one (thanks to the ex) and it really is a horrible thing to be exposed to something you're allergic to everyday. Even when the cat is not there you still have to deal with its hair everywhere. Is your daughter asthmatic too? These kind of allergies go hand in hand with asthma so it will be another thing she has to deal with. I take antihistimines daily and my cat is 7 years old. Put your foot down and make your entire property a cat free zone for your daughters sake.
helpful (2) 
 If the cat comes in I can assure you it won't be back. No asthma but the cat allergy is pretty bad. You do well to tolerate your cat.
helpful (0) 
 I agree, I don't think that it will work in the long run. I find your situation frustrating. Why can't the cat be a special thing for at home with mum, it sounds a bit hard on the poor cat being moved from pillar to post. And ridiculous to expect you and your daughter to put up with it. My suggestion is, if you are able to, borrow a dog for a while, make it unavoidable, your friend needs you to dog sit urgently. It might be easier to understand that the cat can't visit because it will be eaten.
helpful (3) 
 I doubt his daughter will be ok with the cat staying outside. She will be given the choice of leaving the cat at home or the cat staying outside ( and will be made to understand it could run away). I will explain to her very clearly that if she makes the choice to bring the cat it will be outside all the time no matter what, and if she brings it in even once it won't be coming back. Honestly I am fairly sure she will say it can stay outside then refuse to take it outside, so will be banned. I had to compromise and I think it's a win win for me.
helpful (3) 

My friend and his wife divorced over a bird. The real issue was not the bird but how they both handled the disagreement about how to care for the pet. This is similar in that the issue is not the cat, but a complete lack of courtesy. Also, there are other non drowsy allergy meds that work better. If you have time have the cat there, wearing a smock while handling the cat and leaving it in an area away from DD, washing up thoroughly after handling the animal, and not letting it on fabric (like furniture, clothes, blankets) can help. I am horrible with cat allergies. My ex had a cat at home. Just being around him could set me off. He would keep clean clothes at my house and change in the entry way to alleviate my discomfort. It's inconsiderate; especially since he's a guest in your home.

 My dad is horribly allergic to the point he wont come in my house
helpful (0) 

My post was unclear. I meant to say that I agree with the other posts, it's not about the cat. But I can understand that he wants to see his daughter, and the parents need to sort that out.