Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

8 year old daughter / inappropriate google search

Omg so just jumped on my laptop and noticed in the history that my 7 year old (8 next month) innocent little daughter spent some time google searching ‘naked people’ ‘naked people kissing’ ‘real life naked people’. I am mortified and had NO idea she would do anything like this. I was under the impression she was on reading eggs & trusted her so didn’t monitor her use. What do I do? I’m not game to tell her dad he will be so mad and she will get in big trouble . I feel like such a failure as a mum that she has done this. I just asked her what she’s been googling and she immediately started crying and said nothing I swear mum nothing (she’s also a compulsive liar!) any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (21)

Why are you reacting this way? And why would your husband be angry? This is curiosity. She lied because she didn’t want to get in trouble. But at the end of the day, she is curious. Get some educational tools, reinforce that everyone is different and talk to her openly. It’s not like she was looking up hard core porn. She is wondering what people look like under their clothes.

OP I feel it’s a normal reaction from any sensible adult if they find a 7/8 year old googling naked people kissing - you can just imagine what the results actually were. I’m not a prude and have a very open relationship with my children but find it concerning someone so young would be looking up that . She’s seen her parents fully naked many times , it’s not like it’s taboo but there’s one thing seeing a naked human body & then seeing them in relations...if everyone else is cool with their young kids watching porn that’s your choice but I certainly don’t want mine watching it and worst of all being sneaky. Porn is porn at the end of the day , ‘hardcore’ or not . It’s not something she should be curious in at such a young age.
helpful (1) 
 Some girls get their period at 8 these days. It might be partly hormonal.
helpful (2) 
 OP of this comment here - Perhaps we just have differing opinions of what porn is, you only have to go out in public to see people kissing. To me it sounds like your daughter is genuinely curious about the human body. And like it or not, kids these days are developing and being exposed to personal and sexualized things a lot earlier and a lot more than we were. In my opinion this is perfectly normal behaviour and I would not be punishing her in any way, just talk to her about it. To me, this isn’t “looking up porn”... But each to their own. I just find it sad that she started crying because she knew she was going to get in trouble from you... She obviously doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about this, hence the google search.
helpful (9) 
 I googled naked people kissing. First page links to hardcore pornography. You're special
helpful (2) 
 Loads of kids search it. There is nothing wrong with your child and it is curiousity as the other responder said in my opinion.. I would definitely not be punishing it but using it as a dialogue and staying completely calm. My conversation would go: Hey Mary, I know you don't feel comfortable talking about what you searched because you got quite upset and I know you lied, but it's honestly ok. I know there are some things that you want to find out about. When I was a kid I remember hiding in my mum's cubboard at your age and looking at a book of naked people and feel scared about being caught too, but it's ok. It's normal and you're not the first person to want to find out more. I would then go further but, I won't here to avoid shock value. Your daughter probably heard kids bragging about doing it, I know friends kids who have done the same.. younger, we can't control their friends and experiences but we can help them understand them. goodluck mum, it's going to be ok
helpful (3) 
 Omg your question is a quoted article on ninems
helpful (0) 

Have a calm chat with her. ' You aren't in trouble (this time). I noticed you were googling XYZ, can you tell me why? Were you curious about something?'. I imagine she's heard something at school. Let her know it's not appropriate for someone her age and she's not to Google it again. Remind her she can come to you and ask you about anything. Also get some parent controls for the internet so she can't access stuff like this again.

 This is very good advice.
helpful (1) 
 And look at kholbergs morality ladder psychological theory about lying etc.
helpful (0) 

Why do you feel like you failed? It sounds like normal curiosity to me. She obviously has some questions so Talk to her about it, reassure her she can come to you with anything at all and you will be upfront and honest with her. . Also reinforce to her how dangerous the Internet is. That it is full of misinformation etc etc.

