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What can we do about Domestic Violence? Where do we start?

Answered 1 year ago

I don't know the answer.....

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Answers

ANSWER
1 year ago
Gender equality

ANSWER
1 year ago
This is one of the most emotionally disturbing tragedies I have seen and I just want to say a couple of things.

ONE.
This is a problem MEN have to step up and sort out.
TWO
Women trying to change men's attitudes is not going to be as effective as MEN changing MENS ATTITUDES.
THREE
MEN have to step up and address this front on and I suggest if we start just within our own circle of friends we can make a difference.
FOUR
There needs to be a catchphrase found that can help call out men behaving badly and begin to nip problems in the bud.
FIVE
We need to make MEN aware of their SELF IMAGES AND SELF ESTEEM and that has to be ingrained in our society and schools so this is not a small task but it is a task worth starting and evolving.
SIX
Australia wastes a lot of money on meaningless projects and this one has to be MEANINGFUL like seatbelts and smoking. It has to happen over a long time and it has to be generational and consistent and it can save a lot of lives and create greater happiness, not fear.

These are first thoughts but the impact of this event is such that I want to start a discussion and see how we can step up and make a difference.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Ironically, I think we are on the right track. Awareness is growing so fast and it isn't kept in the shadows as much as it was. We need to keep working on mental health, partner counselling and support for both genders.

REPLY
1 year ago
Yes but we obviously still have a long to go when people like a high ranking cop believe men like Baxter were pushed to it. When people still describe men like Baxter as good fathers.

REPLY
1 year ago
^^ well said. He was a evil terrible father.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Immediate jail sentence after first incident of reported DV.

ANSWER
1 year ago
This is definitely worth a read....

https://www.theage.com.au/national/queensland/how-to-stop-men-killing-their-wives-and-children-20200220-p542s6.html

REPLY
1 year ago
Really great read - “We have a system that doesn’t understand gendered violence because we have a bunch of politicians who don’t want to understand it,” Carrington says.

I think she hit the nail on the head.

REPLY
1 year ago
Mental health resources are already beyond its limit. The system having to do mandatory assessments and observations on men who are the highest risk is going to stretch the system even further. Soooo much further. Great idea in theory, but not very realistic.

ANSWER
1 year ago
I don’t even know. All I know is that it makes my heart hurt knowing there are people out there enduring the abuse and violence on a daily basis. I’ve seen what happens to families affected by DV. My mum was in a DV relationship about 20 years ago - she’s still suffering. This ‘man’ did horrible things to not only her but to us kids also. He didn’t do any jail time - he went on to have kids with another woman only a year or so after we escaped and has probably spent the last 20 years or so doing it to them or subsequent women.

DVO’s aren’t worth the paper they are written on unfortunately.

REPLY
1 year ago
^^^ hugs babe ❤

ANSWER
1 year ago
Possibly, but I think it would still be more likely males perpetuating the abuse even when it comes to same sex relationships.
I’d like to see some data though - not just flat out random statements.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Harsher punishment. Education for the next generation. Makes me sick to the stomach having all girls and worried about their future.

ANSWER
1 year ago
My sister was almost killed by her former partner. I though I knew everything about DV until I spoke to her. People say leave. It's not as simple as that 💔

REPLY
1 year ago
That’s right it isn’t so simple. Look what happened to Hannah Clarke. She left. And was murdered anyway.

REPLY
1 year ago
This story is so heartbreaking. Those poor babies 😢

ANSWER
1 year ago
Education, teaching that this is not ok right across the board. The governments has to set strong consequences, it needs to be taught at home and at school and with in all aspects of society. The trouble is that we are dealing with hundreds if not thousands of years of ingrained belief. It is going to take a long time over a few generations to change these ingrained beliefs. I also think that kids should be taught what the warning signs are for an abusive relationship. What the characteristics of a narcissist/abuser are so they are a bit more aware and how to or where get help if they ever need it. I think alot of people tend to see the red flags but dismiss them for some else or are niave and don't understand what they mean (well at least I was) Also there needs to be more help for mental illness, there is still such a stigma about asking for help.

