This is pretty pathetic

If you want adults who need to ask permission for everything and can't make decisions for themselves then sure, treat your 18 year old step daughter like a child. And people wonder how women get stuck in abusive relationships, they are conditioned to being controlled!

Not really a parenting disagreement as she is not your daughter. She’s 18 ffs. Stop being precious. What kind of fucked up person would encourage an 18 year to move out of home for a relationship. I hope her dad sides with her on this, if not he needs to grow a pair. All your strict rules sound ridiculous! You are not the only person that lives in your home.
No doubt you would allow your own children to have boyfriends/girlfriends stay over by this age.
Lame excuse using your kids as a scapegoat... you sound butt hurt that he didn’t consult you, I can see why he didn’t

What are they exposed to exactly? Will your stepdaughter and her boyfriend be having sex in the lounge room? I’m assuming you and your husband have sex in your bed when your kids are in their beds? What are the exposed to there? I’d agree with you if she was bringing home a new guy every weekend. But he’s her steady boyfriend.

How young are your kids? If they see him in the mornings their innocent little minds probably just think he had a sleepover like school friends do. You are way over thinking this.

The age for partners sleeping over is 21 in our house. This is because my oldest son has a lovely girlfriend, and my younger son has a horrid girlfriend, will try to limit her being in the house. I wouldn't let them have girls stay over when they were younger is out of respect for the girls family. I have a absolutely no one over on Monday night rule so I can have one evening with less noise.

It is you house too and if you don't want someone sleeping over then simples. Just be aware that this will have a knock on effect. But you're right. Live by your rules under your roof or live somewhere else. Why can't they sleep at his house if it's so important. Or if they must be together overnight they can look for a place of their own. Simples.

It’s ok mum! It’s not the end of the world! What a wonderful opportunity for your children to interact and meet and share their space with a their big sister. Try see the brighter side, invite him over for dinner and make it a thing for everyone and get to know him

You sound like one of those furbaby parents who try and tell real parents how to look after children. Unless you have raised kids to adult hood you have no fricken idea. You are in for a world of hurt once your kids get older.

I feel this needs to be a consultation. Someone having the 'flexibility' to stay over can milk the situation to the point where they intrude on others. Her other kids are younger so it's nice to have family time guests all the time. I'd be less worried about the sex and more worried about you gaining an extra person for most of the week, particularly if they aren't contributing, and after all, they are adults now. Come to some agreement that if he stays (depending on how often) he is expected to contribute like the others. You aren't there to feed and wash for him like his mum. He should be appreciative that he is allowed to stay and offering with things like dishes, bins etc. if he is sitting down for family dinners with her, otherwise they go out and fend for themselves. He isn't moving in, but teenagers can milk these situations and he may be around more than you like. You still have your children to think about and they may not want some random around ALLLLLL the time. As a kid or tween / mid teen it would have eventually annoyed me if someone was around TOO much. They want to come and relax on the couch etc. too and not have it overtaken by big sis and the guy if they are openly affectionate etc. Or, set boundaries, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday nights stays - other nights are school nights, Sat is family night. Between your house, theirs, and friends, they can surely find other places to hang. AND I'd actually say that is a fair compromise and in that case I WOULD be saying bugger off if they aren't happy with that LOL

These comments make me wonder how many posters have teenage children, I really hope not. I think it sounds more like being respectful of the family than actually having sex.

I understand this ladies situation. Basically let's eliminated the new hubby and kids for a moment. In her parenting situation, she may not have permitted this. So, given that she is now in a new situation with hubby and his kids, would have appreciated the consultation. Now it's almost like because the older kids are allowed, her kids will be allowed to have the same thing happen when their turn comes around (or cause a big spat if mum says no later). Whether we think this lady is 'prudish' or not and that the kids are rooting anyway doesn't matter to me - a parenting decision was made that in one way or another immediately impacts the whole family, and sets the tone for future situations for her children - and no consultation or discussion took place. I'd imagine that if I had a hubby and step kids of varying ages I'd be hoping to sit down to have a conversation with hubby about setting general expectations etc. for ALL. Not a 'my kid your kid' thing. OR if anything came up, that it would be discussed together first so that we'd be a team on the matter and save our arguments / disagreements behind closed doors.

What did you say to your little snowflakes when you started having sleepovers all together (you & your partner) is he the only partner you have had since splitting with your kids other parent?
This is a bit ott

You’re jealous she’s getting more cock
Bet you haven’t fucked your hubby for a long time

The legal age to have sex is 16.
Trust me she doesn’t need him to sleep over for them to have sex.
I think you are overreacting.

