View other questions

Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

How do i not take on other peoples problems?

Answered 2 years ago

I've got several people in my life that are going through big stuff qnd they come to me to talk, often highly emotional. It's getting draining and Im tired of all the drama. I've got my own life to deal with. I love my friends, I want to be there for them, but i feel it's taking a toll on me and then i dont have the energy and patience for my life and kids, husband etc.

Have an answer?

This question has been closed and is no longer accepting answers.

Answers

ANSWER
2 years ago
If people don't get the hint when you try to back away from them and their drama, I'd be inclined to put a post on Facebook (assuming the drama friends are on there) saying something along the lines of 'While I love my friends and family and will always be here to support you, I need to take some time to focus on myself and my family. Please don't be offended if I am not available, I need to restore my energy so I can be the great mum, wife and friend that I want to be'.
Or something like that 🙂 Then if people want to come over or anything, just tell them it's not a good time.

REPLY
2 years ago
? Facebook post? Seriously?

REPLY
2 years ago
Yes seriously. Some people might not find it easy to directly tell people they can't deal with their issues, so a platform like Facebook suits them better. Also, not everyone has hundreds of Facebook 'friends' that probably don't give a crap about your issues. Some people keep it to close actual friends so posting on Facebook is essentially the same as sending an email or text. It might not be your thing, but it is a viable suggestion to OP.

REPLY
2 years ago
To people even read plays on FB?

ANSWER
2 years ago
Girl when you find out let me know 🤔

ANSWER
2 years ago
Try not to give it too much head space. Limit how long you will talk about the problems with your friends, and when you get home visualise leaving the issues outside, try not to think about it once you get home.

REPLY
2 years ago
I hope u adopt that urself 2.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Don't spend time with them. When you feel like that you need to step back and say you are busy/ have plans. It can be very draining.

REPLY
2 years ago
I work with one of the people and we are good friends so i cant not see here. Her husband is abusive and a narsacist. I really worry about her. She's coming up with a plan to leave him.

REPLY
2 years ago
Maybe suggest she see a Councillor to talk. My friend is going through relationship trouble at the moment and talks to me about it, which is fine but I worry I'm not giving her the right advice or just not helping her workout what she wants. I suggested she talk to a Councillor and she did. She said it was really helpful. You are in a hard situation because you want to help but it's taking its toll on you.

REPLY
2 years ago
Sometimes we allow these people to distract from our own lives, be careful to remember that you have to address your issues and yourself too, and why sometimes it can be really difficult to do this

ANSWER
2 years ago
Sometimes people don't realise how much it takes out of others when they offload. Spell it out, make your boundaries clear. Next time they start on the topic, interrupt. Firmly but gently say you think they should speak to a counsellor or therapist about this. Reaffirm that you care about them and want the best for them, but think a professional would be able to give more helpful, detached advice. Say very directly that you *can't* be their sounding board about this topic any more. (If you like you can explain why, but you don't have to.) If they bring it up again, repeat the above & then very pointedly change the subject. You might have to do this a few times before they get the message.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Empath life! I have to limit my time with certain people. I choose a time to catch up that naturally limits us, like noon because she has kindy pick up at 230, 35 mins from my house. Or i choose a place that has good energy to feed off of like a playground, pool, etc. Children are amazing mood boosters. Or i choose to catch up over a meal or coffee. We can't be taking up that table all day/night.
You also need to have self care and alone time to recover after particularly difficult conversations. I'll take a long bath once the kids are settled or do a home spa treatment on my hair or face. Cry movies/shows really help me release bad feelings. This Is Us is a goldmine for that lol. Reading "junkfood" novels (I'm in love with Stephanie Plum for this) is also a great way to get me back to good. It's easy reading, funny, and light.