View other questions

Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Neighbours constantly yell at kids..

Answered 4 months ago

Our neighbours constantly yell. We live in very quiet and well off neighbourhood. New family moved in two doors down few months ago. They yell at their kids all the time. You can hear them yelling at kids. Mainly the mother. Kids fighting with each other in the backyard, crying etc. Other than that you dont see them much and they keep to themselves. Ive seen the mother in the car with the kids, driving out of the street yelling at them like crazy. What the hell? Should i say something? Report it?

Have an answer?

2000 characters left.

Answers

ANSWER
7 months ago
OP you are being really judgmental here and are out of order. What you are describing is a parent that has recently undergone a big life change (moving house) with two small toddlers in tow. When they fight she yells at them not to. So what?!? How dare you go in and intervene in someone else’s life and make it seem like you are doing it out of the goodness of your heart. Like someone else on here said, I think you are annoyed because it’s ruining your idea of a ‘perfect’ street. You sound like a meddler - butt out. Go and get a hobby and leave this family alone. What you are describing is not a problem. The parents don’t argue, the Mum only yells at the kids not to fight etc, they are happy and well looked after (by your own admission). Go and find something else to whine about and leave your neighbors alone. Oh and by the way, several people have asked if you have your own children and you have ignored them. Why is that? Do you have kids? Let me guess, they are so perfect and that they never fight???

REPLY
11 months ago
First of all, I have kids and grandchildren and I have never yelled like that at them. My children never speak to their children like that. There is no need to yell at little ones. I can hear them from my backyard, I walk my dog past their house at least twice a day. It is distressing for me to hear her shout at them, followed by crying etc. I can not say for sure she doesn’t hit them. Strange parenting style in my opinion. I thought maybe for kids sake I could get social services to check up on them or something like that. Not to mention it is annoying for our family. It is very quiet and beautiful suburb, no need to ruin it for others with behaviour like that. I think it is very selfish. Sounds like most people here think it is acceptable behaviour and healthy way of raising kids. That’s not much help for me. Thank you anyway. Might drop a note in their mailbox.

REPLY
11 months ago
Notes are cowardly. If you don't have the courage to knock on her door and say something then don't do anything.

If you do drop a note, expect the noise to escalate. They'll be humiliated and offended.

At some point you'll have to accept you don't own the suburb. You are also no better than anyone else so cut the upper class rubbish.

REPLY
11 months ago
OP, how long ago did they move in? Maybe it’s just taking the kids a while to adjust and things will quieten down once they’ve been in the house for a while longer. It can take kids up to a year to adjust to a new environment. Have you actually introduced yourself to the family? Maybe if you go and knock on their door and tell them that you are home a lot and notice that things get a little loud they will take the hint and try to be quieter? Go over and introduce yourself if you haven’t already and you’ll be able to tell if they are nice (but tired) parents as I suspect is the case...

REPLY
11 months ago
The lady who has never yelled at her kids or grandkids- you and your family must be angels lol or your husband did the yelling, or you were a smacker..... I’m not saying that yelling should be a go to strategy, but sometimes it happens out of pure frustration... Not all of us are perfect, it doesn’t mean we should have our kids taken away.....

REPLY
9 months ago
Maybe hers are angels. Mine are. I’ve never yelled at them.

REPLY
9 months ago
If you really have kids and grandkids you will know toddlers cry at the drop of a hat. My son cried today because I wouldnt let him put a book in the dishwasher.

REPLY
7 months ago
Yelling on its own is not abuse- it is not illegal, and I doubt anything would be done about it if you made a report. If she is yelling nasty things at them, that could be considered abuse. For example, yelling “stop fighting” or “put your shoes on and hurry up and get in the car!” is not abuse (probably not great parenting, but not abuse). Yelling “I hate you and I wish you were never born” or “get in the car you f$&@ing c$&t” is definitely abuse. I wouldn’t leave a note- all that will do is humiliate her. If you are really concerned for them, invite the whole family over for afternoon tea and then you might get a feeling for what they are like. Hope my neighbours aren’t as judgy as you! My daughter has adhd and yells quite often, I always hope the neighbours don’t think it is me 😂

REPLY
5 months ago
Parenting is hard I have three I don’t like yelling I get so sad when I do and it hurts me to even be strict with discipline with my kids but from experience I have kids that have a high low temperament and therefore I struggle.