OP Well I’m always fully open with my kids and they know they can talk about anything to me without judgement / anger and I only give honest answers . I have anatomy and physiology books we go through when questions arise , she’s even watched me give birth . I’m just upset I guess that she sneakily looked things up and then hid it from me when asked. I’m just confused why, and to be honest I don’t think it’s appropriate for 8 year olds to be looking up basically porn....it’s not appropriate watching for a young girl no matter how bloody curious she is .
helpful (0) 
 Big difference between looking up porn and naked people kissing. Maybe she is simply too embarrassed to approach you. And honestly, a text book isn’t going to give her answers here. But I do think a young girl googling anything like that is not appropriate.
helpful (5) 

I used to sneak my mums medical journals and check out all the naked people at this age lol I guess this os modern day equivalent, I can promise you it was curiosity, I was not sexually abused nor did I grow up to be a sexual deviant, I'm quite boring and vanilla actually 😂
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, simply tell her the computer lets you know when she looks at things she's not allowed to, maybe even actually buy her an anatomy book and in future monitor her on the computer.

 I’m 40. I remember looking at library books with naked people too!!
helpful (1) 
 The letter A world book encyclopedia was very popular.
helpful (1) 
OP I have medical books galore and most have naked people in it. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest as it’s from a medical point of view not a porn thing. They read them in front of me or with me and I explain everything - again from medical / anatomical point . Not pleasure. They are too young to be learning about sexual pleasure
helpful (0) 

Someone said something or showed her soemthing at school. She was not comfortable discussing it with you, so she turned to google. You've got a bigge problem here than an internet search. Talk to her without anger or judgment. Make her feel comfortable coming to you with her questions about sex, her body, or anything. If you get upset and punish her, you're reinforcing the fact that she felt like she couldnt come to you with this.

You should get the Norton Family application. Its free for the basic package. You can sign it up using one account on various tablets, phones and computers. It will track her usage and also you can block certain subjects from being viewed. Stop people from downloading secret browsers.
Also incoquito is great to stop tech savvy kids from using private browsing. You can also click hide. Password protect it and set it up that a page either wont open or you can assign a little message pop up.
Id go borrow a book on anatomy. She should learn of the body from her own mother with a book not strangers on the internet alone.
Some perverts may say "respect her privacy" but these sorts of people usually have sexual deviency issues. I actually saw this on the 29,000 strong mothers group i admin. Mothers were saying how they were okay for their children to learn reproduction from google. No. Just no

OP Thank you. I have high security on the iPad but it was flat and she asked to do her homework on my laptop and I didn’t think twice . I have been quite shocked my most of these comments saying I’m over reacting and it’s normal . No it’s not bloody normal . Children are exposed to way too much these days , can’t even put radio on without the song having a sexual meaning in someway . I’m sorry to all you haters if you have a problem with my husband and I wanting to shelter our daughters from that For as long as possible . Naked people kissing google search is not just too naked people in a medical setting leaning forward and kissing . It’s fu****g pornography. And one video leads to another . My 10 year old comes to me for everything and has never nor would she be googling it. She knows her mother has a medical background and I can teach her the facts n feel they are mature enough to be exposed to it. Until then I will keep educating them from a medical point of view not from a pleasure porn point. I appreciate you not trying to make me feel like a piece of shit like most other commenters did. However I just feel sorry for them and their kids and made me realise even more how much I need to protect my kids if other parents don’t care what their kids are doing !ot bullshit acting you will find online. It just upset me that my younger girl was being sneaky. Her main punishment she will receive is having her teddies taken away or iPad banned for X amount of time. Nothing to be afraid of, it’s fair punishment depending on what she’s done. She’s normally pretty open about kissing that sort of thing and tells me what goes on at school so for her to sneak google and lie well she knew it was not something she should have been doing . I refuse to allow my young girls to be subject to sexual things at this young age and will continue to protect them until I
helpful (0) 
OP **until I feel she’s mature enough to be exposed to it (sorry hard to write these on Iphone )
helpful (0) 
 Lol I know you say you come from a medical background and can explain such and such, and they should be honest with you, but honestly what kid at any age is gonna be like "I want to check out what grown adults private parts look like..." Or "I'm gonna masturbate, how do I do it?"
If you're from a medical background, you should know that children go through different stages of pleasure seeking and sexual curiosity from being toddlers and onwards.

helpful (0) 

Check that it isn't malware or popups coming from other apps/programs. We found some weird google searches that were denied and it turned out it is quite a common issue. Our search was for naked girls and naked teen girls and we think it was related to a minecraft app or forum.

My 2cents cause i seem to be younger than most of you and grew up with the internet. Im 23 so not super super young.

