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I would ask what jobs she does at the house because you're doing a jobs list for her and don't want her doing the same jobs at your place as well as there house. Also mention how tired she was when she got home, what time is she going to sleep/waking up. That will give you some sort of direction as to if she's doing too much, and go from there
value for child support? that's disgusting
Me exes partner is very nice to me as well, but my kids have a very different view of her. They see her behind closed doors and see her true colours, I don't. I believe what they tell me, especially after having a "nice as pie" stepmother myself. Don't ever think she's OK just because she seems nice. If something doesn't seem right to you then it probably isn't !
Definitely ask her Dad !! Where would an 11 year old get "value for child support", I would feel sick if my kids said that. Are there other children at the house ??
Thanks for all the concern I called my daughters step mum last night and she was very upset and glad I told her. She has been unwell and her mum has been looking after both the kids and thinks it probably came from her. Her mum has always been resentful over the fact step mum has to look after my daughter when she visits as dad works. I asked that can she pls not leave my daughter with her mum again I was assured that won't happen again.
I'm a step mum who was falsely accused of being very strict and saying nasty things (one example was when I supposedly said how dumb one child was in an allegedly overheard conversation). I was the parent who helped with homework, taught the kids responsibility, had 'the talk', did all the things that weren't being covered in their mothers household. Now I'm not saying AT ALL that this is the case for you, but trying to make you aware that things aren't always as they seem and it's always easier to see the step parent as the one who is lacking or doesn't come up to scratch as a parent, but it's not necessarily a fair judgement. By all means listen to your daughter, but be objective about what you hear. You will hear a lot more worse things as she gets older and struggles for getting things her own way, or sympathy attention ((this is typical adolescent behaviour so don't feel it's an attack on her). The child support comment could have come from anywhere, and while inappropriate, try not to over think it at this point. Consider things over time and if there are further questionable instances, certainly query it with both the ex and his partner. You may not like having to liaise with her but the fact is she is co-parenting your child and has the right to be involved in discussions relating to her (obviously there are financial obligations from them in support of the child which effects her too). If you feel that there is an extreme issue of which you believe she is a problem, then of course it is acceptable to approach the ex with your concerns, but remember to be practical and factual and objective. You obviously love your daughter and want her to be happy and safe, that's great, just remember the step mum might just want the same.
Being a step mum myself, if you feel uncomfortable with the remark then do bring it up with your ex and his wife. But do keep in mind it might have been taken out of context. You did say your daughter is still happy to go there. So don't go in there like a raging bull.
Now, I have my 7 yr old SDd help me with chores around the house. She has her set chores and then if I'm cleaning she'll often ask to help me. She does more at my house then at her mother's.
Her mother and I are different people and do things differently. But we have an open dialogue.
Hope you can sort it out.
Chores are one thing, making comments like that to a child is something completely different and taken out of context or not I don't think that sort of thing should be even be mentioned to a child.
From past experience my SD's mother has over reacted on some things with us and after discussing it has had to apologise.
And, I don't know about the 11yr old, but my SD is a big eavesdropper. So the remark might have been something said between the father and Step mum and been accidentally overheard?? All I'm saying is without all the facts it's not always wise to assume the worse.
So if the discussion goes ahead, approach it calmly and judge once you've heard the full story.
Something isn't right here... How does an 11 year old know about child support unless it has been told to her. So although doing the chores is not necessarily a bad thing and often times kids don't mind helping. But I would be checking in with dad and step mum without accusing them of wrong doing. I agree approach with caution but I would be asking some questions.
Dad honestly may not know what is going on but the term value for child support isn't something a child just makes up, hope you get it sorted with minimal issues but if step mum is saying things like this behind his back she will probably deny saying anything.
Maybe tell him you would like to do some mediation and have a third party talk to the child about what is happening, just say that if your daughter is making this sort of stuff up you would like to find out why as you don't want her lying about these kinds of things, on the other hand if it is true then maybe it is best if the step mother isn't alone with the child.
I had a terrible step mum when growing up, she would beat me and scratch me and say the cat did it when my dad came home. She would get me to clean the house, wash the bathrooms, do my washing, do the dishes and would never could for me when dad was on night shift. If it looks like its domestic abuse, it more than likely is. She would look sweet and friendly to other people, but to me, she would treat me like shit.
How did you go dear? How is your little girl? The poor little lamb. I hope your ex-husband was able to shed some more light on the issue, and that it's just an innocent misunderstanding
This woman sounds resentful. It all sounds like Cinderella to be honest. Please let us know how you go xx
Child abuse don't let her near the stepmother or father again