If you really did want to help, the suggestion of leaving a note with referral of help services is a nice gesture or even a note expressing you’re concern but to call the cops, and any other service without chatting to them seems a bit far fetched unless you’ve seen or heard basis I’ve name calling or hitting.

I’m a mother of three a 6,5and four year old it’s tough and yes I put my foot down all the time and yell if I have two when you’re dealing with difficult situations you have to show who the parent is.

I feel like I can go on about this to be honest!

But woman are so critical and some men toward each other, we should be asking if we can help and we should out instead of giving the evil eye like my neighbour does and they live in a family of five adults with a one year old and the same with the neighbours around me 😂🥰

It’s funny so many judges people ready to think the worse rather then coming on here for advise juast reach out I’m sure she’s not going to yell at you 🤣

🤍&✌🏼☮️ = 😃🥰🌏

REPLY
4 months ago
It’s a b u s e weather you chose to “butt out” or not.

ANSWER
4 months ago
OP, are you in Melbourne? I think the situation with lockdown may be adding to parental stress there...

ANSWER
4 months ago
People seem to be forgetting that we are living in seriously stressful times with COVID. Sounds like this Mum needs a hand or a break! OP, if you are concerned just pop over and say hi and see what is going on for yourself.

ANSWER
4 months ago
I wish we lived in a world where people supported one another instead of judging them. OP, why don’t you just knock on your neighbours door and check if they need some help with anything? Or just introduce yourself and be kind generally to see if it helps things.

ANSWER
4 months ago
I think the vast majority of responses here have been very reasonable, but some people seem to be jumping to major conclusions.

ANSWER
6 months ago
Call the police. I grew up in a household where my mother was constantly yelling and it has affected my life massively. No child needs to be put through this abuse. And YES, it IS ABUSE!

REPLY
6 months ago
I’m sorry, but I think you need to see a therapist. You cannot put your issues on to a stranger, particularly when we only have one side of the story! Do not assume that a stressed mum raising her voice and asking her kids not to fight is the same as what you experienced as a child. Your response is based on your own upbringing - not an unbiased, rational view of the situation.

Also, you are now an adult and responsible for your own happiness. Blaming your parents won’t make your life better. Go and get help and focus on strategies to improve your own life.

REPLY
4 months ago
Screaming at your kids at the top of your lungs where neighbors two doors down can hear it, along with thumping noises going on with it, is distressing and alarming to the neighbors around the house...I know that none of us are perfect, but at some point it does become abusive...it is psychologically, emotionally damaging to children to be treated this way on a regular basis...it is not normal or balanced and if the parent/parents lose control that easily then one of several things needs to happen...intervention, approaching the home during an episode and asking if there is something that you could do to help...this will give you an opportunity to possibly observe the children to see if it also includes physical abuse. Reporting it to a domestic violence/child abuse agency to confirm the safety of the children, and perhaps reporting it to the police, after so many calls, a judge may get involved and require parenting classes and additional resources to help the parent that is either overwhelmed or out of control...By ignoring this the futures of the children are already endangered and this is the type of thing that will continue to be perpetuated generation by generation, and some of the children may take it further by following the road to extreme violence or worse. I do not think that anyone should a hero, but absolutely follow your heart and think about what the children must be feeling...fear, pain, hopelessness. These types of situations can easily escalate to more violent episodes, why wait until something REALLY bad happens...I am not a busy body, but if somebody is struggling that hard with parenting they need help before it's too late for the parent as well as the children...or pets!...It is absolutely ABUSE!

ANSWER
7 months ago
Are you my neighbour? 🧐. Honestly this could be me or any number of my friends with kids. Kids are allowed to fight and cry in their own backyard, stop being so judgy lol

REPLY
7 months ago
Do you yell at them 24/7 ? Do your kids scream and fight everyday outside?

