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How long did it take for you to negotiate a parenting plan? My partner has been in negotiations with his ex for 7 months. They are healthy, happy children who have no issues and do well in school and have several out of school activities each they both enjoy. They have agreed on access timing and 95% of the points but she is insisting on a point being included that states "provide a safe and nurturing environment" and both us believe that it far too open to interpretation and that she only intends to manipulate the point to gain some advantage over the final parenting plan. I dont want to go into the whole story but she has not conducted herself above board and in the most honest way going through these proceedings and we have real cause for concern that she has some sort of hidden agenda. I would love to hear if anyone is going through the same thing or has worked out a parenting plan with their ex and what it entailed and how long it took. Thanks!

My partner and his ex have been separated for 4 years and she requested the parenting plan be reviewed in January when he asked her for a divorce and financial settlement. Its now nearly the end of July and the Parenting Plan is still being "negotiated". She stormed out of mediation and refuses to engage in that process. She is refusing to address the financial settlement or divorce until the Parenting Plan is finalised.


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Answers (10)

Use the General clauses used by judges I can post if you like.

 3. That except as otherwise stated, the parents are to have equal shared parental responsibility for the major long term issues of the children.

4. That the parents are to consult with each other about decisions to be made in the exercise of their equal shared parental responsibility and shall make a genuine effort to come to a joint decision. They are not, however, required to consult with each other about the daily care of the children. The types of decisions about which parents are required to inform and consult include but are not limited to:
4.1 changing the name of a child;
4.2 relocating the residence of a child so that existing parenting arrangements become impractical;
4.3 changing the school of a child; and
4.4 any significant medical intervention for a child.

helpful (3) 
 That notwithstanding the provisions of Orders 3 and 4 above:
a) the MOTHER shall be responsible for the daily care, welfare and development of the children when the children are living with or spending time with her; and
b) the FATHER shall be responsible for the daily care, welfare and development of the children when the children are living with or spending time with him.

helpful (3) 
 This the legal terminology for what she is seeking. Propose this. If she doesn’t agree get a certificate and proceed to court. Also use the fact she is agreeing for time etc with consideration to her false rape allegations. Use other cases of mothers faking rape. I can provide you extra evidence to use also.

I hate how people try to lie and make life difficult

helpful (3) 
 Thank you! That was very helpful!
helpful (0) 

How dare the mother of these kids want it set in stone that her kids are nurtured in a safe environment. F**k off with your meddling 😣

 Hard to believe some mothers are vindictive & will use the children to cause trouble. Not all mothers are on the up & up.
helpful (3) 

Can you just go to court? Isn't that what happens when mediation doesn't work?

Stay out of it.

 I only support what my partner wants and given we live together and my work schedule is going to be changing to accomodate school pick ups and drop offs ... "Staying out of it" is utterly ridiculous. It would be all round easier for me if he just agreed to one weekend a fortnight, but it is not what he wants and he doesn't want to agree to points that will later be used against him in some attempt to have his time with his children lessened by fraudulent accusations - which she seems to engage in when she doesn't get her own way.
helpful (1) 

Just agree. None of it is much enforceable anyway. Once she gets a new partner it will all be moot

I'd probably storm out of mediation too if my rapist was there.

  Who wants to make nice with a rapist?!!
helpful (0) 

I don't see a problem with "provide a safe and nurturing environment". I would be happy for it. Everything is open to interpretation and if she tries manipulating anything then common sense will prevail. Maybe you're being a touch paranoid.

 She has lied about my partner raping her on several occasions and had her daughter make false accusations about a cousin that were later found out when the daughter disclosed what her Mum coached her on.
Not paranoid.
And common sense throughout this entire process has not prevailed sadly. I had read all correspondence and throughout all of it she frequently writes 1-3 pages of how pissed off and victimised she is and then gets to the parenting plan. She has added and then taken back so many points. To say the negotiation has been chaotic and vindictive would be an understatement.

helpful (1) 
  Maybe he did rape her.
helpful (0) 

Sorry, but the issue here seems to be u... the whole story sounds like ur the problem with all ur whinging. Negotiations have stalled as u & ur partner aren’t agreeable to a simple clause that’s for the benefit of the children.

 No one cares Brenda.
helpful (0) 
 Why ask then if u really just want people to agree with u?
helpful (0) 

Either ask for a elaboration or just agree to it.
"Provide a safe a nurturing environment" should come as standard
If she can use it for an open interpretation then so can you

It concerns me a bit that you don't want to be glued into a contract that ensures you keep your children safe and nurtured...

I also agree with the comment above, stay out of it.

 Its got nothing to do with having that point locked in if it was done with the best interest of the children in mind. And they have been separated for 4 years and the children have been in a safe and nurturing environment complaint free for 4 years without it written in a parenting plan....
Have asked for elaboration and she wont say it encompasses anything specific or give even a written definition of what that point will encompass.

helpful (1)