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Custody
Answered 4 years ago
So I currently have 60/40 share custody with my ex (me 60 - him 40)
I have a 6 YO Girl and a 4YO boy
I have issues with when he has them he often leaves them with his parents/family
He feeds them terribly
And my dd sleeps in his bed of a night and my ds sleeps on a fold out bed in his room
we did mediation and this was the share arrangment we agreed on but he was supposed to have them more settled as this was 6 months ago
Tell me about your experiences with court - is it worth it or should I try and say something to him again
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ANSWER
4 years ago
No it isn’t worth going again. The fold out bed is adequate and according to law his time is not your business. How can you 100% prove beyond reasonable doubt he feeds them terribly?! You aren’t there. To change anything you must meet the rice v asplund test and have extensive evidence. The children can spend time with his family it’s his time. This is not anywhere near enough to go to court and you will be deemed a vexatious litigant. I’ve never seen a case like this go well.
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REPLY
3 years ago
Girl sleeping in same bed as dad not a problem, really?! Its still not appropriate.
ANSWER
4 years ago
I feel more sorry for your son getting the fold out and daughter sharing the bed as most kids would probably rather sleep with dad!
ANSWER
4 years ago
Why would you take time off him?
He’s not leaving them alone and I imagine his family, THEIR FAMILY, are happy to see them and spend time with them. It takes a village to raise a child and limiting their access to their father and their wider family is really poor decision making.
Clearly you have an expectation about the level of care. Their farther has expectations as well. Clearly the two don’t align. Family court are not going to take time away from their father for any of the reasons you mentioned. Feeding them junk food every night is not ideal but they are being fed. They are being clothed and housed.
Are you the sort of ex who needs to control everything and parent in both houses? There needs to be a point where ex wives let dads and their kids figure it out and the only way that happens is by supporting them, being positively proactive. Maybe he’s a shit cook? Maybe they are fussy? Maybe they are pulling one over on him being fussy to get what they want to eat? Maybe he’s busy managing a family and work and all the other things that go with single parent parenting.
Court breeds animosity and the only winners are the lawyers. If your amicable I would always suggest a chat... but just that A CHAT. Not an argument or a negative shit storm pointing out that he’s a shit father because he doesn’t meet your expectations.
He’s not leaving them alone and I imagine his family, THEIR FAMILY, are happy to see them and spend time with them. It takes a village to raise a child and limiting their access to their father and their wider family is really poor decision making.
Clearly you have an expectation about the level of care. Their farther has expectations as well. Clearly the two don’t align. Family court are not going to take time away from their father for any of the reasons you mentioned. Feeding them junk food every night is not ideal but they are being fed. They are being clothed and housed.
Are you the sort of ex who needs to control everything and parent in both houses? There needs to be a point where ex wives let dads and their kids figure it out and the only way that happens is by supporting them, being positively proactive. Maybe he’s a shit cook? Maybe they are fussy? Maybe they are pulling one over on him being fussy to get what they want to eat? Maybe he’s busy managing a family and work and all the other things that go with single parent parenting.
Court breeds animosity and the only winners are the lawyers. If your amicable I would always suggest a chat... but just that A CHAT. Not an argument or a negative shit storm pointing out that he’s a shit father because he doesn’t meet your expectations.
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REPLY
4 years ago
Most of what you said I agree with, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this mother having expectations of how she wants her kids to be looked after!
REPLY
4 years ago
Expectations are not what this message is. Under the legislation she has no right to question any of the above. During the fathers time it isn’t her business unless their being neglected.
ANSWER
4 years ago
If these are your issues you would be better off discussing it with him first. There could be plenty of ways around it. If you feel like you can’t discuss it maybe look into a family counsellor to be a safe point and to help you both come to a reasonable arrangement.