REPLY
5 months ago
The yelling is 24/7? Riiiiigght...

REPLY
4 months ago
If you're yelling at your kids then maybe you should rethink your parenting strategy.

REPLY
4 months ago
We are living in very difficult times with a pandemic. I think people need to stop judging each other and offer kindness instead.

ANSWER
6 months ago
How about you see if she may need help. Parenting is the hardest job ever, she's obviously stressed our that her kids are being naughty. It's not like she gets up on a morning and says to herself how many times shall I yell at the kids today.

REPLY
6 months ago
Now this is a reasonable response! Well done to this poster!

ANSWER
7 months ago
Where is the OP of this article?? OP, can you update us?? Did you talk to your neighbors???

REPLY
7 months ago
Op here,
No I didn’t say or do anything. They are still loud and yelling a lot. I just shut my windows and don’t spend much time in the backyard. So annoying. Horrible parenting and noisy, obnoxious kids.

REPLY
7 months ago
OP, maybe cut them a bit of slack. Kids yelling is normal and it’s pretty unfair to call them obnoxious, they are just kids. Parents getting fed up happens too. If it bothers you so much why don’t you do something? They can’t fix a problem that they don’t know about afterall. Are they your next door neighbors, I thought you said they’d moved in down the road and if they were down the road surely you wouldn’t be able to hear them in your backyard?

REPLY
7 months ago
OP, what are the parents like? Have you ever had a conversation with them? Maybe the kids are bad sleepers and they are exhausted? Or maybe the parents both work really long hours in challenging jobs and are struggling with their patience?

ANSWER
7 months ago
I love how you pretend to care and suggest that calling Social services might be a good idea, are u off your head. That’s an evil thing to do, what sort of person are you. Get a hobby turn your tv up and mind your business for gods sakes

ANSWER
8 months ago
Where is the OP?? OP?? Did you end up saying anything to your neighbors??

REPLY
8 months ago
I agree. OP, you asked for opinions and haven’t told us what happened? Can you update us?

ANSWER
8 months ago
Any updates OP?💜

ANSWER
8 months ago
Any updates OP?💜

ANSWER
8 months ago
I am one of these parents, yes we yell and are loud occasionally, we are just loud people. We love and care for our kids, but as most of you probably know, toddlers and small children go through the most awful stages and constant carrying on from them really wears a person down! Op my advice to you is, mind your own business.

REPLY
11 months ago
Good on you for writing this post. I agree 100%

REPLY
9 months ago
We are the same. We have 4 kids so its already noisey and we Italian which means we all try to talk over the top of each other haha.

REPLY
8 months ago
hard to mind your own business when "just loud people's" is being shoved in your face on a daily basis. Have some consideration for other people.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Maybe they are just renting and will move out soon. In the meantime, just ask them to keep the noise down. Bedtime with toddlers can be really tough and some households are louder then others. Not trying to sound racist, but is the mum European? I grew up with Italian neighbors and they were SO LOUD!! 😂

REPLY
11 months ago
I think she actually might be 🤔

REPLY
11 months ago
Hahaha! Maybe the mum is just a loud person and can’t help it! I grew up in a big, loud family and couldn’t be quiet if I tried!!! What you’re describing sounds annoying to me, but not really problematic. Ask them to be more considerate of their neighbours or buy yourself some headphones...

REPLY
11 months ago
This is so racist!!!!

REPLY
11 months ago
What difference does it make if the Mum is European?? She is yelling at her kids to stop fighting - what parent hasn’t done this?? OP I think you are causing dram where there is none. You have said that she yells “all the time”. Is this really the case? What do you do, sit outside her house listening all day? I sincerely doubt that you can hear her yelling from inside your house if she lives two doors away - she would have to be bellowing at the top of her lungs!!!

