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Is it disrespectful to be choked during sex?

Answered 13 days ago

Recently my boyfriend of less than 6 months has started to push hard, without my consent, to choke me during sex. I don’t know if to speak up or let it go. I was in a abusive relationship for many years and fear this is a red flag. Thoughts?


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ANSWER
13 days ago
After going through something similar. It's a no go for me. I freak out now and it's a totally a mood killer.
Speak up and talk to each other. His not a mind reader and communication is best always.
Set limits and boundaries and biuld the trust. If the behaviour doesn't change after communication then yes it's a red flag..

ANSWER
13 days ago
Use those red flags to fly away from his abusive ass.

ANSWER
14 days ago
Speak up! You've only been together for 6 months and he already wants to choke you. If you don't speak up about this what's next, whips and chains?!

ANSWER
14 days ago
Some people enjoy being choked during sex, however, communication, boundaries and consent are very important. If you are not okay with something he should respect that.

ANSWER
14 days ago
It's a double decker red bus never mind a red flag! Choke you during sex????? Killer in the making, unhinged behaviour

ANSWER
14 days ago
In a respectful relationship consent would have been sought before such an act. As this did not happen it is now up to you to speak up and have that conversation now. If you don’t like it and don’t want it to happen again then set that boundary!

ANSWER
14 days ago
No its not okay for him to push without your consent. If this I something he wishes to explore with you, than he needs to start at the beginning. It all comes down to communication, respect and trust. As well as good education.

ANSWER
14 days ago
Tell him your both adults if he brushes it off or reacts bad kick him to the curb, hopefully he’s just getting a little carried away in the throws of passion and is supportive

ANSWER
14 days ago
Follow your gut, if it feels like a red flag it is!!
Don’t doubt yourself.

ANSWER
14 days ago
Get out now!!

ANSWER
14 days ago
If he had discussed it with you then no worries but the fact that he hasn't and is just doing it and you sound like you are worried to say something sends alarm bells to me. I was also in an abusive relationship for 10 years. What I learnt from dating again was when I felt like it was a red flag I had to follow my gut and get out. Abusive relationships erode your confidence and that sticks with you for a long time afterwards. Trust what your gut is saying

ANSWER
14 days ago
I like it. It makes me cum. Obviously if you're not into it, you're not into it

ANSWER
14 days ago
In my opinion I feel this is totally disrespectful and bordering on abuse. I would talk to him about it and if it happens again I'd be packing his stuff into garbage bags and throwing them in the gutter along with him 😡

ANSWER
14 days ago
My hubby and I like him to be a bit bossy sometimes during sex. But it's consentual. Also I feel that it would be a bit confronting for him to just do that without any prior conversation. Definitely have a chat to him about what your comfortable with. But I don't think that it is a sign that he is going to be abusive.

ANSWER
14 days ago
Hmm,
He might just think it's a bit kinky & be trying to see if u like it?
Honestly, just talk with him?
If your adult enough to be having sex, then you should be able to have conversations about it (at least that something makes you uncomfortable, i get its not the easiest convo for everyone).
Maybe just try saying something like ....
"hey, so I love when you kiss me here (something positive), however, I'm not really enjoying or ready for the choking stuff, can we try something else?"

If he does it again after you have made it clear that you don't like it, then dump his ass x

ANSWER
14 days ago
You say without your consent. That is a red banner, not a flag. Speak up and if he ignores you, it is then assault and you leave. Otherwise it will escalate.

ANSWER
14 days ago
Sorry, but I have a big problem with all of this. There are actually a ton of studies done and I participated in data analysis on one for my Psychology Masters. Any sort of violence consensual or not during lovemaking is on some level eluding to mental health issues that need to be addressed. I also include violent BDSM and all that false intimacy violence based sexual activities. Please ask your partner to seek help and if you enjoy violence during sex yourself, go and get help as well. Often people that partake create a trained normalised reality and/or have serious underlying issues they are unaware of. You or they may have trained yourself to enjoy it or even be able to rationalise it, but unfortunately, no matter if you want to hear this or not, you need to look into it. I know porn and media has normalised it somewhat, but it's not. Yes, there are some sexual acts that are harmless (providing consent and respect), maybe a powerplay, or just dirty fun e.g. Anal, Cumming on the face, etc etc but violence (choking, bruising, face slapping, hitting, marking, rape fantasy etc) is telling that you or they need help. On the topic of consent, consent should never assumed, he should have asked first, most men don't have any idea on this however in the moment (primal urge has set in). However you need to open up dialogue to talk about boundaries. The "I like, I don't like" conversation will help set the course of consent or not.

ANSWER
15 days ago
Respect in the bedroom is about communication. If it is something you dont like and you have communicated this to him then yes it is very disrespectful.

A lot of people would feel that a woman cheating on her husband is disrespectful but my husband encourages (almost begs) me to sleep with other men. So when I have sex with other guys it is not disrespectful.

I have tried anal sex quite a few times and hate it. I have told my husband this. If he was to do it with out asking that would be disrespectful.

Some women think a man cumming on their face is disrespectful. I happen to really enjoy it, so when my husband or another partner cums on my face it is not disrespectful.

I do not like having my head held down when I'm giving oral sex and I will politely tell someone that if the do it. If they do it after I have told them not to then it is disrespectful.

So basically it's about what you like and enjoy along with what you have communicated to your partner(s). If you havent said anything to him he can't possibly know you don't like it and maybe isn't doing it out of disrespect as much as he assuming you don't mind or you enjoy it.

ANSWER
15 days ago
RED FLAG esp when you guys didn’t discuss it before hand ! I say speak up..

ANSWER
16 days ago
I love it, my partner doesn’t feel comfortable doing it so we go with him pulling my hair . As soon as he realised how much it turns me on to pull my hair he has no problem doing this, it’s often an indicator he is about to come as he knows it will make me come.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Being choked during sex isn’t something that people ‘let go’. Seek a therapist who can help you with your boundaries. This person is using you to gratify themselves in a violent manner. The act of choking during intercourse needs to be consensual, or it is sexual assault. It could be discussed outside the bedroom (before sex happens again) but even if given beforehand, consent can be withdrawn at any time. .
If you are unable to discuss it and give consent before sex, you can also tell the guy to stop during sex while he’s choking you. If you feel unable to do either of these things, please could you seek a way to get out of the relationship while getting support from friends and family. Unless you’re totally comfortable with being choked. Who knows what this guys fantiasies are, maybe killing you.

ANSWER
1 month ago
I dont get how this works - even consensually. Doesnt it bruise and leave questionable marks??

Replies

REPLY
1 month ago
I’ve never had a bruise left on my neck, sometimes red marks that usually fade in 10-15 mins.

ANSWER
1 month ago
Not disrespectful to be chocked during sex but if you don’t like that you need to speak up and say something. If you don’t consent to something and he continues to do it/try do it that’s when it is disrespectful and is assault like the other comment said.

ANSWER
SAHM STAFF
1 month ago
SAHM STAFF
If it is something you don't want then definitely speak up and say that you don't want it. If he does it to you without your consent, at the very least it's assault or bordering on sexual assault.