I remember being in primary school trying to get to abckids games online and i must have typed the address wrong. Up came a website of naked men with really big penises with the penises moving. The image is burned in my head forever. I went bright red and clicked out of it as soon as i could and hoped id never get found out. I felt so guilty for ages.
My mum was very open with us too. I knew about everything from an anatomical point of view but i was still scared about getting caught.

After initial guilt and worry about being caught subsided and i wasnt caught i did look naked people up again because i was curious. Wasnt anything to do with my own sexuality was merely curious about what they were doing as it seemed weird and odd.

Being exposed to that so young didnt turn me into a sexual deviate or anything. Didnt even kiss a guy at all til i was 16 and lost my virginity after i completed highschool (not from lack of male interest, i just didnt want to yet)

I wouldn't freak out cause ive been that kid haha

It might be a shock because you think they're innocent but have the convo that at your age there's things on the internet that's not for you, and you have to wait till ur older to look, haha, I duno kids are curious, but make sure you don't ever make kids feel bad about sexuality ! My boys jerk off in the shower, walked in on one once, he's 11. We laughed about it later on after the initial shock, we're all open and said it's natural little dude but next time lock the door, have clean hands and mum/dad Will give you privacy and not walk in on ur shower time. My 8 yr old googled boobs and sex at school, and the school were like meh normal just explain not appropriate at school. Kids ofall ages explore sexuality in different ways, maybe research what's age appropriate and how to deal as a parent.

Omg. Thankyou for keeping watch! Its perfectly acceptable to not be okay with it. Me personally i dont want my daughters sexuality moulded by what she may see in pornography especially with how bad its getting. At 8 its opening an unatural door as sexuality is meant to be a slow paced thing not kaboom in your face when she finds a video of 8 guys jacking off on a girls chest while she feigns interest for the camera.
You might want to see who has access to her incase someone has exposed her to this.
I know my parents were quite careful but even I managed to get exposed to pornography before the age that my brain was ready for. I went to stay at my aunts house and her boyfriends nephew put porn on. I just remember thinking it was a movie then realizing it was something odd and feeling uncomfortable and leaving and hiding with the alpacas.
And my uncle kept leaving porn all over the house when i came to visit. I actually remember my aunt yelling at him and asking him what the hell was going on.
Im sad to say my 2, 4 and 7 year old have been exposed to it. I went to a playdate at one of the mothers from the schools houses. She flipped the tv somehow to be attached to the computer. Like the internet would be running on the tv and before i knew it it was porn that had been left there. So literally before we got there he was watching that in the loungeroom. She shot an angry look at the husband and said what the hell is this. And then he said she was crazy and get over it. It was really awkward. I then messaged my husband to call me to say our dog was hit by a car... understandably i have avoided play dates there now as its too awkward.

OP Thank you for your response . Wow I don’t even know how to feel about that. Were they grooming you ? Did your aunt know the nephew was putting it on in front of you? That play date situation is awful and I would have run a mile . What a creep. There’s a time and a place and it’s certainly not immediately before a play date on a shared device ! I’m really sorry you and the kids got exposed to all that .
helpful (0) 

We had that happen, and it was not from any real searches it was related to a minecraft app somehow! It was easy to work out as when I went onto the searches coming up it was obvious nothing had been looked at. Additionally there were supposedly books searched for on amazon but I checked my account (it was my IPAD) and there were no search records. So it could be some dodgy programs/apps!!!

Shes definitely a bit young to be looking these sorts of things up, but kids grow up much faster these days than we did. And accessing information on the internet is done by so many kids they are bound to talk about when they are on their own at school, teachers out of earshot. So it may still be simply curiosity.
I dont know how comfortable most kids would be about discussing male /female kissing techniques with their parent anyway.
Seeing moving images is a lot more illustrative than hearing about it.
Be gentle with her, and open up the conversation.

 Excellent advice.
helpful (2) 

She’s a kid, kids are curious! Maybe she wonders what people look like naked. My kids see me in the shower/ getting dressed, they just think it’s normal and i don’t try to hide it. Why are you acting like this is wrong? Just a curious kid.

I looked at my dad's nudie magazines at this age not a big deal

Lady i wouldn't help you cross the street let alone help you with any advice after the comments you've left on here. I'm also surprised the trolls have been so kind to you. Trolls work harder.