REPLY
8 months ago
^Im Italian and Italian families are normally loud just talking. Thats the difference

ANSWER
11 months ago
Children are young, 2-3 youngest , 4-5 and looks like early primary oldest . It’s constant yelling at kids, kids crying, kids fighting. It’s usually just before I am assuming going to bed , goes quiet after 30 - 40 min. Not every night but a lot. Various times during the day. It’s annoying and doesn’t seem normal. Occasionally I get it. That’s just about every day. Yelling is telling kids to be quiet and to stop carrying on kind of yelling. A bit ironic. Never heard parents arguing. It all seems directed at the kids.
I see them walking, riding bikes etc. seem happy and well looked after. The yelling can’t be good or healthy for them. Seems like abuse to me.

REPLY
11 months ago
It sounds like there aren’t that many families with children on your street to be honest...most streets with lots of kids aren’t very quiet! Have you met the family/ mum? Could you just strike up a conversation and talk to her and ask her how she’s going? When you see her in the street, does she seem kind and friendly? Maybe she is just exhausted...If the children look well looked after and happy and the yelling is mainly her asking them to stop fighting with each other etc. it certainly doesn’t sound at all sinister to me. You haven’t said much about the dad? How does he behave?

If you don’t want to have a conversation, maybe you could put a note in the mailbox asking them to keep the noise down? Sorry to say, families with kids are often noisy and what your describing doesn’t sound at all unusual to me. It does sound like it is disturbing you though, so definitely leave them a note - even an anonymous one asking them to keep it down.

REPLY
11 months ago
What suburb and state are you in? I wonder if we have the same neighbors...?

REPLY
11 months ago
I’m in Qld.
The father is around. I see him with kids, waking, bikes etc. both parents seem pleasant enough. I mainly hear the mother, although he can scream too.
The noise is unpleasant, but I am more worried for the kids. That kind of parenting can’t be good for them and has to be more or less abusive?

REPLY
11 months ago
I don’t really understand though. If the kids are fighting and she is yelling at them to stop fighting that isn’t abuse. It’s not good parenting, but it isn’t abuse. You sound like a very kind person to be so concerned, do you have children of your own? Could you just offer her a kind ear or some advice? Maybe she is very lonely and needs a friend?

REPLY
11 months ago
You’re 100% correct it’s not normal and those who think it is are probably abusing their own kids. I don’t think parents realise how bad constant yelling and screaming is for children, it causes huge amounts of stress and can be considered abusive of done often. I’d be concerned too, I live in a very wealthy suburb near the city....it’s full of children but I never hear any yelling just happy kids playing loudly that’s it, sometimes kids arguing but that’s about it.

REPLY
11 months ago
I disagree, yes yelling is not ideal but I don’t think anyone here can be telling you this is abuse if they were not there. I know a wonderful wonderful parent, who yells at her kids (constantly if they act out which one of these does as he has behavioural issues . In fact I know a few parents with kids not he autism spectrum who have been ostracised by others because they have to yell at their kids to override them ) and the kids are the happiest, most loved kids in the world. You don’t know these people - you really don’t, it sounds like you have never even spoken to them! You are understandably wanting it to be a perfect street if you have your mortgage and all, but I think this is silly to be implying it is more. This is not neglect, sexual or physical abuse. Verbal abuse is if it is more insidious and vicious which you are not describing either. Honestly- go talk to them and get to know them, offer a coffee. It’s testing for so many normally, thrown in self isolation!

REPLY
8 months ago
So is it 'constant' yelling, or yelling just before bed?

ANSWER
11 months ago
I had a similar problem, my previous neighbour would scream at her children in the most vile horrendous way, calling them cunts and all sorts of things, she would wake my kids up at night with her screaming and often her younger children could be heard screaming and crying all day and it sounded as though she was leaving them in their rooms alone like that and not doing anything to attend to the children. At times we’d be sitting in our lounge room or eating dinner and out of no where the most frightening vile agressive screaming would occur, everyone in my house would withdraw in fear, even me, when friends came over they couldnt believe what we (and her children) were living with. One time i saw her drag her 11 years old from the car to the house by her hair, another time i saw her punch her 8 year old in the face.

