Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Since having my baby I HATE being touched (sexually)

I had my baby about a year ago and since then I HATE any form of sexual touching.
I still love hugs and cuddles but I absolutely hate being "played" with. I ways feel so uncomfortable and when he puts fingers "there" it feels like a pelvic exam and I want to scream. Even this morning I feel angry and violated.

What can I do please? I love my husband and I wish this could be different.


Got an Answer?

Answers (8)

Same happened to me- I found it hard for my brain to switch from Mummy mode. A trick I found works is to pretend you don’t have kids and it’s just you and your husband when you were first married- that helps a bit, but only works if you don’t hear baby crying etc. Being touched out or feeling like sex is just someone else who wants something from your body doesn’t help either. I think it’s pretty common- for me it got better once my daughter was about 3 and stopped getting into our bed etc.

 Mummy mode ? Never heard of it
helpful (0) 
 Mummy mode- you know caring for children, always thinking about their needs and wants, doing what needs to be done for the benefit of your children. I don’t feel sexy or like I want sex when I’ve been Mummy all day and then my brain is supposed to just switch over to having a desire for sex.
helpful (0) 

When i breastfeed (for 2 years reluctantly) i had an issue with this kind of thing too but it wasn't just sexual. My child was always on me & touching me, climbing on me in some I just didn't want anyone touching me in anyway. Kinda felt like my body wasn't my own anymore I was just a big milk bottle so when he didn't want any milk i just wanted my husband to leave me alone too. Everyone stop touching me! Sometimes I still do. I need my own space family. Everyone's different.

 That's how I feel. Apart form the breastfeeding. She is on me 247. And when I try and "make myself" be intimate with hubby I end up feeling violated
helpful (0) 
 You associate breastfeeding to be sexual ?

helpful (0) 

I went through this. I hated being touched as well. Really hated it. For me, it passed after about a year. In the mean time hubby got lots of blow jobs to make up for it. I I would go and see a pyschologist as suggested though.

 Sex isn’t a chore
helpful (0) 

Perhaps you should see a psychologist, they may be able to help. Try having the implanon taken out. Until i had mine removed i hadn't realised how badly it was affecting me.

 Implanon has been removed a few months ago a d waoting to see my psych.
helpful (0) 

I recently went to my doctor about something similar. Are you breastfeeding? What kind of contraception are you on?

I have the implanon and am breastfeeding, my doctor said that both are basically libido suppressors and doing/having both is basically a double whammy of no desire for sex/touching.
I’m not ready to stop breastfeeding our son yet so we are looking at taking the implanon out and going back on the pill/using condoms to see if that has any affect.

 My daughter stoped breastfeeding around 4 months. I did get the implanon but had to take it out due to it not being suitable and I can't go on anyother contraception due to the same reason so right now we aren't using anything hjong on my side. I am on no other medication that will cause this. I just hate being touched I am well and truly touched out.
helpful (0) 

I can't stand my boobs being touched after having kids and breastfeeding. My youngest is 10!

Maybe he is touching you wrong. I found the same with my husband. He has no clue about how to touch me and it did nothing for me at all. So, I find I need to tell him and be very specific. But before we even get that far, I have to be extremely turned on. So again I need to tell him how to get me there. I also find him using my vibrator on me first and sometimes showing him how I like it used on me helps enormously too

 There is nothing wrong with his touch.he can get me where I need to go. I just hate him touching me. Can stand it. And I don't do that to myself either never have the thought made me shiver
helpful (0) 

How old is your baby?

 Just over 11 months.
helpful (0)