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My 12 year old daughter doesn’t want to visit her dad when it’s her period and doesn’t want dad to know the reason

How would you handle the situation?


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Answers (8)

Why doesn't she want to? I would explain to her that periods are part of life. About 12 or more a year, that's alot of time to miss out with dad. If she doesn't want to go - you or her need to tell him the truth. You can't lie up to12 times a year. I'm sure he would understand but I'm sure he would be hurt too. But by talking to dad you might be able to come to a compromise or sort out a few things to help her stay be a little more comfortable eg bin in her room, a little more privacy, a bit of understanding if she's lethargic or not up for physical activities, and if she goes make sure she has a period kit including a heat pack, plenty of pads/tampons/liners/nappy bags, block of chokkie, do not disturb door sign, dark coloured towel, lots of knickers etc

 I’m sure dad would be more than accomodating and supportive.
helpful (2) 

Speak to dad, keep it discreet and encourage your daughter. No reason for her not to attend.

Definately tell the dad. I’m sure he’d understand. If you don’t give him a reason he’s going to think you’re withholding her from him and it can cause big arguments. Be honest.

by not sending her all you are doing is enhancing embarrassment around it between men and women. I get that it's awkward or uncomfy but it's part of life and she still needs to bond and have a connection with her dad. Promise you won't tell dad and tell her keeping secrets means he is MORE likely to find out... the only reason he MAY find out about her period is by in fact hiding and NOT going over there. Tell her the secrecy leads to more questions and queries...eventually he would ask questions and possibly seek legal advice as to why you are withholding her because he actually loves her and wants to have a relationship with her... and eventually you'd have to spill the beans to him that she has her period and that's the reason. Tell her it's therefor better to just go over there, act as normal as possible, and he'd have NO idea whether she is on her period or not. Then secretly tell Dad so he can be prepped with bin liners etc. dark towels etc. Give her pointers e.g. pack her a towel of her own, or she might back an extra towel to sleep on if she is worried about leaks. Send her with tissues, wipes and a disposable zip lock bag or some old shopping bags so if she needs to wrap and seal / stash her pad for an hour or so until she can get it in a bin without being awkward, it's wrapped away in there and won't present as an extreme hygiene issue if it's only hidden away for a short period of time until she is clear to dump it. Old shopping bags or something means she can walk to the bin as though she is throwing something general away, or you can use them to hide the pads in in the bin, if she is worried about exposed pads etc.

I can totally relate, as I was exactly in the same boat, but my mother just blurted it out to him and made me go. It was so embarrassing that I avoided him all weekend and for a couple of weekends after. But I got over it. Of course I'd definitely not recommend doing the same as Mom did, but much later I realized that it was good that he knew why I was being awkward. It could have put a greater strain on our relationship. I just would have liked Mom to be more discreet about it. As he is her other parent he needs to know what's going on with her. Especially because father and daughter relationships are so fragile at that stage. A lot of damage can be caused if one is not careful.

Speak to dad about it and sort out a compromise. She might feel uncomfortable spending the night, so maybe they could just do a daytime thing on those weekends, and dad could play along with the “sleepover” she has with her friends or the “family arrangements” early the next morning. Get him to put some paper bags in the toilet with a bin, if she would be comfortable with it even get him to put some pads in the bathroom for “just in case as she is at that age now”, neither of you need to tell her the truth of why he is doing these things. I remember at that age feeling very uncomfortable staying with my dad when I had my period, a lot of hiding pads and taking them back to my mum’s house to throw them away. It’s not like my dad shamed me or did anything, but it was just awkward.

 I agree I would just do day visits.
helpful (0) 
 Her period happens 24 hours a day is no different to night. A court will never let you do that
helpful (1) 

Tell him that she doesn't feel comfortable going to his has when she has her periods. It is up to him to change that if he wants her to visit. He would probably be pleased he doesn't have to deal with it.

It's pretty personal and embarrassing. Just tell her dad she doesn't want to come over for girl reasons and let her know its not the end of the world. Maybe use it as a reason for mum daughter pamper time.