She’s 18, definitely old enough. I assume they are not going to be shagging on the kitchen bench while your children are playing in the lounge room.
Make sure they know that pda are a no go.

Or you could just leave 50 condoms in a big bowl beside her bed to try embrass him into never returning 😉

My kids were 7/8 when my new man used to stay the night. They thought we were having sleepovers like they do with friends..

I don't have older kids, but my son's friend does (him and sister and7/9) and his mum said that the 19 year old son has his girlfriendsleepover over, or sits with dad and has a few bevvies before heading to nightclub and comes home again 4am next morning, and kids have not been at all traumatized as they are aware of older brother having a girlfriend, and aware he is "adult"

Jesus you sound like a real barrel of laughs to live with. She is 18. I doubt they’ll be getting stuck into it at the kitchen table. Ask them to be polite and respectful and mindful of the younger kids and I’m sure they’ll be fine. What an awful situation for your husband to be in - his ADULT daughter has had the respect to ask his permission and you just shut it down. I feel for your stepdaughter, husband and younger children. It’s not like she’s 12 years old.
Sounds like you have some big issues you need to deal with so you can touch base with reality a bit.

Thanks for the answers, well some of them. I have compromised that he can stay over on a Saturday night, as long as he is gone by 6 am. I couldn't get my husband to understand what a difficult position he put me in. We all talked about it and I suggested if they did want to move out her dad's units lease will be up soon do maybe they could live there. Hopefully he gets what it's like being made to be the bad guy.
And before you all tell me they should be able to sleep over all the time, my daughter isn't even allowed in her boyfriends room at his place.

I actually can not believe he didn't consider you in this decision. You are married. It's your house. So it should be a joint decision regardless of how old she is. If you feel its not appropriate then that's the rule. For all kids. So if you say no yo her you have to say no when your kids are older as well.

18 is old enough to leave home. I was out at 18 and never returned. So its doable. If she wishes to adult maybe she and her boyfriend d should move out together.

What would your decision be if there were no young children to consider?

My boyfriend was allowed to sleep over once I finished school, and my parents asked me to go on the pill (was fine by me). I was 17, he was 21, by that point together for 3 years. I think to start with he was only allowed on Friday or Saturday nights. I'd stay at his place once a week so we could go to uni together the next day as I started early and couldn't drive myself until about the middle of the year when I could get my p's.

I was the youngest though and my siblings never had long term partners so I was the first to have a partner stay over.

Daddy I am an adult can my special friend sleepover

Exposed to what exactly??? get over yourself and stop causing drama? She’s 18!!

Mind your own business

I think once they are 17/18 years old and have had a steady partner then it’s not unreasonable to expect they would want them to sleep over. Having younger kids in the house shouldn’t be an issue, having a partner is a part of life, it’s not the end of the world

How old are the youngest kids

Well if hubby is okay with that the. He should be fine paying the hotel bill each time he stays over and you and your kids leave lmao.

You husband should consult you on family issues like this situation.

However my mil made my partner and I sleep in separate rooms when we came to visit (3hr drive, lived together in our own place). It was ridiculous. Her youngest (only 5yrs younger than myself) had gf sleep over since he was 17/18 which we found an insane double standard. It was about control for her, so we didn’t visit much, her loss. Don’t be her. Be better. Talk to your husband about family decisions and how you need to be involved in those decisions. He sounds pretty reasonable, good luck, genuinely.

Take your you get kids away for the night and have a really expensive mini holiday away!

Do you feel the boyfriend is a bit dodgy? Because that's significant here. If he's a nice guy and becoming part of your family, perhaps relaxing some of the guest rules in his case.
But if you have a funny feeling about him around your younger kids, that's a bit different.
Your husband making rules for your joint house without consulting you is a separate issue - you really need to get on the same page if you can.

I think you’re being completely unreasonable and ridiculous. I have a 6 year old and a 16 year old, Ive just started allowing the teen to have a girl for the night on weekends if he wants,
she’s 18 not bloody 13!
and so what if your kids see him in the morning?? Just say it’s her ‘friend’ and stop being so precious and over emotional about something that shouldn’t be a big deal

I really don't think it'll affect the children that much. She asked her dad if it was okay and he said yes.
I let my kids have kids sleepover all the time without consulting my husband, unless I know we have plans. Sometimes they will ask him and he will say yes or no without consulting me.
I'm sure your adult step daughter will be appropriate in front of the other children

Lady, she is 18... I feel you are being a little over the top here. Saying “she can have an adult relationship when she moves out”, is ridiculous. What’s your real reasoning for disagreeing with your husband, because surely it can’t just be “I don’t want my kids exposed to this”. Exposed to WHAT exactly?

I think you are just unhappy that your husband made a decision without you!