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What’s next?

So long story short, my partner and I have been together for 8 years. For the past two years I feel like our relationship isn’t going great and I feel like it’s one sided. I love him so much and want to be with him but he just doesn’t give me anything! We barely argue and he helps me with the kids..
He barely talks to me, only when it’s regarding our kids or home? Or only when he wants to talk about something. Every time I try to have a conversation with him like just wanting to know how his day was I get shut down or he replies with small talk but most of the time he ignores me. He only hugs/cuddles me when I ask him, but lately when he does my heart just aches cause it doesn’t feel genuine but it feels like he’s forcing himself. So I stopped asking. Only time he wants to is when he wants sex..

I’ve confronted him a handful of times asking him how does he feel, I’ve told him how I feel.. he always apologises and starts acting as if everything is okay for a couple days then things go right back to how they were.
but last night was literally the tip of the ice burg for me 😭 he said to me “You’ve talked about this so many times it’s starting to be annoying”.

Where do I go from here? I feel stuck. I’ve never done anything to hurt him, I take care of our house and kids and help with bills. My partner and kids have always been my first priority.


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Answers (5)

I've been the one on the other side (your husbands side) but I can't guarantee its the same thing going on. I went through a stage where I just felt in a rut. I wasn't in love and I wasn't out of love, I didn't hate my kids but I didn't want to be around them, I just felt stuck in one place. Like everything is just the same thing day in day out, every single day. No spice to life, and nothing just for me. I just wasn't happy with how my life was going. It sent similar ripples through our marriage that really upset my husband. I had to work on me, and find something for me to help me be happy again. Maybe for your husband its that he's unable to go out and be with people or see friends (depending on your covid situation). There is the "seven year itch" as they call it that does usually work itself out. I know you've asked him about your realtionship,but have you asked him how he's feeling about himself? Whats going on in his mind? Is he okay? So just putting the marriage part to the side for a sec and finding out how he's doing as his own individual person. Sometimes I think we focus so much on how we are as a couple, we forget that we are 2 seperate individuals. So your marriage could be completely fine and in no danger, but as a single party you could be going through something tough. I hope that helps, it's tough for sure.

Maybe it is "starting to get annoying" because he didn't think there was an issue.
Or maybe he's just so comfortable with his life now he doesn't see it is an issue.
But if you're unhappy you need to decide if you want to work on yourself, the marriage, or if you even want to stay.
However maybe you need to do some things for you, make friends, hobbies, gym etc. Things that will help fulfill you so you're not relying on your husband to fulfill everything.. If that makes sense? I'm not great with words lol

 I thought you were good 💛
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 Op here!

You definitely are right, over the period of making this post my partner and I sat down and had a chat... he said that he’s never had a problem and that I was over thinking things and reassured me that everythin

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 Was okay. I’ve always been an over thinker 🥺

I’d love to do things for myself but with hubby working long hours a day I always leave him be once he gets home, let him rest. I have so many family members but unfortunately none that want to help so I don’t ask.. my kids are only 2&3 so I only get me time when they are asleep 😌

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I hear you, my daughter hasn’t been sleeping well during Covid so I sleep with her every other night. I said to my husband why is it when I sleep with her you are in bed by 9pm but when I’m there you wait until midnight is it because you don’t want to talk to me ? And he looked sheepishly and admitted it.

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Don’t give up on your marriage just yet. Try counseling. He may be depressed. You never know.

 Giving up wasn’t an option, I just felt stuck but thank you for your comment!

Since this post my partner and I worked things out and all is good, I tend to overthink all the time. He’s been opening up more he mostly was just always exhausted from work

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 So good to hear. My husband is the same. So exhausted from work and it can feel a bit isolating at times. I try to just be there for him. If I need something from him, I tell him directly but with the understanding that he may not be able to at that time.
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I think you should try couples counselling if he is willing.

 Since this post things have gotten a lot better, but I will keep this in mind thank you!
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