I called the police, they told me there is nothing they can do, there is no law against verbally abusing your children, they noted the violence i saw but to my knowledge nothing was done about it. I called the police not just because her behaviour was impacting my family and i but because i had genuine fears about the safety of her kids. I was shocked to find out the police could and would not do anything.

They moved eventually and the whole street celebrated, but i always wonder about those kids, and am pretty disgusted that the law (never mind what you hear) did nothing, i always expect to hear about her kids dying alone in some filthy room somewhere, very sad state of affairs.

REPLY
11 months ago
No offense but what the OP posted and the situation you are describing above sounds completely different. Threatening your children is never, ever ok. Getting frustrated and yelling at them to stop fighting isn’t right, but I suspect it’s a pretty normal parental reaction.

REPLY
11 months ago
Wow, what a ridiculous response. You live in a wealthy suburb and all you can every hear is children playing happily?!? Really?? I’m sorry, but having money and living in a wealthy suburb so doesn’t make you a better parent or family. You are very judgmental to make this call.

REPLY
11 months ago
I once had a neighbour like this she grew up on the streets and was always screaming and swearing at her kids, her kids would steal any chance they get and lie to get other neighbourhood kids in trouble, once my son (who was 10 at the time) was playing with her son in a nearby field throwing mud at each other, one of the piles of mud my son chucked accidentally got in her sons eye so he ran home crying to his mum sayingy son had done it on purpose and was ‘bullying’ when in fact they had both enjoyed the game up until that moment, she got in her car drove to where my son was and punched him in the chest, he was so afraid he ran the back way to our house and showed us the red marks, we went straight to the police and they said unfortunately because there’s no other witnesses they can’t do anything. My husband went to her house and threatened her with legal action if she ever touched our son again. I was glad when they finally moved! As were our neighbours.

REPLY
9 months ago
I live in a nice area and I was pretty sure the 15 year old boy across the road is selling marijuana (theory was then backed up my my daughter who said he sells at school too).
So wealthy neighborhood means nothing

ANSWER
11 months ago
Grab a cup of coffee, write your name and number on a card and go knock on her door. Give her the cup of coffee and the card and tell her you are there if she needs anything. She might be going through a really hard time at the moment and just needs a friend.

REPLY
11 months ago
Do not do this. It is very condescending.

REPLY
11 months ago
Also, she may not like coffee!

REPLY
9 months ago
Sucky. Don’t do this.

REPLY
9 months ago
Yeah youd probably be my least favorite neighbor

ANSWER
11 months ago
For a moment I thought you were my neighbour 🤣
Serious though, moving house with kids is a huge stress in its own. And given the current state of the world with all this social distancing business, this stress us probably multiplied a thousand times.
Considering they are new neighbours maybe drop them a kind note and say welcome to the neighbourhood. (They might be new to the area and not know anyone nearby). Let them know you’re there if they need a hand with anything. Sometimes feeling supported makes all the difference. Get to know them and come along side this mother with support and then you’ll be better placed to decide if there genuinely is anything to report.

REPLY
9 months ago
Yeah sounds like us except my kids are older, they fight a lot since CV and I have to yell over the top of them to get them to come inside etdc.


ANSWER
11 months ago
Do you live right next door to them? How can you hear them all the time from inside your house? Not trying to sound dumb, but I don’t get how you hear them all the time? Do you have adjoining walls, or are the kids and the mum always outside yelling? I have lived in my house for 15 years surrounded by heaps of kids and families and I have had loud, annoying neighbors but I could really only hear them when I was coming and going getting in and out of my car or getting the mail etc not from inside my house.. How can you can hear everything from inside your place?

REPLY
9 months ago
I hear my neighbours all day long and we are on 800sqm blocks, not on top of one another. They are just so damn loud all day. We hear the conversations ( on and off phones) and their tv and radio. And the kids are so loud, not naughty loud, just loud playing and having fun.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Are your neighbours Indian? I have two Indian families either side and they are so fricken loud. They sound aggressive when the speak but they’re not, it’s just the way they speak. It’s sounds like they are yelling “ get inside and pick up your fucking toys you little cunts.” But really they’re saying “ come inside for ten minutes kids and clean up your mess before nanna gets here”. They are the nicest neighbours but they ‘yell’ all day long.