ANSWER
1 year ago
It starts with raising the next generation right. People who have witnessed domestic violence as a child are more likely to end up in a DV relationship, either as the victim or survivor. Parents can model healthy relationships but for those who don’t, the children need to be given counselling to work through the issues so they are less likely to repeat the cycle. Education for everyone is important too. Warning signs, how to help those who are in a DV relationship, how to help those leaving, and knowing which services are out there. Despite how far we’ve come there’s still a huge stigma around dv. Even to this day, besides those who have read this forum (because I feel safe and anonymous here), no one else knows the extent of what I went through in my relationship with my children’s father. Not only is it embarrassing to have “allowed” myself to be put in that position, it’s also that people will often try to shut the conversation down because it makes them feel uncomfortable. You can have all the services you want but prevention will always be better than cure.

REPLY
1 year ago
Some other things I forgot is to address the issues which put people at higher risk of perpetuating or being a victim of dv. Poverty, substance abuse, stress are all contributors. Not excusing it but rather looking at the bigger picture.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Explain what constitutes DV to me. To some people it's physical violence, to others it could also be shouting, or one partner taking charge of the finances, or a range of other things.
I think it starts with education. Educate our kids about whats okay and whats not. A heavy public campaign about acceptable behaviours behind closed doors. We currently have a campaign going, but it's mild. Compare it to say a political campaign. In the months leading up to an election we have to hear about how many froot loops someone ate for breakfast. Why not use that money (generously donated by the politicians who only want the best for our nation) towards DV prevention/education.
More shelters are needed too. Do you know where your nearest one is? If my husband was to hit me tonight, I'd have to walk my way through the roughest parts of town to get to a shelter, roughly 10kms away. And yes, WALK. I don't drive and by the time the police arrive, who knows what he could do to me. There is no public transport to there, and I live in a capital city for goodness sake. When we lived semi rural, a bus and train regularly passed the local womens shelter.
And, more emphasis on how women can also be abusers.
This is something we all need to acknowledge and address too. How many times do young women joke about their partner not being allowed to go out with the boys without her present? And it's laughed at. It's "understandable" to be a little jealous and possessive if you're a woman. Except that it's not. Insecure? Yes sure, but in a HEALTHY way. Do I get a little insecure when my husband looks at thots on instagram? Yes. But instead of demanding that he doesn't, I tell him I'm uncomfortable with having to see that (we only have the app on my phone so he has to switch to his account when he wants to use it) and could he please make sure to sign out when he's done. Then, if it still niggles at me, I make myself feel good and remind him what a fabulous woman he married (hello mascara and a pushup bra). That's a healthy way to cope with it. Not actng like a shrew.
Education for adults and children is a good first step. It's not the LAST step. But it's a good place to start.

REPLY
1 year ago
All of that is DV. It starts with shouting. Then maybe smashing things. Then maybe pushing and shoving. And then Physical violence..... but at the core of it is control. Control and manipulation of another . It’s a vivacious cycle

Also, why do you need mascara and a push up bra to remind him what a good woman he married? Really???

Education yes, but for the perpetrators of DV not the victims!

REPLY
1 year ago
To the first response (troll): I've left an abusive relationship before, I'm well aware of how easy it is to get suckered in, and also how capable I personally am of leaving. Thanks for your speculation though.

To the second response: I use mascara and pushup bras to remind him how fabulous I am, because as a person, I'm always amazing hahaha. I'm kidding. The visual aides are just to grab his attention, he thinks I'm great regardless of how I look. Sometimes I want to doll myself up.

ANSWER
1 year ago
Education

ANSWER
1 year ago
It starts with the way we Raise our children. To teach them violence is never ok. For our laws to be tougher. For those in power to actually take DV seriously.