I think some people expect that thrilling, heart-racing, starry-eyed, can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other stage to last forever and go out and seek it elsewhere (with a new partner) when the initial excitement wanes. Long term love is more about trust, commitment, communication, shared goals and interests, satisfying but realistic sex life, compromise and acceptance of each others flaws. It sounds dull by comparison but it lasts, and is more fulfilling ultimately.

Op here. Thanks for all your feedback this has gone on for years, more so in last three years. Particularly bad this year. I just feel that we are now totally disconnected. Even when I give him a tight hug, the hug back I get is not deep. I bought him a fathers day gift and got a distant peck. That’s how I feel disconnected and distant and nothing there. I don’t financially depend on him, so am not sure why I’m sticking it out.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for a happy marriage

We were exactly the same it went on for years. The lack of affection and sex broke my heart. Long story short I ended up in a brief affair. When my husband found out he was devastated but understood how I got there. We are In reconciliation and it’s tough but we are both very determined to stay together and work harder to meet each other’s needs. We both have regrets and meeting each other’s needs seems like such an easy fix now.

Hubby and I go to bed together every night, even if we have had an argument (we talk it out before sleep OR agree to discuss in the morning) we are very open with each other - no secrets.

Get the book divorceless relationships or divorce less marriage. Great book

Close the gap! Instead of telling us what your husband is or isn’t doing..TELL HIM! That’s the first step communication. You might be suprised as he might have a list of things that make him feel like his living in an “unhappy marriage”
Talk talk talk. Having kids does change the dynamics but should not be to the point where you’re living separately under the same roof.
You both owe it to yourself to try to get somewhat back to what it used to be like. Affairs easily start from this kind of situation (speaking from experience) if you’re missing something from home it becomes so easy to seek it elsewhere to fill in the void. Good luck

I think marriage counseling may help.

I'm lucky to have a happy marriage, we talk a lot, we laugh a lot. We make the time for each other. I have learnt to compromise and also we are each others biggest support.

This is a great question you have posted, I feel similar and sometimes wonder the same thing. I also wonder if my expectation of what I think a family should function like is unrealistic