ANSWER
9 months ago
OP, what ended up happening with your neighbors?? Did you end up saying anything?

ANSWER
9 months ago
Where are you living? Sometimes people need help, support, as they might feel a sense of not belonging and other problems. I know it is not good to yell at the children, but how many times a day i do ask to my child to do something andnit is ignored? Understand things first. Get to know the family, one of the children might have a problem.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Maybe write an anonymous letter telling her in the nicest way possible, last thing you wanna do is offend anyone

REPLY
11 months ago
I really don’t like this idea. New person arrives in neighbourhood, who is under a lot of stress, and she gets an anonymous letter. This makes the problem worse not improves it my opinion

REPLY
11 months ago
Nooooooo. My parents did the anonymous letter thing to a new neighbor about a dog barking a lot. They mentioned it a couple of neighbors who decided to do this also.

The new neighbors dropped a very polite FU letter to the neighborhood saying they didn't feel welcome & moved out. Offense was definitely taken!!

REPLY
11 months ago
I totally understand where you’re coming from, but I sound exactly like this mother although I don’t smack my children but I do growl them when needed. I don’t like confrontation I get awkward 😂 that’s just me idk.. reason I said “nicest way possible

ANSWER
11 months ago
We all yell at our kids, they yell at us. Its what happens during stressful situations and times. You have no idea the stress she maybe under or her family. If the kids are black and blue look starved by all means call police otherwise accept some people deal with stress differently. All families yell at times. I know someone who used to kick kids out of the car and start driving away for f sake.... dont judge someone else when u dont know them. She could have excruciating pain or any condition making her snappy from sleep or pain. Judging her is unfair. MYOB

ANSWER
11 months ago
Try buying the family a gift basket to welcome them into the area. Fill it with lots of fun and entertaining ideas to amuse the kids over the holidays in case it is just boredom. I know my kids argue more when they are bored. Given the amount of entertaining things that kids like to do that are closed right now, boredom is a pretty strong possibility. Think of it from the kids point of view - no parks, public pools, playcentres, libraries etc The parents might normally take the kids to do fun stuff when they argue to calm them down but everything is currently closed.

No don't report them. They sound stressed and it doesn't sound abusive. All the kids in my street are currently loud because all of the kids are stuck at home because of this lockdown.

ANSWER
11 months ago
Unless you can hear savage beatings or threats of violence, mind your own business.

ANSWER
11 months ago
What does 'well off neighborhood' have to do with it? It means nothing. That automatically gets me off side as my biggest gripe is address snobbery. Usually it just means more debt or higher rent. It doesn't magically give you better parenting skills.

To answer your question - sometimes people are exhausted, overwhelmed and unsupported. Maybe they're terrified of being judged by neighbours who expect to live in silence while being packed into suburbia like sardines. They might desperately need a break, or a friend. It's not ideal, but even I have had yelling days when I'm at breaking point. How about offering her some help or friendship instead in judging her as abusive or unfit? It's far better to be informed than speculating.

REPLY
11 months ago
^This

ANSWER
11 months ago
OP, you said the children seem happy and well looked after. I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill....it would be different if the mother was yelling nasty things at the kids, but if she is telling them to quit fighting who cares?!?

ANSWER
11 months ago
I think you need to tell them that they are being too loud. Knock on their door and talk to them or put a note under their door or in their mailbox like others have suggested.

ANSWER
11 months ago
You need to elaborate. When you say there is yelling, what sort of yelling is it? Is the mother yelling at them to stop fighting? (Not effective, but what parent hasn’t) Or is she yelling means things? Are the parents just loud, or are they fighting all the time?

I have loud neighbors, with primary school aged kids. I accept that the kids fight and make noise, it’s normal. I cal also sometimes hear the parents yelling at them to ‘Stop carrying on...’ etc. I don’t see that as problematic, it seems like a pretty normal household to me... Can you give us some more info?

ANSWER
11 months ago
How old are the children?